Sometimes I feel like a caretaker magnet. And that is repulsive too.
I have never quoted myself before......but I guess I will today!! Ha ha, he!
I am not sure I can identify, yet, what it is about me that makes others feel that they need to take care of me. I must have "pathetic" stamped on my forehead. I seem to attract people who need to caretake and repell those who understand that 'caretaking' is nonsense. Or at least inspire a caretaking response that either attracts or deflects......(I read once that people who are not codependent don't stick around to put up with our crap.) I guess I wonder if that is what repells the healthy people from me. ?????
If the ones that are attracted to me, feel that my worth is there only so they can "help" me because that fulfills some
need in them, DANG!, I feel so used. It is partly why I feel invisible. It is a source of some of my anger. Are they only coming around because I am a service project? Couldn't they come around because I am funny or interesting or cook a mean loaf of homemade bread?? (I seem to be using cooking phrases alot. Hmmmm, I don't really cook that much) I wonder if I will ever be able to sustain an equal relationship with someone. And why do I need to appear submissive and almost "fake" neediness just to keep a friend??
What am I missing here, people???? Am I pathetic? Am I just a bundle of problems begging for a fixer?
I feel like screaming..THIS IS NOT WHO I REALLY AM!
OH, ugh........
