I was reading some of the other posts on the thread related to Nina Brown's book about improving relationships with N partners. I didn't read that one but I did read her book about Children of the Self-Absorbed and though it was definitely one of the most helpful books on the subject for me.
Some of the posters were talking about their anger with their Nmom and dealing with that anger. It is sometimes hard to get to that place of acknowledging and expressing that anger, but I sure can understand it.
One of things that I find most sad regarding my own Nmom is that I can no longer look at her and think of her in a positive light. Many adult daughters (or sons) can acknowledge the wonderful things about their mom----she's great, she's warm and loving, she is generous and considerate. But after acknowledging the reality of having an Nmom, the truth is she's none of those things. But she is a whole lot of lousy things. It's hard to acknowledge to myself that if she weren't my mother, she's probably not the kind of person I would want to be or even to be with. I never, ever, ever thought that would be true of my mother.
My mother has hurt me soooo much, which I'm only now realizing. She caused me so much damage and heartache. She doesn't know how to love anyone. She doesn't care about anyone but herself and her N daughter (my sibling). And just once, just one time in her life, I would like to see her struggle. She has always been very lucky. Married to my extremely co-dependent dad and having an Ndaugher who emulates her, she has never wanted for narcissistic supply. She is the self-prescribed Queen and has always gotten what she's wanted. Meanwhile, I have struggled all my life, have had nothing but bad luck and am alone for all intents and purposes. I have no one to supply me with anything emotionally. So, while I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her, I do sometimes wish she would struggle or come upon some bad luck in the hopes that she could experience what I always have. But I know that won't happen. Ns are lucky. Things go their way.
Oh well. I'm just venting. It's all so very heartbreaking. My Nmom was so neglectful of me emotionally. In many ways, she broke me.
