Finding Peace,
I am feeling your bravery in sharing about the board. You say a lot I wish I could say. Sometimes I wonder why I am here on the board. Feel like for the most part, I trust the goodness that is here and try to avoid the rest. I feel empathy and heartbreak for many stories, but don't always know what to say because they are outside of my scope of experience. Many times, if I do venture to speak, I feel that my contribution is often overlooked. It is a difficult for me to feel like a viable contributer and invisable at the same time. I sometimes post just because I know I need to. Or I need to practice trusting others or myself. I Know many times that the few that respond really do care. I feel to borrow them as big sisters and brothers who see and hear and defend for me, if only in this limited realm. I, like you, have cared probably too much and have needed to change my expectations and reactions to others out hear. I am confident that what I need will come to me from the board and from without it.
I am sorry you are feeling such feelings and in volume! I know that rage and pain! Very intimately aquainted with those two emotions. You will find your center. As the dust settles. If you decide to discontinue with the board. I understand that. It may not be the best place to stay for you. I hope you don't go away deciding that there is no place you will ever fit in. I think that way too sometimes, however, I think it cuts off the possibilities of the universe to bring you what you need in the abundance you need it to come. I don't think this board can fill our hearts the way we all need. It is not flesh and blood. It is something...a valuable piece.....or tool for some. Maybe it is a soft place to fall until we are done sewing our own comfy quilts of safety in our own hearts.
FP, I am rambling. Sorry. I hear you, though! I hear you!!
--Poppy
