Characteristics of Narcissists

[tayana]

I've been reading the link someone posted a week or so ago about narcissistic mothers: http://www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/post/mikegamble/vpost?id=598188&trail=75

In that thread someone post a link to characteristic of narcissists.  I like this list because it's written in such plain language.  My mother has almost all of these.

http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/characteristics.html

[betr4]

Tayana,
My h has all these traits and they're getting worse with age.
When he crashes, they "fall off" and he is the  complete opposite.
Last crash was 2001.  He is back full blown n now.  I'm watching it get worse.
Knowing all this is helping me accept it and let go more and more.
I was his victim.  My mother is the same.  The h and the m are like the same person in different skin. Yuk!  Sounds horrible.  But true.  I am not her victim.  My father is.  He is getting weaker and she is consuming what is left of his life, he is 87.
Your post is very true and very helpful living with n's.
Now I am working on living with me and letting them go.
Thanks, BR

[reallyME]

This is quite a list.  I do see some of these behaviors in me that I've been working on, and definitely experienced some in others as well Here is what I've experienced:


 1. Self-centered. His needs are paramount.  ME SOMETIMES, OTHERS                       

 4. Does not care about the consequences of his actions. - OTHERS

 5. Projects his faults on to others. High - OTHERS...GENERALLY THEY CAN'T SEE FAULT IN THEMSELVES OR DON'T WANT TO.
            blaming behavior; never his fault. - MY HUSband

        6. Little if any conscience. - OTHERS

.       7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others- OTHERS

        8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others - OTHERS

        9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage- OTHERS, SOMETIMES ME

       10. People are to be manipulated for his needs. - OTHERS

       11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps
              talking, changes the subject or gets angry. - OTHERS

        12. Pathological lying. - DAUGHTER

        13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others. - OTHERS

        14.  No real values. Mostly situational. - OTHERS

        15.  Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate. - OTHERS

        16.  Angry, mercurial, moods. - OTHERS

       19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word. - OTHERS BUT SOMETIMES ME

        20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment. - OTHERS

26. Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he   does. - OTHERS

        27. Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others.  Defensive when confronted with his behavior.                   Never his  fault.- OTHERS 

        28. Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow. - OTHERS

        29. He breaks woman's spirits to keep them dependent. - OTHERS

        30. Needs  threats, intimidations to keep others close to him. - OTHERS

        31. Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside                     interests and acquaintances. - OTHERS

        33. Convincing. Must convince people to side with him. - OTHERS, SOMETIMES ME

        34. Hides his real self. Always “on” - OTHERS

        35. Kind only if he's getting from you what he wants. - OTHERS, HAVE TO WATCH THIS ONE WITH ME

        36. He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good. - OTHERS

        38. Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda. - OTHERS

        40. Unilateral condition of, "I'm OK and justified so I don't need to hear your   position or ideas" - OTHERS

        41. Always feels misunderstood. - OTHERS

        42. You feel miserable with this person. He drains you. - OTHERS SAY THEY FEEL THIS ABOUT ME SOMETIMES

        43.  Does not listen because he does not care.- OTHERS

        44. His feelings are discussed, not the partners. - OTHERS

        45. Is not interested in problem-solving.. - OTHERS...I AM A CONFRONTER AND NEGOTIATOR TYPE

        46.  Very good at reading people, so he can manipulate them. - OTHERS, SOMETIMES ME SO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF IT.

[Leah]

Tayana,

Thanks again!  Good find. 

Timely indeed, because the 'puzzling' behavioural traits are listed on there!!!!  Re my ExNH

Maybe,  I ought to dismiss the idea of the 'puzzling' traits as being of AS.

Going back to take notes!!

Love, Leah

[changing]

Dear Tayana-

You might retitle this thread  "Portrait of a Bagworm." (He gets 100% on that list)

Thanks for the information!

Love,

Changing

[tayana]

I'm glad everyone liked the link. 

Leah, I've never known anyone else besides my son with AS.  There seems to be two types of people with AS, those who are happier alone and those who want to be social and fail.  My son is the latter.  I've talked with people on the wrongplanet board though, and although AS people can at times seem to be very narcissistic, they aren't really.  They just don't always understand social norms, and don't realize how their behavior affects people.  I don't like the DSM description of AS because there are so many different presentations, and my son doesn't lack emotion.  He just expresses it differently.

Sorry to keep prattling on about this.

[Hopalong]

What could be more important to prattle on about than your sweet boy's uniqueness!

Your M has ozone aunties, here, Tay...I know I safely presume to speak for everybody...
we love him too and want him to grow up happy!

And I think he will be.

(Remember, people w/o AS or something similar can fail socially too...I spent my first decade in school with a target on my back and it was excruciating. And now I wallow in friendship. So never despair for him. Childhood's an endurance test except for the luckiest...and he'll come out knowing who he is and with his own self-respect. It'll all kick in when he discovers what he's really good at. And he's going to be really good at something. He's smart, like his Mom.)

xo
Hops

[tayana]

Thanks Hops.

M wasn't so sweet this morning when he was being obnoxious and rude right before he had a meltdown over some project he wanted to do. 

He's not been feeling all that good, so I'll forgive him for today.

We played a game earlier and he lost so he locked himself in his room for thirty minutes.  I just pretended not to notice. 

He says he thinks I hate him.

I don't really know what to believe. 

Apparently a lot of people think I hate them.

[Ami]

Dear Tayana,
  When it comes to kids, you have to practice having a good "center" b/c they will try every trick in the book to manipulate you. It is just being a kid,I think.
  Also, I left the room messy. It stayed messy for   18 years and then I cleaned it .                 Ami
 

[Hopalong]

My room is STILL messy.

Very.

Hops

[changing]

Hi Tayana-

We love to hear abour M and enjoy stories about his and your triumphs!!! And no one ever died from a messy room (especially teens)!!!

Love,

Changing