my heart is about fit to break tonight...

[write]

after months of feeling headachy/ nauseous h saw a doctor today and was sent for an immediate MRI brain scan.

Made me realise how much I care for him, and how much our family unit would lack without him, despite the narcissism.

[Michelle]

Hi Write -

I am sending prayers of peace your way during this crazy time.  Prayers for your H also for wise doctors and quick results from his tests.  

Take care of yourself,

Michelle

[Anonymous]

write,

That is so upsetting about your husband. I hope the MRI rules out anything truly serious or catches it early.

warm wishes to you and your children,

bunny

[Nic]

Hi Write,
I'm thinking of you as well.  Gosh I hope everything is ok and will be!  Please accept my feelings of heartfelt hope for you all.
Kind regards,
Nic

[write]

thank you all.

I am overwhelmed right now.

The separation, my son's behaviour, h being ill...

I've been doing so well for a few months but I just want to go back to bed and cry this week.
I wonder what's the point of everything, what's going to happen, am I ever going to be happy again, will I ever meet a partner I can share my life with...just a mass of unanswerable questions.

I am so sad that the relationships which are central to most people's lives have bypassed me and I'm struggling to find the energy to be positive.

I feel too alone.

[Jaded911]

Write,

I have always felt so alone when dealing with a N.  I have come to this conclusion, I would much rather be alone by myself, then to be sitting right next to my partner and feeling alone.  It is very hard to love someone who cannot understand the depth of love.  Love yourself and do not allow anyone to take that away from you.  If you do not love yourself, how can you present to the world as a person worthy of others love.

Love to some people is just a mere word.  Love is the most unselfish act one can offer another person.  You deserve the same love that you offer others, dont ever lose sight of that.  If you do, you will lose a big part of yourself worth.

When these clouds clear in your head, you will see things in a much clearer manner.  The N cloud tends to blur your version of reality.  The cloud does lift and you will begin to put your needs first.

Best wishes to you.  I know it is a hard path to take but you will soon see the path you need to follow.

[Portia]

Dear Write, all kinds of relationships are just out there waiting for you to find them when you are ready.

And you are not alone: you are here, we are here. Best wishes for H's health, let us know....P

[write]

thank you, thank you.
Always such practical friends here.

I know, I know...but in the way that n's divorce their intellect and their emotions prioritising intellect, I have let my screwed-up emotions rule me for far too long. I am so deep-down afraid. Yet simultaneously liberated to know that I am....and to let go.

That way n h and I are such a complete partnership: we complement each other's messed-upness!

Just watching the US Washington Memorial Day Concert & simultaneously composing an anti-war poem but feeling and respecting and being grateful for other people's life experiences...