Well, my NH is in jail for the night......

[DivineSunshine]

On yes, lighter, i was not clear, these people have called me to tell me they are backing me 100 percent as weird as that is and THEY won't be taking HIS calls anymore!  He has lied to them and used them and they know it & are sick of his games and know me and the kids need all the help we can get.  This same friend brought over a 300 dollar gift card to walmart/sams for us a few nights ago since they know that he will not "man-up" and do anything but try and break me down.

I am following your suggestions more than you know...your advice here has been priceless!

Ami---yes the religion card he is playing will make it harder 4 me and that is why he is doing it but I will just stand my ground.  It will be ok.  I just have keep believing in what I am standing up for!

Always a return hug for you too (((((((((Ami)))))))))

Sunny 

[lighter]

Awwwwww... Sun.

That gift card story made me almost cry....

well....

OK. 

I did cry, but.....

I'm just so amazed for you.

Renewal in the belief of human kindness.... justice perhaps.... keeps, merficully, surprising me.

Your story has me cocking my head, over and over again, bc EVERYTHING isn't going against you... somehow, lol. 

It's a wonderful unusual thing....

but why call you at 12midnight, lol?

::cocking head again::

I guess his spirit was uneasy and he couldn't sleep or he really felt moved to voice his support to you after listening to the N rave, whatever hour that was.

I'm glad, in any case. 

I believe in you, Sun.... you're doing so well.

 

[Hopalong]

Me too.
Sunny I feel as though you're letting EVERYONE who's been abused by a man feel themselves step out of their jail cells, by sharing your story.

Please keep posting when you can.

Locks are all changed, of course?

Is there a big dog?

If not, shouldn't there be?

A big dog your kids fall in love with and who just knows it's its job to guard your home?

love
Hops
(PLEASE remember he will think of 1000 more excuses for contact than you can anticipate. He will be like rain on rock. The only way not to be worn down by it is to recognize with ABSOLUTENESS that every word or tear than comes from him or through anything other than the strictly legal channels is like acid. Don't breathe it in, don't expose yourself.)

I mean, never, never again, open the door. Okay?
Are you really truly ready to never ever again think there's a reason to open the door?

xxoo
H

[lighter]

(PLEASE remember he will think of 1000 more excuses for contact than you can anticipate. He will be like rain on rock.
I mean, never, never again, open the door. Okay?
Are you really truly ready to never ever again think there's a reason to open the door?

xxoo
H

Hops.... I like that anology.... 'Rain on rock'..... where on God's green earth do they get all that energy?!?!?

They're relentless in a way that makes me tired FOR them... ::sigh::

[DivineSunshine]

AND We go back to court tomorrow!  He went to his friends house that is supporting me and got told he was wrong so he freaked out and told him never to call again!  But that scared me because I was the twit was emailing me again demanding to see the kids!  Saying the DA was coming after me and that he was going to hire a criminal attorney today.  And he is producing partial documents to confuse people. 

He started the myspace thing , got out of jail, and wrote that he feels like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive!!  Calls his moms basement the Bat Cave!  Grandiose?  Thinks he is special?  Ya!!!!

Even tells me in email that he is ENTITLED to see his kids! 

Have shovel.......will dig!

Just my thoughts today.

Sunny

[Ami]

Dear Sunny,
  I was thinking of you,today. I was facing how life just does not turn out as we expected. I was thinking of your loss of hopes and dreams and what you had to face when you faced  the truth about your H.
  You are doing the 'right" thing. Stay strong. You have 'right" on your side.    Love  Ami

(((((((((((((((Sunny))))))))))))))))))

[lighter]

Oh my, Sun.

The 'Bat Cave' eh.... a bit pathetic, and yet I'm laughing.

Keep documenting, I know you already know this but I remind you just in case you get very very tired and stop.

Living in his mummy's basement, telling you the cops are going to come get you and he's hiring a criminal attorney.

I can assure you, his divorce attorney is NOT HAPPY with all this commotion.

They want things quiet..... hardly ever happens with guys like this.

The court doesn't like all this commotion one little bit. 

Are you going to tell the police he's demanding to see the children, in violation of the TPO.... again?

Maybe he'll quit if he ends up back in jail again?

[Ami]

Just thinking of you, Sunny.                     Love   Ami

((((((((((((((Sunny))))))))))))))))

[mudpuppy]

Calls his moms basement the Bat Cave!

Guess that makes him the guano.

I agree with Lighter on the zero contact angle. It's tempting to think we are gaining insights into them by keeping tabs on them but after a time we don't need any more ammo. We go into court with the truth and they have a pack of nutty, demonstrable lies. He can flop around out of your sight with his schemes for months if he pleases, but he still goes into court a looney tune who even a semi competent lawyer can unmask to a judge.
There are no guarantees, but I'd surely rather be playing your hand than his.

mud

[lighter]

Another thing, Sun.....

the fact that all his/N's friends are turning against him...... is really really bad.  He can't mask his agenda or self defeating actions from them? 

Sounds very unstable.

I'd be less comforted by the calls and even more alert..... he's falling apart when he can't behave rationally enough to his loyal insiders to keep them snowed.

What's being done about his continued contact with you and demands to see das kinder?

I guess I want to know if your attorney has talked to you about what happens if N keeps going down this crazy path.

What happens?  IS he going back to jail?  How will you handle all this financially?  What happens if he goes to jail for an extended period of time? Not that you have ANY control over that whatsover. 

What's the next move if he continues to contact you? 

Has anyone brought up his mental state as it relates to his being dangerous or to things escalating out of control?

What if he's nuts? 

What if he can't work?

What gets decided at the temp hearing?  Are you asking that he not be allowed to see the children or that he be supervised?  If supervised, by whom, when and where and who hands the children off?  Who ensure's their safety, which should be one of the priorities, along with your safety.

What is your husband saying he wants and what do you think he really wants?

What are the children saying they want to happen, with regard to visitation?

Remember not to use the N word, nobody knows what it means. 


The temp hearing will be to settle matters of temp custody and visitation, who get's to stay temporarily in home and how much support you'll receive till the final settlement is reached.... that should be about it.

I guess the Judge can continue the TPO or not at that time, as well.  Sounds like he will.... he may require no visitation, he may ask your attorney what you want to do.... SO HAVE AN ANSWER AND MAYBE A PIECE OF PAPER TO PUT IN FRONT OF ATTORNEYS NOSE IF HE'S ASKED ie.  Visits with children at visitation facility located at BLANK address, 2 times weekly, for an hour each time.

I assume the Judge will be very stern with both of you, it's their job to try to scare people into settling and getting the hell out of their court but..... this isn't just a property/child custody dispute.  This is domestic violence and a dangerous husband.  I get that someone understands that about your case but.... they tend to forget and have to have things explained every time you get in front of them, which is exhausting .... and frustrating.

If you remain cool, he'll end up with the psych evaluation and you shouldn't have to participate in that.  If you do, you do but....

what safeguards is your attorney saying will be put in place.... what's the goal?  The plan?  The best case scenario... worst case scenario. 

Rhetorical questions... you certainly don't need to answer all that here: )

[DivineSunshine]

Righty -0 Lighter---I am on it!   Those are some very good questions, some we have addressed and some that definitely need to be!

Today is court, he begged for more time, after his attorney handed my attorney a last minute statement from him full of lies I now have to dispute.  So more time is what we need now too!  I have to go back again in a week.  Good news is, he brought his lawyer this time, and they were there to hear the judge say ----PO IN EFFECT---NO STIPULATIONS!!!  Loud and clear!  So he can't run around claiming he does not understand anymore.  Like I said he is claiming he will sue me for being wrongfully jailed.  We have transcripts of the actual proceedings for proof of what was said not just the docket which he is "snowing" people with on their way so it will prove he has hearing problems and is deluded very soon.  My lawyer seems to really know what he is doing---and the best part is, I can reach him on the weekend, which is when my NH likes to pull all his sheenanigans. 

He brought his N mother along and she embarrassed herselfout in the foyer putting on a big drama queen show of crying---lips quivering, big sniffels, ridiculous stuff.  She wrote a bogus statement for the court too.  Full of lies.  And was upset and confused as to WHY, oh WHY I would not allow her son to see the kids still????  Good grief, like I am gonna send them to the likes of YOU TWO if I can help it.  Especially now!   But she began calling me vindictive and some other thing to my lawyer and he had to force my NH to sign the new order or he would have to get the police to make him.  he didn't want to see any more guys with badges and guns, so he signed it.  I didn't say a word to them, either of them, although I wanted to let some loose on her this time, I bit my lip.

Meanwhile, I am still fending off the hard money lenders coming to the house looking for my husband since he has stopped answering his phone and emails to people and has not done any work since I left.  I give them the address he is currently at, tell them what a lying scumbag narcissistic abuser he is, tell them to call me and I will help them in any way I can with info to go after him. 

And still try to keep my kids on time for school, grades up, and emotionally stable, enough sleep, while I let them finally be kids in the house too.  And communicate with everyone to keep them posted, apply for grants, get groceries while worrying my car will be reposessed since my H says he won't pay for it and it was already behind..............  BUT  you know what???  Everything is going very well in their own little way.  I am holding together somehow, and the kids are too. 

NH had better be quiet now!  He had his attorney to listen for him and tell him what he can and cannot do for once.  Oh, and the idiot wore his $1500 dollar suit to court while he is withholding food money from his children!     My blouse was a cute on I found on clearance for $1.50!!!  And in his statement trying to refute my claims, he admits everything but tries to blame me, including the gun episode!  My lawyer could not be more thrilled! 

Sunny

((((((((Ami)))))))))

And mudpuppy!  Always a pleasure!   Had to look up guano------NOW I am laughing!

[changing]

Hello Divine!

You are doing so very well. I am especially happy that the children are flourishing! I hope the grants and such come in quickly- have you applied to any state agencies? Receiving aid of some sort seems to hasten the approval process. What are you going to study?I hope the car issues work out well- my friend was talking about some sort of GM electric car that is being lent to various people in a sort of lottery- I believe that you enroll on line. I will find out and report back to you. Have you talked to your attorney about your concerns? He might have a remedy - some way to compel NH to make the payments or to give you his car in the event of problems.


I am in the midst of clearing out the last of the items in my house, as NH is scheduled to come here again, and I want to preclude any claims or scenes, etc  (as well as provide a nice surprise). Of course, he has not submitted a list of items that he wants as per the agreement, so I am up in the air about this, and anticipating possible shennanigans. A marshall will be here. It is truly amazing how similar themes run through our respective NH experiences. Of course, with your children to care for, you are handling a far more complex scenario, and you are doing so in a far more admirable fashion, but it seems anecdotally that these NHs can bring similar problems to those trying to extricate themselves from a life gripped by N tentacles:

1. Guns
2. Police
3. Financial problems due to irresponsibility or malice
4. False court filings

I only have to wait until the week of my birthday in March, and I will be rid of NH Bagworm ( Though I  wish the process finished yesterday). I love how you are handling the creditor issue, though in my case my lawyer wants me to avoid giving out information regarding the Bagworm. My lawyer suggested that when I get calls from his creditors, I direct them to his lawyer (he has not given me his home address or phone number.) The dunning notice calls have almost ceased completely, and it is quite amusing to redirect them. As you have mentioned, the whole stipulation/protection order issue is problematic, as NH's seem to have a tendancy to ignore strictures such as these.

It is infuriating how much money and time  is wasted dealing with bogus N court filings and uproars, when those resources could be put to good use. NH Bagworm also came to our bogus hearing in a very expensive suit, just as you described regarding your NH , even though the Bagworm was pleading poverty and trying to get spousal support from me! I am so glad that you had NH jailed for violating the P.O. - if only there were something analogous for the NMIL (well, maybe just a muzzle for court)!!!

Keep strong Divine.

Love,

Changing

[lighter]

It's funny.... they/N's usually hand you all the evidence you need.  Statements and e mails..... their actions.

Especially their statements.... they can't refute what they themselves swore to and he's pretty well admitted to everything you say he did.  He doesn't realize that blaming everything on you isn't going to fly, like it prolly has over the years, or so he thought.

My MIL was nutty too, telling my N silly things that made me pretty sure she would testify that I was an unfit mother when her son put us in danger and wasn't interested in his children when we did see him.  She really is a nut, and prolly part of his problem.

Yor MIL's sniffling around dramatically didn't help your N's case, I assure you.

Steady people who aren't RULED BY ANGER will be the ones who gain the court's confidence. 

It never ceases to amaze me that Parents of grown abusive people will stand by their children and bawl about them being denied access to their victims.... but they never considered correcting the abusive behavior when there was still time to avert disaster.

At least that was my experience.  They took sides, they threw the children and I to the wolves..... then they got angry when I tried to defend myself.  Absurd.... but there it is.   

In the meantime..... sounds like you have things well in hand. 

Do you have a garage to keep the car locked up and out of sight?  I'm sure you've thought of that already but..... you sure don't need it being reposessed right now. 

Very frustrating that your H is in violation of yet another order by not paying bills or working.  He was to maintain status quo on all that.  What does your attorney say about that?  Will he be jailed for that at some point too?

Very satisfying to hear he was forced to sign the new order though listening to his being wrestled around by cops in the courtroom would have been equally pleasing, I'm sure; )

At some point, you need to get a credit card in your name alone and charge small things and pay on time, if you don't have any credit of your own. 

A separate bank account would be good too. 

[Iphi]

Congrats Sunny it sounds like some important steps have been accomplished!  I know you will see it through to triumph!

[Hopalong]

Sunny AND Lighter,

I am dazzled by these detailed stories and though I never had to escape such dire opponents in divorce I somehow feel my spine strengthening for life in general, when I read your accounts.

Sunny, what a transformation. What a tiger you have become.
Stay steady, and March is marching toward you...

Lighter, you are The Amazon.

xxoo,
Hops