I just read some of the recent posts here and I just got a frightening thought that I had to post about. Here goes: My N mother can be truly sadistic with me (for a snippet, see How to deal with N mother post). But, other than the usual annoying habits like comparing kids, etc. my mother doesn't seem to be this way with my kids. Am I being ignorant? I'm afraid that my radar for normalcy is off and maybe I wouldn't know it unless it was outrageous? My mother treats some people fine. In fact, most people LOVE her and would never believe what she has done/ is still doing to me. I don't think she's causing my kids any damage but am I deluding myself? I still rarely let them stay there without me or H and, if I do, it's for short periods of time.
I was thinking about this and one thing she does with my kids is tell them scary stories and feeds them sweets even though I tell her not to. The sweets thing is not so bad but the stories they come back with are pretty bad. Such as policemen taking people to jail, cemetary stories, etc. Things that they talk about a LOT when they get home. Also she does things and tells them "don't tell your mother" but of course they do. For example, she got stopped driving through a red light (she's not usually a bad driver and I've never known her to run a red light before). But my daughter told me about it and said that nana would get mad because she told us not to tell you. She's done this before over stuff like giving them sweets after I tell her not to "OK here is some candy. Don't tell your mother though". Also she used to have my oldest be first with everything and my four year old used to cry to me about it that she always had to go second because nana said that S. could do everything first since she was the oldest. I of course told her to stop which she said she would but I find out through the kids that she didn't. But this behaviour finally stopped after my oldest told her that they take turns (yay! I'm so proud of her). I've called her on all of her actions with them and she says that I have 'too many rules' or some variation of this and just does the stuff anyhow. Is she over the top wtih them? Am I being ignorant in thinking that she'll be ok with them? I guess what I'm asking is whether a N HAS to act out? Can they really be ok with some people or do they always eventually show their claws? She treats lots of people normally but since she's so messed up with me does this mean it will naturally extend to my kids? I wouldn't have any contact with her if not that my kids absolutely love her. And, since their other grandmother is a N and out of the picture without my mother, they'd have no grandparent in their lives. What would you do in my situation? All of my other siblings think I'm 'overreacting' and that my mother wouldn't harm the kids but they never got what I got and truly don't get it. It's just hard when everyone around you thinks differently. Thanks, -E.
