I almost had a moment of weakness

[tayana]

M didn't feel well last night.  He was complaining of a sore throat and stomachache, and I was praying he'd be able to go to school  today.  Unfortunately, he still felt bad.  So I had a panicked moment this morning, trying to decide what to do.  I didn't have enough time to call in sick, plus I really needed to be here to work on a project.  I tried begging M to eat, so I could give him a Tylenol.  I thought if I could get him that far, he'd be fine for school.  It didn't work. 

For a moment, even though the thought made me sick, I almost called my mom to see if she would watch him.  I even offered to let M call her and ask her if he could stay with her.  He didn't want to.  He said, "She won't come here."  I asked him if wanted to go out to her house, and he said no.  I still almost called her.

Almost.  I didn't.  I took a chance that my brother might be home, since he was on vacation this week, and he was.  My SIL came to my apartment to watch M for the day.  He was feeling better when I went home at lunch. 

I'm so grateful that I bought my SIL a card and a gift for watching M.  I really couldn't afford to miss work today.

[Ami]

Dear Tay,
  I would not call that a "moment of weakness". You had a pressing need. A moment of weakness would be if you were lonely and wanted a mother( which I have done thousands of times) and then called her.
  You do not give yourself the proper credit for how well you function in life . Could this be a trait of D's of N mothers-hhhmm?                                Love to You   Ami


((((((((((((((Tayana)))))))))))))

[isittoolate]

WTG tay

grace under pressure.

Izzy

[mountainspring]

Hi Tayana.... it sounds more like a moment of strength to me.  When you really really needed a sitter, you resisted the urge to call and made other plans that worked out much better for you.  You don't need her.... you're doing great!!

[Hopalong]

HOO-ah, Tay. So very glad you didn't call.
A day of her "help" would cost you and M months of peace.

You need a community, woman.

How are you going to find one?

xo
Hops

[finding peace]

Hey Tay –

Almost is the key word here.

Absolutely not a moment of weakness – a moment of strength!

Figuring out how you can without having to rely on your mother.

Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would lay money on the fact that your mother is just waiting for you to call when you have a moment where you are in desperate need of help.  I can feel her gloat at turning you down – or her gloat at using your need against you.  It is what my family would have done.

I can’t imagine how difficult it is to raise a child alone.  I know how hard it is to raise kids with an H – and it is hard!

Tay – you were able to pass this crisis.  Please, please, if possible, line up some additional alternatives now, before another crisis moment.  Have a network in place (even if you have to hire a professional babysitter at the last moment).

I am so happy for you Tay -  Well, well done!

Peace

[lighter]

I know that freaked out looking for help with babysitting feeling!

SO glad you reached out to your brother and his wife.

Thank God they didn't say..... "eh, I'd rather sit on my ass and eat Frito's today, sorry."

That wouldn't have helped AND you'd be dealing with some anger.

BTW.... I don't remember ever hearing anything about the SIL.

What was she saying while your mother was systematically taking your credit apart and your father and brother bad their thumbs up their, ummmm.... while they were busy whisteling Dixie?

[tayana]

It actually felt pretty good, even though I was late to work, to not worry about what my mom was interrogating M about or what he was going to say when he got home.  I think he was actually relieved that he got to stay home, and he said he had a good day, even if I think it was more of a mental health day, than a real sick day.

I did join a social group for single parent families, but I just joined so I haven't met too many people or gotten to attend many activities yet.  The times that are really hard are when M's sick.  I can send him to daycare if there's just no school.

FP, I don't know that she's sitting at home waiting for me to call.  M told me this morning he had something he needed to tell me, and so I asked him what it was, thinking he was going to tell me something about school.  He said, "Before we moved, Grandma was going to take you to court."  He couldn't tell me what she was taking me to court for, but it makes me very suspicious and very angry.  I wouldn't be at all surprised if the sheriff doesn't serve me papers for a custody hearing soon.

Lighter, to be fair, my mother bamboozled everyone, no one really knew anything about what she was doing to my credit until things were really bad.  Of course, no one really did anything to help me out once the secret was out either.  They just encouraged me to sweep it under the rug.

M's off to school today, in fact, I had lunch with him at school.  Very scintillating to have lunch with 3 ten year olds.

[lighter]

You sound really good, tay.

The lack of support you received from your family (regarding credit fraud) AFTER the cat was out of the bag.... that's what I have a problem with.

Sweeping it under the rug is sacraficing you, letting her off the hook because they don't want to deal with all the trouble it would be to hold her accountable. 

It's not OK to throw you to the wolves bc it's they don't want to feel any distress and it's easier for them to ask you to just take the hit and keep quiet.  Hate it.  Wrong wrong wrong in so many ways.  


Your NM blustering about taking you to court is prolly just blustering, any way you want to look at it.

Child custody blustering, having you arrested bc you're giving false info about her ruining your credit blustering..... it's all blustering and reallydisturbing that M heard about it, however he heard about it. 

Toxic. 

Nuts. 

Unnaceptable.

One more reason to breathe sigh of relief she's not in your lives and thank goodness M finally shared that with you. 

It must of have been awful for him to have kept that under his little hat for so long

[Hopalong]

I hear another town, another state calling Tayana and M...

Move on here!
We have jobs!
We have supportive groups for parents of A-spectrum kids!
We have other kinds of women's community!
We network!

Sigh, your M is really poisonous.
I hope you get all the way away.

xo
Hops

[Leah]

Dear Tayana,

No exaggeration, your family is the same as mine, honestly.

Your 'mother' is highly toxic, and dangerous, and the 'silent ones' have a lot to answer for, with regard to in effect, reinforcing her behaviour, endorsing lack of accountability. 

My mother tried to have something wicked done to me, I don't feel comfortable with sharing the details here in cyberspace.  the others looked on and did absolutely nothing, zero.

All to gain control of my son.

I suspect that she hoped to eliminate your credit card credibility in order to ensure you could not move away so easily ??

Sounds very much like what my NM would plan.

Thinking of you ((( Tayana )))

with sincere empathy and support.

Love, Leah