Cats Paw

[lighter]

Hey catspaw:

Glad you like your bronze kitties..... they just felt.  ::nod::

Of course there will never be any booties on the A team, lol.... gotta have BOOTS; )

As for the confusion with board ediquet and what, when, how and to whom to post in what tone and on what day, as things do change according to our journeys and healing path.....

you'll soon begin to notice that the very struggles we experience on the board....

are part of our lessons.

You can't avoid conflict or problems or communicating with people who think differently than you.

::shrug::

It's part of life.

One thing the struggles do, for us.... is it helps us figure out how we really feel about things.... whatever it is that's being discussed, other people's problem solving skills and solutions, our own skills at same.... conflict resolution and where we are on our healing journey as we pay attention to the journey of others.

It's not neat or tidy or easily navigated.

You may find you do feel strongly about something on the board and wish to post about that, at some point. 

Figuring out that we can't control everything and everyone's reaction to us... is part of the lesson.

We'll never be able to control whether or not someone takes offense or finds us amusing or agrees to what we have to say or can just ignore us and not get upset, at the very least.  We'll never be able to control whether someone takes advice we think will help or blows raspberries at it and calls us a creep.

::shaking head::

Never going to happen, as you've seen here.... and it's the same in real life.

So, at least we get to practice and process and learn more about who we are and why we do what we do.

We get to watch other people do it and learn from their wisdom and painful lessons.... I don't like picturing you tiptoeing around, wanting to participate but fearing being jumped.  I've been there.... not good.

All very fascinating though and it's not the end of the world if you get your feelings hurt.

It's not the end of the world if someone, you didn't mean to hurt, get's their feelings hurt.

We're learning how to deal with these issues of communication.... all of us. 

Even the ones who think they aren't....... are. 


You seem to be doing a good job explaining your feelings and trying to make your intentions understood.

I think that's a great start to feeling secure on the board.

BTW.... who the heck would pick the piano scene at the toy store when asked to think of a great scene from BIG?  I would have picked the caviar scene too, lol for sure!

But then...... the guy asking the question probably did tweek his presentation at that point, and feels better about it now... bc of your input; )   

[cats paw]

Lighter,

   I do get all this, and agree.  It's just so sweet of you to say all this to me.

   As far as the guy's presentation, I didn't even think, until I was writing out the post to you earlier, that he might have changed his presentation.  Until today, all I was really aware of was my choice to go ahead and be spontaneous and literal in the moment. 

   As far as etiquette, one person may prefer china and crystal, and I would like to dress accordingly if I enter their home.  I also like to know when to just spear some meat with the tip of my knife when sitting around the campfire, amazon style!

   Yes, sometimes I may tiptoe a bit too much, and I appreciate other's goodwill when I become somewhat clumsy when doing so.

   Ok- I'm going to say something that others may disagree with, but I feel very strongly about.  I detest strip clubs!

   Yes, I'm being a bit silly by choosing to say that, but it is something I feel strongly about, and no tiptoeing!

cats paw   

[Iphi]

...even Chippendales?   

 

[lighter]

STRIP CLUBS!!!!

BIG one, lol... Catspaw!

::looking around::

::thinking about diving for cover::

Nahhhh.... I'll look forward to addressing whatever posts come.

I have some very strong ideas about them too, lol!

[cats paw]

Iphi !

  I forgot all about Chippendales !

  But, alas, because of equality and other principles, I would have to include the boys, too.

cats paw

[lighter]

Eh... the boys require far too much validation when they're dancing. 

I used to give them money to go away, and so they'd stop dragging their suntan oil through my hair

The girl dancers....

 don't require the same eye contact.....

ahem....


I want to go down on record as having been dragged to clubs, and taken sort of limping along, where both sexes dance. The whole birthday or getting married thing along with ordering pizza at amateur night with a group of teenaged friends thing didn't seem weird when I was 19 and 20. 

It just got too icky weird eventually and I'm sure the girl dancers didn't appreciate my little
"you're getting your educations out of this, right?' pep talks, lol. 

I've had a couple really good argum.... errrrrr... discussions about the whole thing.....

I could argue one side, then flip on ya in a heartbeat and argue the other so....

I really can't be trusted in the matter; )

[Hopalong]

I loathe them too.
Same as porn, but w/o the partner (the pole or the audience of droolers is the partner).
Same politics, same denial, same old s***.

However. I went to school in Baltimore and its famous Block then boasted Blaze Starr, who was quite famous and jolly.
(Never mind all the others, just as desperate and objectified, and not so famous and lucky...and the prostitution on every corner, yadda yadda.)

Once I went to a Chippendale's thing, and made it a point to ask one of the grinning dancers, when he hugged me: Seriously, I want to know, do you like this job? Still grinning while the women shrieked, he said NO. I could tell one of the dancers loved the power, but most of them had fake grins. Sad.

Hops

[Ami]

I want to share something sweet. My S(younger) went to a strip club over the break with some friends . He said,'"Mom,it is so sad to me to see those girls doing that.I can't get into  it b/c I feel so badly for them"  That was so sweet.                                       Love   Ami

[cats paw]

Ami,

   It must be a wonderful feeling that your son expressed that to you.  It's too bad there aren't more young men (and men of all ages for that matter) who can't get into it.

cats paw

[Ami]

Dear Cat,
 With all the pain that I had with my M,I have two beautiful sons. That was a precious moment when my S said that to me.
   Thanks for your kind words,Cat                            Love  Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear Lighter,

I just want to thank you for talking with me as we did for awhile on that other thread... which I guess was mainly about different styles in personality and communication.

I'm seeing how some people can glimpse just a smidgen of another's personality/style and decide to label it bad... and therefore the whole person is deemed bad (or at least, in definite need of change).

One person's reaction to viewing another as somehow "off" might be to dismiss that person from her life.
Another person's reaction might be to determine - hey, I know what she needs! Now if only she'd hear me and we could get her all fixed up.

I'm not talking about you or anyone else here but me, Lighter... because as I've seen these different reactions from various people here on this board, I've seen aspects of myself and I know that I've taken both of those approaches at various times in my life.
Realizing that has left me feeling torn, or split, in a way that I couldn't reconcile without talking it through.

I don't want to continue either approach, so I've got to find and proceed on another course.
Knowing that there are so many things and people I don't understand, I'm definitely not capable of analyzing everyone I meet in 5 seconds flat - and I don't even want to attempt it!
See, I've watched that done, too.. as though the goal is to get a handle on every psycho-mechanism on the planet and therefore be able to speedily box and label every human being occupying it, this creating an illusion of security. Yuck.
Best option I have here is just to continue discovering who I am and then practicing being myself here.

On that note, I really appreciated your initial post to cat's paw here and thank you for your even-handed summary.
I'm not clear whether or not you actually feel all these things - in a settled way - or if they're just conclusions drawn by your mind to which your feelings have yet to be reconciled. Personally, I'm somewhere in between, acknowledging these things as facts, but not completely comfortable with those facts... but then, that's all part of the work in progress here.

I hope you're well and enjoying your day... like I said, just wanted to say thanks and kinda try to wrap up what felt to me like it was left wide open.

Love,
Carolyn

[lighter]

Hope.... that's just it.

Communication and conflict resolution is wide open.....

 and ongoing.

We grow, we slide backwards, we meet new people.... they grow, they slide backwards... slip sideways.... have good days, bad days, make huge leaps then find themselves in pain, lash out, draw inwards, reach out ..... figure out that it's not all about them and start looking around at what they were a part of, control or just stepped into to draw undeserved fire   or deliver it and find peace with how they feel about it. 

Then they do everything above.... again. 

Sometimes... somebody drops an entire payload...::BOOM!::

In every case.... nobody dies. 

::just breath::

And we get a chance to talk about it again and try to do better, yes?

Love my relationship with you Carolyn..... I want you to feel entirely better and leave the nicotine behind for good.

(((hugs))) to you until you're back on your feet feeling 100%.