Why am I always confused?

[Ami]

Dear Lupita,
   I am going to "shout here----THIS IS WHAT I MEAN ABOUT POWER. You have to have your own power.
  IF you did, many of these situations would not degenerate so badly.I am just trying to help---  . Compost it --if you want                              Love  Ami

[lighter]

Holy cheese, Lupita.

Sounds like the guy was acting like some bratty kid brother

I'm horrified that you had to scream and theaten to slap him and tell the teacher

Some folks can't take a hint and tell me please.....

was the young growly woman kidding or seriously acting like a dog about to bite, lol?

That is so interesting to me.....

I can imagine doing it but not seriously. 

I can imagine whispering in his ear that I'll do something awful.... like slap him but not yell it out loud. 

You have to learn to go right to assertive mode and skip the agonizing.... somehow. 

Practice sayings like....

"excuse me but.... when I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you"

or....

"Ummmm..... if you touch me like that again I'll know you want me to hurt you."

and then some lower key ones like....

"I don't like it when you do that.... please stop."
 
"If I have to ask you to stop doing that again..... I'll ask the teacher to do it."

"No thank you" in a very pleasant manner when sweaty man asks to spread his butter all over you again.

Let's face it.... life's just too short, lol.

[Lupita]

Thank you everybody for your time and effort to write and give opinion and advise.
I was more assertive today.
Here is the story for today my assertiveness.
There was a woman in my classroom when I got there. She was a substitute for the first period teacher, I start during second since first is my conference/planning time. I offered to help her and she refused. She went to find another teacher to ask for help. When she came back she was still asking something and then I said I have no idea, then she asked me if I had to stay, then I said yes, I have to perpare my lesson. Then she needed more help and I said I so not know, because I was ofended when she refused to use my help first. Later she started messing with my video player which is an important tool to teach forign language and then I said I will help you, please let me help you, I know how to nadle that one. But I overcame my disgust when a student told me that I had his workbook and I told him, no, you have it, then he looked in his bookbag and he found it, then I said, I know my kids. Then she started talking to me, and I told her that I lost weight then we became friends. She was rejecting me first and then we made friends because I did an efort. I grew up a little today.
Second story, studebt "J" who is a jerk, or better said, he is being taught to be a jerk probably at home, he always jusgemental, with his bible in his hands, critizising everybody, but always disrespecting me, he goes to chapel and raises his hands and yelles Jesus jesus, and then he comes with his bible to desrespect me. I told him that his behavior has to be congruent wiht his faith, then he startin being a smart a*s running his mouth of his lose lose situation with me, then I did not angage in a discussion with him, I said, I am not going to discuss with you, the only thing I want from you is to sit down on time and be quiet. Then I proceded to the next activity in my class.
I think I grew up a little today.
I have salsa class tonight. i want to be mature and have fun even if I do hot have partners to dance, I want to be happy and enjoy watching others dance, and learning from others dancing, and have fun.
Pray for me. I wish one of you could come with me to the dance tonight.
Love you.

[Ami]

WOW Lupita--- You did such a great job.I am so,so happy to hear your story. WHAT was it that made the difference for you to see and do things so differently?
  Love to hear about it.                                                           Love   Ami

[Certain Hope]

Hurray, Lupita!!  I do not salsa dance, but I'm doing a little two-step shuffle for you  

May I say - I want to be able to handle situations just as you did today... I am so impressed!!

Love to you... and keep up the great growing-work,

Carolyn

[Lupita]

Thank you CH. Thank you for your good wishes.

Well, lastnight I decided to stay for the dance after class, and I knew that I would stay only for a couple of hours maybe one our and a half. No more. If I stay more, then I start being stressed. So, I asked a kid if he could practice with me for one piece and he accepted, he dacnes wonderfully, but he is very advanced, so I do not want to bore him with my intermediate level. But I nejoyed so much dancing with him. Then I made a new girl friend, I said hello to the book club people who go to dance class and dance practice  after class, and danced with two classmates and then with my sweat butter firiend who is a wonderful person, just unconsiderate with his sweat. The body should not be in contact, just the hands, so there is no reason for him to apply my arms to his neck, it is  mimic, no real touching should be at all. Just hands. But he is so nice, and he asked a very very advanced dancer to dance with me and I had a blast. So, he is a good person.
Anyway, my point is that I had a good time. I was not sitting there waiting to be invited to dance, I was walking around and talking to people and having a good time.
Love to you.

[Ami]

Dear Lupita,
  Cyber  space--- "high fives". You are going so well .I am waiting for the next update .         Love Ami

[Poppy Seed]

Hey Lupita,

I went to bed last night wondering what fun it would be to visit your salsa dancing class.  I used to go latin dancing in college.  We had a blast.  And I remember being snowed by all those "Latin Lovers!"   

Poppy

[lighter]

What a nice day and evening you seemed to have, Lupita.

You changed the way you think about the situations..... bc you couldn't change the situations.

Perfect: )

The saying "Our altitude is determined by our attitude" comes to mind.

[Lupita]

I wish ti have somebdoy who loves me going with me.

Today I have to go to book club and have to see the b*tches or book club. Only because I have to give some books and CDs back. And will tell them that I am not coming back until after my exam, USMLE Step 3. Which I cannot take until I feel fully prepared and I have money to pay it, seven hundred dolars. I barely have money to pay rent and eat.
So, let us see how can I control my self and how I can prevent them from pushing my bottons.
Love.

[Certain Hope]

(((((((((Lupita)))))))))) sending you lots of smiles and trusting that you'll put into practice all of the things you've learned.

Head up, shoulders back... I can just feel how very determined you are and that's awesome!

Love to you,
Carolyn

P.S.  what is that USMLE step 3 exam? For teaching?

[Lupita]

Stupid book club. I just went because I had to give some books and CDs to someone there. "P" wanted to ride with me. I told her that I always drive and she never gave me any help for gasoline. She has never helped. She told me that I had bad memory. That she always helped me. That is what my mother does. My mother always tells me the opposite and denies what happened and she swears that she did and that she can bring eye witnesses. I was so disgusted, so mad at her. When I came back she asked somebody else to ride with. I felt so bad there. I should not go back there. I do not like the books, I do no like the people, tere is no reason for me to go back. Or at least I should give it a break, big break. I totally dislike "P".
Well, then suring the time I was sitting there, I felt bad, rejected, could not be in the place, mentally I was in agony, sufering the deepest rejection, feeling humilliated, I do not know why. I do not want to talk to "P" anymore.
I went then to my Sunday school party. The Sunday school from the church where I attend, had a party today. Very nice people. Smiling, but my stupid boss was there, I had to see him on a Saturday evening and the I have to see him on Sunday morning. Thene everyday at work.
I want to have friends.
I made a new friend in salsa dance. She said that we cn get together during the dances, I like her a lot. Also I got another friend from the gym. She is nice too.
Saturday night I ended up at my house after a roller coaster of emotions. A mountain of solitud.

[changing]

Hello Lupita-

I have a silly foot so I cannot dance well anymore, but I can chair dance and do the merengue in my mind! I hate seeing people that bug me day in and day out during my "free " time, so I think I know how you feel too.  Hope you don't have to get too common with the boss next weekend, and can hang out with your new friends instead. As for the book club- ditch those losers, they don't deserve to be in contact with your vibrant spirit. There is a more interesting and harmonious group out there and you will find it if you continue to look.
Lupe, you are doing so much with what you have right now, and that is a rare quality. I am so happy with the way you handle those wackos at work. Hope you get the money that you need for your test soon- I will be praying for you.

Love and Best Wishes for a Happy Week,

Changing

[Gaining Strength]

Lupita - I tried to post this yesterday afternoon but the site went down.  So here is what I tried to write to you.

Lupita - I want to comment on your post about assertiveness at the dance.  You express that you are impressed with the woman who growled at the man who does inappropriate poking while dancing with women.  You described how you are disappointed witht he way you reacted but I want to encourage you.

You think the other woman handled herself assertively.  I suspect that next time you find yourself in a similar circumstance that you could imagine having her assertiveness and drawing a clear boundary quickly.  I can imagine you saying to that man something like, "I enjoy dancing with you but I do not like to be poked.  Please don't do that again." 

The struggle you are describing is a clear boundary problem.  What male did you feel you had to accept belittlement from in order to survive?  Was it your father?  Can you practise in your mind being assertive in this example?  I find that if I mentally practise redoing things from the past in a better, assertive way that I am actually learning skills that will help me in the future.

I wish you many dances tonight and the strength and presence to be assertive with partners who cross your boundaries.

your friend - Gaining Strength

[Lupita]

Thank you dear friends, thank you for your advises and opinions.
Today is Sunday and I feel totally exhasuted. Emotionally exhasuted. I need to forget about my boss, just do a good job, and feel well. He has to leave me alone after so much praising to me from the bulletin (church).
Book club, I need to stop going, I can find another book club with better people. But that has to be after my USMLE Step 3 exam. It is just another failure. Another rejection. Every time I start loving something I get rejected. There must be something I am doing that bothers the lieders of the club when I put so much passion to something. I noticed that when I am indifferent I get more appreication. That is very confusing.
Today I feel lonely, knowing that I am not going back to the book club, I had nightmares, still have to go to church.
God will take care of me.