Dog whisperer philosophy for me!

[Gaining Strength]

I love the Dog Whisperer.  I find Cesar Millan's approach to training people and rehabilitating to be very soothing.

I find myself once again embroiled in a battle against paralyzing anxiety.  This time there is no question about the source - childhood shame!!!  The voices of criticism and condemnation are deeply embedded into my own being.  The sense of being inadequate accompanied by feeling overwhelmed is a damning combination.  FINALLY, I obtained a perscription for antianxiety medication this afternoon.  Though I have developed very good techniques for changing my thoughts much of the sources for my deep seeded shame actually kicks in pre-thought.  So the shame or doom or anticipation of humiliation is enacted before I have a thought to counteract.  Trying to get the wild, physicallogical responce back in the barn is indescribably difficult.  It is a never ending battle.

But Cesar Millan makes points while he is training humans that I find helpful.  He encourages the humans to assume a state of calm assertiveness, to move out of a position of fear or pleading into a state of confident energy.  Now with the help of Xanax to take the edge off of the pervasion anxiety perhaps I can sustain some confidence for increasingly longer periods without demanding hyper vigilance over my state of mind.

Right now, as I recognized that I have slipped into the wretched fear of failuer or hopelessness or sense of inadequacy, I do not have the mental resilience to identify the anxiety and replace it.  I pray that the xanax will give me enough relief to make this mental transition effectively.

I believe and have believed that I can do this.  I would love some encouragement.  And would love to know if anyone here has experienced anything similar and overcome it?

[gratitude28]

(((((((GS)))))))))))))

Have you checked to see if Cesar is single or interested? LOL. I adore him too. I actually want to write to him about a little issue I have with Henry and his cage.

It's funny, when I see the show, I always wonder what the people are thinking? How can it be so obvious what they are doing wrong? Am I that obviously wrong in my life, I have to wonder?

Good ideas here, GS. Also, I think the meds will help you tons. I know it has me. I feel much calmer.

Love, Beth

[Ami]

Just wanted to say that I am sorry that you are hurting.I miss you,GS.((((((((((((GS))))))))))))))
                                                                                       Love   Ami


PS  I am not much help in this department b/c I am still very fearful

[Certain Hope]

Dear Gaining Strength,

At my recent visit, a nurse told me that the top number of my blood pressure

reading - the systolic bp - is the one which reflects my anxiety.
That's when I realized... I'd gotten so used to feeling like my heart was racing, I didn't even know how bad off I was.
After 2 weeks on the blood pressure medication, I've been able to establish a much calmer, steadier baseline...

and it's interesting, because this serves to make those especially anxious moments really stand out.   

Monitoring this closely, I've really been able to get a better handle on which scenarios
trigger an increase in anxiety. This is something I never could do before, because
feeling anxious was a pretty much constant state of being for me. I always just
considered my self a "nervous" person and tried to block it out. heh. Clearly that did not work too well 

I think the key is .... As you've said, it tends to kick into high gear pre-thought... and I believe that's
because the anxiety became deeply engrained when we were as yet pre-verbal.
At this point, I don't have answers beyond prayer... but my own bp log, where I
record the times, measurements, and associated events, is allowing me to pray
very specifically about the matter. I'm asking for healing and a new outlook on
very specific issues, by name, and I see that my numbers just keep going lower...
or at least staying high for a much shorter length of time. You know, there are so
very many triggers... on my own, I just wouldn't know where to begin, so this is
the best I can do for now. By God's grace, I expect continued improvement.

The Dog Whisperer is one of my favorite programs. I've been able to learn and
use some of Cesar's techniques with my own pooches here... mostly by not
getting so exasperated with them, because as soon as they sense that, it's a free-
for-all. I don't see why we can't practice the same with ourselves... not getting so
exasperated! That oughta help all of our old stuff which resists being put into
words just to fall into line... and I do believe that it will! All in good time.

((((((((((GS)))))))))) It is a constant battle. Seems like the more of my own loose
ends I try to get wrapped up, the more new ones come to my notice. More dental
work, health stuff, kids' stuff, financial stuff... for now, I just have to keep my focus
quite narrow and whittle away at it a bit each day. The better I take care of my immediate needs,
the safer I feel in my own company, you know?

Love to you,
Carolyn

[Gaining Strength]

Gratitude, Ami, Certain Hope - thank you so much for your encouragement.  It is such a gift to turn on the computer and see your responces.

Gratitude - How I would love to have a Cesar type "coach" in my life to help me through obvious things that I am far too blind to see. And yes - the meds are really helping.  I have really needed this to make it possible for me to have enough resilience to be able to find the strength to access my will.  I am so thankful to know the source of my deep seeded psychological ailments.  It feels so helpless but then I keep remembering that I have miraculously gotten past my rage and resentment and they were lifelong as well.  This helps me maintain hope and determination for defeating this desparate, binding shame.

Ami - thanks so much for saying you miss me.  It really mean so much.  I so often see posts written to various people who are missed and feel so invisible.  (Definitely a wound from long ago being activated.)  I am sorry you know all to well the wretchedness of living with the anxiety of existence.

Certain Hope - I really relate with what you wrote, especially, "because
feeling anxious was a pretty much constant state of being for me. "  I have had windows into my anxiety at times but I did not know that I suffered from anxiety until last year.  All the descriptions I have read about anxiety did not seem to fit me.  I don't necessarily feel fear.  I would say that I felt humiliation or shame or anticipated being humiliated or criticized or rejected.  It felt more like a kick in the stomach or a slap in the face or a door slammed in my face than fear.  But now that I know it is anxiety I certainly understand.

I would so much like to deal with it in any way other than medication but I would rather medication than live a disfunctional, miserable life.  I like to use prayer too and thank you for mentioning "specific prayer."  I believe in healing and am learning to develop a vision of what life is like with healing.

I love the way you phrase this - "I don't see why we can't practice the same with ourselves... not getting so
exasperated! "  I think I will try that - calm assertiveness with myself or as a Bowenian therapist long ago called it - a non-anxious presence in the midst of chaos.

You write, "I just have to keep my focus
quite narrow and whittle away at it a bit each day. "  I have learned that this is exactly what I must do.  Part of what happens when I try to do something is my mind goes on a rampage when I start a task until I become completely overwhelmed.  I spent several hours today trying to get the courage to do the dishes.  The new anti-anxiety meds helped.  When I finally got to the sink I had to concentrate on a very specific limit - just the dishes in the sink, not the pots on the stove.  Otherwise my automatic criticism starts in - wasting water - stove's half broken - should be doing laundry - shouldn't have wasted that egg - the sink is dirty - the floor is dirty - you won't finish getting the toys sorted - the garbage should have been taken out yesterday - you need to go to the grocery store - you are a pig - the dog bowl is dirty and on and on and on.  With in minutes I am a wreck and nothing else gets done. 

So glad to have a tiny pill that can actually act well enough for me to say to my condemning mind, "Stop!  just wash these dishes.  Worry about the rest later."

I wouldn't wish this on anyone - not anyone.

[gratitude28]

GS,
You said you'd rather be able to do it without meds...
Well... when I was leaving Japan, my Dr. said that maybe the reason I wasn't losing weight in spite of trying was because of my AD, so I got sloppy taking it and then kind of stopped... I ended up in a very unhappy place. I know now that I really DO need the medication, in spite of being much happier and more stable in my personal life.
I take meds for my thyroid - without them I would die. I think it's the same with the AD. I feel no shame in correcting my deficiency.
Love, Beth

[Gaining Strength]

Oh yes Gratitude, I certainly agree.  I am not ashamed to take medications I simply wish that my life was such that I didn't need them but I do need them and I am very thankful that I have them.

Learning to face life with a calm assertiveness - GS

[Certain Hope]

((((((((GS)))))))))) I feel all of that too, as you described... about trying to get one simple task done. I can push myself through it for awhile... days, even... and then suddenly I cannot make another move. It's like a total system shut-down... and I understand completely.
The phrase "get thee behind me, satan" comes to mind. It's that bad.

More hugs to you... I understand that these meds can take a bit (2 weeks?) to kick into gear, so I hope you'll continue to experience the increasing benefits of a far more relaxed mind. The persecution will come to an end, of that I am certain. You're in my prayers, too.

With much love,

Carolyn

[Hopalong]

Dear GS,
When my anxiety ran my life, I did every conceivable attempt at thought-control, and failed. I believe now that my brain was just going to squirt what it was squirting, and no amount of analysis was going to make it yield. Over time, long periods on Rx and long periods off, what I've come to believe is that my first long epoch on Rx helped my brain to calm down in some way. I think some new synapses or new neurons got formed, because my brain had a chance to get out of red-alert mode. The Rx made that possible.

It's not possible to learn in a state of terror. And that's what free-floating anxiety felt like. Fear of existing. I couldn't learn calm without an extended period (years) of brain chemistry that was balanced. In my case, by Rx.

I had coexisting depression too. Over the years, the anxiety did yield. (After your umpteenth trip to the ER with a panic attack, it starts to become real that this it not a heart attack and your terror is not a response to real threat.) So now, I still have to cope with depression (a few years on Rx, a year or so off, then on again). But on its own, it's not so debilitating. And I have found long periods when with an SAD light, several cups of tea a day and regular exercise, I'm fine without Rx.

All this to say just that I'm so glad for you. I remember the first time I asked for Rx, I said to my doctor, I'm tired of being a hero. Please give me a prescription. And my healing and coping began.

In other times, we might have turned to the village herbalist. Taking an Rx is okay too. I'm glad you have them and I know they'll help.

I know the struggle at the sink. And I'm with you when you tackle one square foot.

I've missed you too, GS.

love,
Hops

[cats paw]

Hello There!

  I've been wondering about you.  I've not been posting much lately, plus not even reading a lot on the board.

  Just wanted to say- here's to calm assertive, and I've missed you as well !

cats paw

[mudpuppy]

Why don't you try this GS?
Go to a mirror, raise your finger and hiss "tssst" at yourself several times.
Maybe if you see yourself in the mirror being the calm and assertive pack leader you can train yourself.

mud

[teartracks]

Mud,

That's cute!  Mud the mirror whisperer...

tt 

[Gaining Strength]

As some of you know I am without internet for the time being.  So I haven't checked this post for a while but I still want to respond.

LOL Mudpuppy - when I'm driving in the car and my little boy does something that yanks my chain I take my hand and do a quick "hand bite" to my neck and in my mind say "tsst".  If I say it outloud my son will ask me if I think I'm the Dog Whisperer. Hey - it works - suddenly I feel calm and I can make an assertive statement without EVEN wanting to add expletives.

Hops - your message is very encouraging.  5 years ago I learned how effective anti-depressants are, after years of believing the best way to overcome depression was by facing it head on.  Now when I find myself slipping into that dark place I don't hesitate to ask for medicine.  Anxiety has been such a different thing for me.  My experience of anxiety is not what I read about.  For me the triggers are all the things that trigger shame for me.  It simply doesn't feel like fear or panic - it feels like humiliation - a kick in the gut or a slap in the face.  Consequently it took me a long, long time to understand what it was that was crippling me. 

I completely identify with your first paragraph.  It became undeniable to me that I could not get anywhere with "reprogramming" my thoughts.  The triggers were happening pre-thought.  Changing my thoughts was not possible - it was too late - the fight-flight adrenaline was out of the gate and was not coming back.  The medicine really helps.  I get enough of a warning before the andrenline begins to flow so that I can shut the door.

I am learning that the past couple of years have been living "avoidance".  Now I get it.  I was doing what ever I had to do to avoid the triggers.  Unfortunately that meant shutting down.  The harder I tried to function the worse the triggers.  And because of my family situation I had noone to turn to.  And the "avoidance" nightmare meant that I couldn't follow through on ANYTHING!!!!  The harder I tried the greater the triggers.  It was like accelerating to get your wheel out of the mud - I got deeper and deeper stuck.

Now that's a dilemna - the harder you try the worse off you are.  The biggest problem with that is - now that I have help with the meds I have to REALLY gear up to find a way to "try" without triggering the paralysis.  That's what I call a double bind.  Thank heavens I understand that.  It has taken my a year but considering how long I have struggled with this whole nightmare (basically my whole life) a year is fleeting.  Now I have tremendous hope that this whole trap is about to burst free.  You'll be hearing so loud singing when it does.  You'll need ear plugs because I can't carry a tune but this anxiety ridden fool won't be caring at all when that day comes.

So when I start to get nervous I don't even need a mirror to say "tssst" and find myself slipping into calm assertiveness.  Thanks Cesar!

[Ami]

I really miss your kind advice and encouraging words, GS.I am glad that you are finding some ways out of the 'hopelessness" and pain.
  Cesar shows that love,kindness and gentleness work better that harsh methods with dogs and people.    Love   Ami
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((GS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))0

[Gaining Strength]

Thanks dear Ami.  Thanks for your kind words.  Though I cannot see you, nor anyone else here and though our relationships are quite 2 dimensional, I find tremendous solace here from my 2D friends.

I am getting better.  I do pray that I am this <--------> close to a true breakthrough.  I want so much to finally get back to work, to feel like I can provide for my child and me, to have a comfortable home and to have friends and to entertain.  Those are my deep seated hopes for myself.  I finally can see it.  I have believed for years that if you can see it then you can bring it into being.  It has taken along time for me to be able to see something wonderful for my life.

I LOVE the concept of calm assertiveness.  For me, at this time in my life, it really helps.  Just the words alone help move me out of that state of shame or humiliation and move me into a sense of confidence.  Each step along the way in the journey, I have found phrases or images that have helped me move forward to the next step.  This phrase is one that is helping me now.  I really love it.

Thanks again for your encouragement. - Gaining Strength