Axa,
I so hear you, my dear! A therapist from my college years gave me a test to measure my anger. He said my numbers were off the chart and that he couldn't believe that I was sitting there so calmly. He said that I had as much anger as kids in juvy. I know that volcano you describe and the intensity of the fire.
I have thought and read a lot about anger. I have a little book that has a few gold nuggets and I will post it to you later after I get home. I think I have decided that I deal best with my anger when I deal with it. What I mean by that is listening to it and then taking self caring action. Reacting to it usually gets me in trouble. So I try to stay away from that.
I think anger is a messenger for other emotions. It throws up the red flag. It is the alarm system of our psyche. You know that already. It tells us that some violation has taken place, be it big or small. I find that when I listen to the message, the "hotness" of my anger lowers. Yes, that hurts! Oh yes, my boundary was violated. Yes, that person did not do what I wanted or needed! I hear and validate myself. I don't spend much time thinking about whether I was right or wrong to feel the anger. That usually traps me in shame and the "shouldn't" list comes to play, and that doesn't do me any good at all.
I think after I hear the message, then I need to take action to protect myself or correct my course somehow. I set a boundary. I end a relationship. I try again. I forgive. Whatever I think will be the healthiest solve of the problem. When I don't do this second step, my anger seems to take root or plant itself on a shelf somewhere in my mind and jump back to fuel the next fire that comes. And then it controls me and my future actions.
Other times, my anger is bigger than me. My tools don't work. Then I give it to God and ask for a change of heart or insight to see truth, even if it means fighting my pride. And I try to obey.
I find that I do best managing it when I listen to it -- hear the correct message and then take responsibility for self care. Then my anger becomes my ally and a very trustworthy tool. Make sense????
I struggle with this all the time. But I am finding progress. The other week, so much anger towards and about my father bubbled up. It just kept coming until I sat still and in the quiet listened to the message. I learned so much!! Now I am not so angry.
Poppy
