Hi all.
I remember earlier on the board I was afraid of Certain Hope. Ooo, I did not like her.
I made a few remarks. I was defensive. I snarked. Maybe mildly, but she's no dummy.
I wanted her to go away.
She scared me.
It had nothing to do with Hope at all. It was me, hearing an old voice from my childhood,
ascribing motives and intentions to Hope that had only to do with the eyes with which I was seeing her.
TRUTH? FAIRNESS? It was my beady little pupils.
Hope did go away for a while.

I thought of her but didn't really want to.
A while back, she came back again. Just politely and gently started participating again.
I AM SO GLAD.I heard her voice freshly. For some reason, my walls of defensiveness and projection (oh, Certain Hope is too certain for me...and anyone THAT religious is going to judge and skewer Unitarian Universalist me...etc.)...went away. Fell down like the walls of Jericho.
I read her. I heard her. I LIKED HER. I trusted her! I still do. Bam. It's just there. Enmity dissolved, mistrust evaporated. This is a good person and we had a wobbly start and that's one great big So What.
Not only that but she wrote me a tremendously grace-ful (verbally and spiritually) note to smooth the waters.
She stuck out her hand in friendship. I don't think I deserved it. She was walking her walk.
Because of my early wounds from religous training, I had been CHOOSING to look at this dear person in a suspicious and hostile light. After some minor irritation or misunderstanding that I didn't want to let go of. So I didn't "get" her or she didn't "get" me (I can't remember who said what at first, I don't cruise backward.) She not only forgave me but looked right past all that to say something very very kind to me.
That exchange...that change...was for me a microcosm the the very best this board has to offer.
Thank you, ((((((((((((((Hope))))))))))))))))) !
You, honey, put the
st in Christian for me.
Poppy, you said it better than I can. But I share with you the hope that most of us will keep knowing,
despite sour episodes, what wonderful people are here and how sincerely they share.
We could spend our gimlet-eyed energy looking for the most negative interpretations and stay ready to pounce, we could nurture grudges until they grow green mold...those are option. Bleak ones, but they're choices.
I vote for renewal, for compassionate interpretation, and for treating people's intentions with respect. The log in one's own eye, and all that.
I believe supporting a vulnerable friend is an honorable and good thing to do.
But what may sound piously loyal can also provide a screen behind which something wounded lashes out quite viciously, all in the name of loyalty.
Ami, I'm sorry you carry a bad bruise. I think I was one person who didn't welcome you well, who didn't respect you knowing for yourself what process, what way of writing and working, was right for you. I am sorry for that. You set me straight and I believed you. And now I just read and appreciate how intensely you are doing what you have to do.
I hope you will let go of your grudge against CB. How can it help you to nurse it? I believe you. You were misunderstood by one member of a board some time back. Do you think you could let it go?
Jac, you go off like a violent cannon now and then. I know it's destructive to you. It might scare others too. I know sometimes you scare me. I hope you'll get control...you're not in danger here. And Ami is not helpless.
A little humility helps. It's easy to confuse that with being a victim, but they're not the same.
Hope I've helped and not poured kerosene on flame. But CB is a good person. And just after she's been feeling so good about her new life, and just after posting such a detailed, brave story...it made me sick to see her so maligned.
It felt...malignant. And made me sad.
I don't think this post will fix anything but silence doesn't feel right either. I'll duck and cover now, but first close with this:
How about we all spread kindness, and let grudges go with the breeze?
(If you think that's nicey-nice, I need to borrow a blood pressure cuff.)
love,
Hops