I think I have just had my 1st encounter with a Narcissist - help

[isittoolate]

Hey all,

I haven't read everything, but I have the general idea and have been thru' it.

My first therapist after leaving the N worked from her home and it was inaccessible to me, so she came to my home.That in itself makes it appear social, not to mention she brought Chinese Tea.

Whatever I said, she then told me what happened to her in that same situation. (Nothing against the French) She had such a heavy accent that I would sit and listen SO hard to hear if she was helping me with these tales of hers, for which I was paying her and I'm not talking.

She was the one tho' who introduced me to Narcissism.  Told me to read about NPD on the Internet. I was so grateful that she had helped me, because that was when I learned about it and knew my daughter had married one and I had moved 2000 miles away from 'home' with one!

She knew I lived alone and didn't socialize, but said I ought to. I didn't want to. She didn't talk about boundaries. So it was Movie Night for everyone. Ii thought these were her friends. We also had Xmas and Halloween nights. One time I suddenly found out that these ALL were her clients.

I thought that was so wrong that I said I felt we had done all we could do and ended it.

In retrospect, I can puit her almost in the N category.

xx
Izzy

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[reallyME]

Why is it that N's or deeply disorder people are the ones the wounded gravitates towards?

Easy answer to this one...having been the "wounded" in the past, the reason I gravitated toward the N's and X in my life, was because I WAS NEEDY emotionally and socially.  X felt like someone I could connect with spiritually, promised me the sun, moon and stars, in the form of publishing my poetry, giving me a position of worship leader/deliverance minister eventually in X's ministry, and basically promising to be that mother-figure, friend forever.

I had come through a painful relationship before that, and X stepped in as savior of a sort, nurturer, teacher, guru if you will.  I have always had issues with authority figures but at the same time had a type of AWE toward them.  I definitely had AWE when it came to X and N's.  These creatures FASCINATED me...how they could be so beautiful or handsome, talented, sure of themselves, closely knit and connected to God in a way I felt was almost unreachable for me.  I came to see them as my answer givers, my source to direction in my life, my source to inner healing of my hurts.

Sadly, after a while, X and N's get tired of ya.  Either you aren't like the people they admire or want with them, or  they just plain don't think you measure up in some way to what they were looking for.  Then, the devaluing, resenting, silent treatment, mockery and finally discarding and replacing comes about.

That's how it is with dysfunctional families and some of their members even as adult-children.

~RM

[Safe4Now]

Hi everyone  I'm new here & felt that my situation was so similar to Gangel's, that I had to reply. I just left my N husband after being married only a few mos. Being a devout Catholic, I struggled w/ this decision. But I managed to leave w/ some dignity, self respect & my faith intact. Yes, he tried to rob me of that too. But God prevailed; always does. Because of my reading the bible, I saw the contrast between God's teachings & the rantings of my "heretic" N. The Good Book says that we should privately confront one who sins against us, twice. If they don't repent, cast them out. And cast them out in front of others, so that all we see. Like you, I'm not a spiteful person but I am God loving. There is mention of the things that God hates in the bible too. My N did all of those & worse. He even tried to have our priest side w/ him against me. Wow, what a rich source of Narc supply! Now he's trying to get other parishoners against me. Point is, that N's love to ally themselves w/ those who aren't quick to judge & are very forgiving in nature. The pews are filled w/ such nice, unsuspecting people, unfortunetely. Ultimately, I trust in God before all. I know that the Lord will guide me thru this. Read what the bible says about what to do w/ these N's amongst us. As a Christain, I feel duty bound to uphold the truth. I pray for the next target that comes into my N's view. I believe I can't just move on without helping the next targets. What kind of God loving being would I be? To close my eyes to it would be a sin for me.I'm not saying that you or anyone should do what I am, by unmasking the N. But I feel duty bound as a Christian, to do so. My prayers are with you all. God Bless

[BonesMS]

Movie nights, holiday parties and other social events between a therapist and her clients?!?!?!?!  The Code of Ethics of all mental health professionals specifically discourage multiple relationships because they do more harm than good.  Granted, there can be instances where a multiple relationship is unavoidable (i.e. your child attends the same public school and your therapist's child), but partying with your therapist AND her other clients on a regular basis?!?!?!?!?!?  NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Bones, M.S.
Addiction Psychology

[Ami]

I am not saying that the spending time together outside the office is "right",but the worst therapist is one who "plays with your mind" for their own power (or money) needs.
 The patient can be really hurt and pushed down even further than when they started therapy.
  A therapist's emotional development is never considered. You can get a degree b/c of intellectual ability and be a ZERO ,emotionally.
  Forgive my passion for this topic but therapy can often harm the patient-.         Ami

[wiltay]

Ami, I agree with your views about therapists.  Here's an example that I think fits what you said.  An old friend of mine was seeing a therapist 2-3, sometimes 4 times a week for something like 5 years.  He nearly needed a second job to afford it.  I saw him at least once a week during this time.  He was totally dependent upon her and whenever she went on vacation he fell apart and couldn't function until she got back.  She was obviously encouraging his dependency and seemed to have no plan for him to move forward and become healthy on his own.  Over these years he became more and more of a big baby (which honestly he often was before therapy!) stubbornly unwilling to consider anything but his own needs and POV and our friendship withered.  She was 're-parenting' him, which of course explains and justifies all of this babyish/dependent behavior, but I thought it was a crock.  She was making a pile of money off of him with no end in sight and no sign of progress that I could see over all this time.  I could be wrong of course, but I think he was buying a professional mommy, not therapy.   

Bill


 

[Ami]

Can you buy a professional mommy---Where?                                         Ami

[Leah]

Ami, I agree with your views about therapists.  Here's an example that I think fits what you said.  An old friend of mine was seeing a therapist 2-3, sometimes 4 times a week for something like 5 years.   He nearly needed a second job to afford it.  I saw him at least once a week during this time.  He was totally dependent upon her and whenever she went on vacation he fell apart and couldn't function until she got back.  She was obviously encouraging his dependency and seemed to have no plan for him to move forward and become healthy on his own.  Over these years he became more and more of a big baby (which honestly he often was before therapy!) stubbornly unwilling to consider anything but his own needs and POV and our friendship withered.  She was 're-parenting' him, which of course explains and justifies all of this babyish/dependent behavior, but I thought it was a crock.  She was making a pile of money off of him with no end in sight and no sign of progress that I could see over all this time.  I could be wrong of course, but I think he was buying a professional mommy, not therapy.   

Bill

Bill,

Co-dependency springs to mind!!! 

Wonder if there is such a thing as an impoverished therapist???!! 

Leah

[wiltay]

Sure Ami, they're also called blow-up dolls.  Do want me to send you a spare catalogue?

[Ami]

I could put my mother in the window like Norman Bates.                               Ami

[wiltay]

Ami, I almost broke my desk pounding on it.  Life is so weird!  I saw that scene in Psycho LAST NIGHT.  Do do do do..........
Bill

[wiltay]

Ok, Ami, Now I realize you must have watched Psycho last night too.  Tell me you did!

[Ami]

No--Bill---I just have that scene burned in my mind.                                           Ami

[wiltay]

Leah, Well I sure know who was paying for her vacations and I doubt if she was staying in Motel 6.
Bill

[wiltay]

Ami, it is one of the classic scenes, I think.  Still it's a strange coincidence that we had the same "vision,"if you want to call it that, near the same time.  Weird. 
Bill