Author Topic: Emotional Vampires  (Read 5093 times)

Leah

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Emotional Vampires
« on: November 02, 2007, 06:07:29 PM »
Thought I would share this interesting find:

Emotional Vampires : People who Drain you Dry  by Albert J. Bernstein Phd

From the Back Cover

"If I'd had a copy of this book when I started therapy, I might have saved myself a lot of time and money. Bernstein provides a field guide to the various types of Emotional Vampires and advises readers how to protect themselves from being victims of these predatory personalities."­­Diane White, The Boston Globe

Emotional Vampires: They're out there . . . masquerading as ordinary people. They may lurk in your office, your family, your circle of friends; perhaps they even share your bed. Chances are, you know all too many of them.  Bright, talented, and charismatic, they win your trust, your confidence, and your affection­­ then drain you of your emotional energy.  But take heart as you walk through the darkness, it doesn't have to be that way­­the more you know about vampires, the less power they have over you.

Here Dr. Albert J. Bernstein, vampire-slayer and author of the best-selling Dinosaur Brains and Neanderthals at Work, reveals the secrets that will protect you once and for all. Detailing a whole range of personality types and human responses, Bernstein shows you how to spot the "vampires" in your life: self-serving Narcissists, hedonistic Antisocials, exhausting Paranoids, or over-the-top Histrionic drama queens. And, with valuable advice, psychological perspective, and much-needed humor, he gives you a range of defense strategies that are guaranteed to keep the blood-sucking creatures of darkness from draining you dry.

By the end of Emotional Vampires, you'll be armed with superior knowledge, a treasure chest of vampire-slaying tools, and all the confidence you need to take on the most draining people in your life and win without shedding the first drop of blood.


An amazon.com review:

>>> Emotional Vampires teaches you how to protect yourself from people who emotionally and materially drain you for their own gain and at your expense. These "vampires" prey on colleagues, friends, and family. They are especially dangerous because their self-absorption prevents them from seeing that they are harming others, and even makes them think they are helping others. "Vampires" are especially gifted at finding the most vulnerable victims. With Dr. Bernstein's help, these vampires will see you as no easy prey and move on to others. You recognize Emotional Vampires by the emotional aftermath: they "take a lot out of you," they leave you feeling "drained," they "pushed your buttons," they are "high maintenance," etc. Dr. Bernstein is right on the money with "vampire bite" as a metaphorical diagnosis for the real harm these types cause, but beware: the fangs seldom show, and emotional vampires can seem as harmless and ineffectual as Aunt Bea, or as affable as Will Rogers.

Each chapter is a recognizance of different "vampire" personality types. I realized I was particularly vulnerable to the "histrionics" who thrive on drama for its own sake. I used Bernstein's techniques on a certain "histrionic" vampire in my life, and now I'm thankfully out of her perpetual soap opera. I urge everybody to buy this book. It's a funny and easy read, but the subject is serious and the insights ring deeply true. Once you have read it you will have the power to protect yourself from a lot of hard times and wasted hours.

 >>> This book will give you information on how other people effects your energy field, Emotional Vampires, you will become aware how you fell when you are around other's and how they make you feel "sick"....you know it's time to walk away and don't waste you time with them.



Anyone read this book ??

Leah

« Last Edit: November 02, 2007, 06:19:42 PM by LeahsRainbow »
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Ami

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Re: Vampires
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2007, 06:19:34 PM »
I drain myself                                         Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

vita

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2007, 06:29:51 PM »
I have read this book and I thought it was merely OK.

I also bought it because of the raved reviews, but I think it did not live up to the reviews.  I found it too simplistic.  As I recall, it is written very tongue and cheek and I found that annoying.

Sorry.


Leah

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2007, 06:36:49 PM »

Thanks Vita,

Only just discovered the book - so have not bought it.

The reviews are five stars, but then that is not always cast iron in my experience.

Thanks for your honest opinion which is very much appreciated and valued.

Leah
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

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Leah

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Re: Vampires
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2007, 06:42:54 PM »
I drain myself                                         Ami


(((((((((((((( Ami ))))))))))))))))))
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Leah

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2007, 06:49:28 PM »
The author has a website with each of the categories displaying a list  http://www.albernstein.com/id55.htm

Learn more about  vampires:

Anti-Social Vampires
Histrionic Vampires
Narcissistic Vampires
Obsessive-Compulsive Vampires
Paranoid Vampires
How to Protect Yourself
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changing

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2007, 09:21:52 PM »
Hi Leah-

NH Bagworm is a major anti-social vampire according to the test, though he will wear gorgeous suits and such, almost everything else in the category applies to him. Uggh- he is coming back into town Monday, and though he is supposed to stay away from me with no contact, I am afraid of some new and stepped up abuse, even worse than bringing the police, will be visited upon me. I must fight this fear- will keep reading about the defenses, etc.

Thank you for posting this info Leah!

Love,

Changing


tayana

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2007, 10:25:03 PM »
I have looked at this, and I didn't like it nearly as much as I did Susan Forward's Emotional Blackmail book.  I didn't read the whole book though.
http://tayana.blogspot.com

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really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot
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Bella_French

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #8 on: November 03, 2007, 04:49:31 AM »
I wonder if emotional vampirism is slightly subjective? I know when I'm feeling low on energy, being there to support other people's feelings is harder for me. But at other times I feel more `bountiful' and I enjoy the act of giving and listening, even if its not returned in equal measure. It really comes down to energy levels with me (and probably available time). I wish I had more energy for people sometimes.

X Bella

Leah

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #9 on: November 03, 2007, 02:46:38 PM »

Hi Changing

Thank you and hope the 'how to protect yourself' is helpful.

Found the link to this book and website quite by chance, it was while looking at the wealth of links available on Tayana's thread posting entitled 'Link about NPD' ....

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=6025.0

How awful for you that he is coming back into town on Monday --- first sign of him : immediately phone the police. 

(((( Changing ))))
 

Hi Tayana

Great thread posting 'Link about NPD' - such a wealth of informative and insightful links on the ACON website.
Well done you for finding it!

Many thanks.

Susan Forward's Emotional Blackmail book is eye opening excellence and amongst my main bookshelf resources - best buy.


Hi Bella

Just wish I had more energy!  don't intend to obtain a copy of the book - the website info will suffice.
Thinking about the title 'Emotional Vampires' and it is most apt for they certainly do drain the life out of us.
His other 2 books are workplace orientated.

Looking back to the time when my life fell apart, must have been such a drain on my best friends energy. 


Thank you for your much valued comments.

Love, Leah
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

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betr4

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2007, 04:11:20 PM »
I wondered if I could be the one draining others.
After being used by the n I would try to speak about it but NOONE in my family would listen or care what had happened to me.
NOT TO THIS DAY.  Really. 
I was, in fact, treated even worse when I spoke about what the n had done. 
I'm beginning to be aware that admitting abuse was seen as weak or flawed.  My parents could not allow flaws or emotions.
Also, anything concerning my mother was always bigger than anything I could have endured.  Everything was about her, so anything about me got minimized and negated, just pushed aside.
I know when I was so sad and grieving all the time, I was drained and was probably draining others with my heavy attitude.  I just needed to tell someone and I needed it to stop.
Getting past grief is very freeing and lets light and enjoyment in.
Does a n go around in grief and become the bottomless pit draining others? Never finding love or relief? So needy and lost.
Just seems like that must be what it is.
Thanks BR

isittoolate

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2007, 04:24:10 PM »
Hi betr4

I just stumbled on here and from all my posts in the past 5 years, we have discovered that if someone has NOT been dealing with an N, they have absolutely NO idea what you are talking about. You are the one who will appear crazy

Someone said it was like trying to explain different colours to a man blind from birth.

I went through the same with people then finally shut up as they were not reacting as I thought they would.

It's only here, and other N forums, where one is understood!

Love
Izzy

Leah

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2007, 04:33:53 PM »
Dear BR,

My apologies, should have phrased that more fully:  the 'draining of energy' regarding my best friend, at that time, neither of us had a clue about personality disorders.  Hence, my incessant questions and her inability to signpost must have been a drain on her energy levels. 

It was very much the Blind leading the Blind.


When finding yourself in the postition of 'victim' of any kind of abuse, then you truly deserve:
 
Compassion, Care, Genuine Listening, Validation, NO theraputic verbal abuse, Support with signposting to resources,

a good friend, a therapist or counselor (or internet resources!) who can teach you the skills to rebuild your life as a survivor.


Love, Leah


« Last Edit: February 17, 2008, 12:32:21 AM by LeahsRainbow »
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

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Leah

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #13 on: November 03, 2007, 04:35:52 PM »

 :D We posted at the same time Izzy  :D

Quote
if someone has NOT been dealing with an N, they have absolutely NO idea what you are talking about. You are the one who will appear crazy

Oh so true!  :shock:

Love,

Leah
« Last Edit: November 03, 2007, 04:42:04 PM by LeahsRainbow »
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

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betr4

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Re: Emotional Vampires
« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2007, 04:50:24 PM »
I still find it all so amazing.  That this could be happening to so many and it is not talked about in society.
Seems like my whole world is filled with n's. 
I was dying and could not get away from the n.
BR