Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
N vs. Culture
write:
They both come from small coal mining villages, where the tradition is mutual support, very highly defined sexual roles and a very conservative approach to change.
I have a Canadian friend and we have shared experiences of growing up in mining villages ( I am English ) and decided that the coal dust is formative!
October:
--- Quote from: Anonymous ---
--- Quote from: October ---
What gets me is how much cultural protection he gets !
Why ? It is culturally wrong ! and I will hate it cos I am a victim of the system. Oh yes people do 'care' for others and it looks like 'collective responsibility' in such cultures but that is not the case. 'Care' is to make me fit in and deny all forms of 'deviation' and my anxieties, my tense relationship with my parents etc were ' cultural deviation' and hence it was me who was asked to compromise myself for the sake of society.
spirit
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The cultural protection is the big plant protecting the weed. The plant can't see the difference; you have to look really close to see the bliddy great dandelion next to the rose or thistle or whatever the culture happens to be. I think collective cultures have a lot to offer, but it is a shame when they cannot see the harm which some families do to their members, and then hide under the cultural label.
I think we need to find a balance between the extremes of collective and individual cultures, and we need to listen to those who are caught in one or other and cannot cope. And an abusive family will always abuse, but the abuse will look slightly different, depending on what is around. It will try to blend in as far as possible, but will never quite manage to be invisible.
As long as you have a spirit of your own, you cannot deny your own identity and become a puppet for your family. That would deny your humanity, and you cannot do that. You can try, but it will break out.
All the best, and I love your name, Spirit.
Cathy
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October:
--- Quote from: write ---
I have a Canadian friend and we have shared experiences of growing up in mining villages ( I am English ) and decided that the coal dust is formative!
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::Nods:: I think it gets in their heads, and muddles their thinking. LOL!!!
Also English. From Durham, although I live in the South now. Where are you from??????
Cathy
October:
--- Quote from: Portia ---(((((((((Cathy)))))))))
You sound very knowledgeable. I keep learning. And your insights are helping.
Cathy, I’ve been reading old posts and you sound good now. Your post about shame was fantastic. Did you attend the winter-time event? I know that’s a prying question so I’m sorry if I’m out of order here. But I wondered and if you want to talk about it or not.
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Good grief!!!! Can't remember what I wrote before. Perhaps I should check!!!! :lol: The winter time event? That must be my mum's birthday. Yes, we went. Horrible time. Some of it ok, but mostly horrible. Couldn't undress the whole time. Slept in my clothes and changed in the morning. Not safe. Lots of anger. Several major episodes between my brother and his sons. Not nice. However, we live to tell the tale ...
You can ask anything you like, Portia. Questions are allowed, and I will answer anything I am comfortable with. So no worries there.
((((((((hugs))))))))
Cathy
write:
Stoke-on-trent, Staffordshire.
I have walked ( the Great North Walk ) and travelled around Durham- awesome scenery.
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