Dear Changing

[reallyME]

Yes, Ami, my heart did and does go out to Isabella for the abuse she suffered.  I mean to take NOTHING away from her pain by sharing what I did about my common past.

i appreciate that you did not wish to devalue me in anyway, Ami.  I guess you have a different way of displaying empathy and sympathy than I do, and that is ok.

Point is, isabella went through utter HAVOC in her life and has opened up about it and again, I say, my heart goes out to you, Isabella. 

I am sorry that I remind people of their N mothers because of my angry feelings or fleeting angry thoughts.  I am one who has reported people for abusing their children.  I am not an abuser personally, but I have been dealing with some bottled anger at times as many of you know.

~Laura

~Laura

[changing]

Dear Bean-

I think that you are so right, and articulated our purpose wel and succinctlyl- To help each other!

Love and Thanks,

Changing

[alone48]

I cannot even image the pain all of you are feeling, I lost my mother when I was 5 and maybe it was a blessing. I know that I have found people on this board that seem to understand my feelings and emotions and certainly do not want to think that I will be attacked for them. Standing up for oneself and attacking are two different things.

Laura, you were quite gracious in sharing your story with Isabella.As was she. I only hope this becomes a friendship of sorts since it sounds like the two of you have so much to share. All of you have helped me so much when I needed it, I hate to see us turning on one another which we can least afford. I know that I always try to be the peacemaker in my family and I feel as if this is a family to me.

Ami, you and I are so similar as trying to be the peacemaker, God bless you.

[isittoolate]

Dear alone

Do you remember your mother at all? Do you remember getting over it? Do you know what she was like?
I'd really appreciate what you can tell me, as I was in the car accident when my daughter was 5 and was gone a year, but had short visits all along.

Thanks
Izzy

[reallyME]

alone,

I have nothing personally against Isabella at all.  I do not know her, other than what she shared, but, now that i've read her story, her feelings about my anger make perfect sense.  Anger was something that was very much used as a weapon on her by her dysfunctional mother.  I am relieved to know that I was never cruel like that to my children, although admittedly I've made mistakes and had some wrong behaviors in trying to be a "perfect" mom in the past.

No, at this point, the roles are very distorted in my family...the 18 year old treats me as though I'm HER child and she is the N mother.  People who have not lived with domineering, controlling, mouth teens, would not really get the gist of what life is like with mine.  Daily responses when I correct her for mistreating her sister, go something like "I will do whatever I want.  This is my house and I don't have to listen to you."  Now, tell me that if you heard that every time you confronted the 18 year old for being mean to her siblings or the pets, you might not feel some real anger and maybe even want to whack the girl.  My FEELINGS are justifiable and normal...there were no actions accompanying them whatsoever, which makes me NOT a cruel or N parent, I'd say.

Isabella, i pray you find peace and some supporters in your life who can walk with you through your own healing times.

Blessya,
~Laura

[changing]

Hi Izzy-

My mother left us before I was 5 and I still remember so much of the time before. I remember riding in the car with her, going to the beach, playing "Isadora Duncan" in the backyard while she played the piano, visiting my grandma with her, having my photograph taken with my brother, etc., and many things that she said to me.

Oh Izzy it seems that you are haunted by that fateful year that you were away from your beloved daughter- I am sure that she missed you, but she also knew that you didn't leave like my mother, but were making a courageous effort to get back to her and provide a home. This is what the real crux of the matter is- there is no doubt that she knew that every fiber in you wanted to come home and be a family- and you did, Izzy! And so very well, too. She is lovely and educated and strong enough to have survived a super-N. You did this, you fortified and taught her, she is not lost or damaged, and you need not feel anxiety about what you did after your accident- you should feel proud and content- I am certainly proud of you Izzy. (((((Izzy)))))

Love and the Utmost Respect,

Changing

[isittoolate]

Thank you so much, changing.

You are a doll, and you can remember all that?

My daughter says she doesn't remember anything except for riding me down the street on the back of her tricycle. Yet we had car rides, visits to friends and A&W days and DQ sundae days and movies, dining out, skating, swimmimg. It just surprises me that nothing registered, but then under the circumstances maybe better, as I was walking--that might be the 'block'.

Haunted, yes, but not in a detrimental way--let's say, terribly curious about 5 year old children, as I can remember things too.
I think about a lot of things but they 'don't bring me down'

Love
the convoluted Izzy

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[alone48]

Dear Izzy,

I have some very vague memories that I wonder if they are real or not. The only one I am sure of, my mother was going on a date (my dad was overseas in the Korean War and they were still married) and she had taken me to the store across the street to get us cokes (I guess a reward for her not being there) and I had to walk across a busy street with the coke bottles and fell somewhere in the middle. She stood on the side of the street yelling at me to get up, but never came to help (I had to have been 4 or 5 at the time. The next memory was of my great aunt getting the phone call that my mother was dead and her screaming like a banshee. My father returned home for the funeral and to care for us kids (4). My mother had gone to a party with the boyfriend and left on her own...? She fell down, hit her head, and froze to death. The day of the funeral, the boyfriend showed up to make up with my mom, he didn't know obviously. He and my father got into a brawl in the front yard. Those are the only memories I have of my mother, so you can see why I thought it was a blessing. Now in hindsight, I don't know what she suffered to become the person she was.

As children we were always told how fortunate we were that our father kept us and raised us (I know that was hard), but I often felt it was more a badge of honor than the fact he really wanted us.

Changing, I believe if I had the good memories that you had there would be more ability to recall.

Laura, I never felt you attacked anyone on this board and can understand your feelings. So often I say things that if taken in the context they are said, I would be accused of wanting revenge, but I know I will never follow thru and am just venting as were you.

[changing]

Dear Alone-

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother and the sadness of your childhood (((((Alone))))). I pray that you make wonderful memories of love and living for the rest of your life for yourself and others- you deserve it!!!!

Love and Many Hugs,

Changing

[reallyME]

Changing, I'm so sorry for your loss of a true mother.  That must have been a really hard thing to go through and heal from.  I'm sure you have already come far in that process.

Izzy, that is such a sad thing to go through in your young life!  My heart goes out to you as well.

Alone,

Thank you for validating me.  The thing was, I merely "thought" those angry thoughts toward my daughter.  I never spoke them out loud nor did I carry through with them. 

If anyone has ever seen a movie where a person's thoughts could be heard, we'd all realize that it's a good thing that some of ours are NOT.  That's the gift of God...to be able to keep things inside sometimes.  It's not only just something that some people do to their detriment (example:  she bottles her feelings and needs to learn to express them)...it's often for our own protection.

It was in speaking what i was thinking out loud about my abusive step-father, that got me backhanded and thrown into a wall.  Thoughts and feelings are ok and healthy...it's what we do with them that may not be.


Changing, I'm so sorry for your loss of a true mother.  That must have been a really hard thing to go through and heal from.  I'm sure you have already come far in that process.

Izzy, that is such a sad thing to go through in your young life!  My heart goes out to you as well.

~Laura

[changing]

Hi Izzy-

Could you teach me about how to post those snazzy pictures (I don't even know what they are called) at the bottom left hand corner of your posts, after law school finals are over? I would just love to know how (not as smart as you are, so it may take time, but I will apply myself)!

Love From a Technologically Challenged,

Changing

[Leah]

My heart reaches out with love, understanding, and compassion, to each and everyone of us who have been hurt so very deeply at the hands of those we loved and needed, with hope for our future.

May God bless us, and guide us, with His grace and mercy; one and all.

Much Love,

Leah

[reallyME]

CB, you have not lost a voice with me at all.  i read what you wrote.

As far as my being upset when someone posts to defend my adversary, of course I'd be upset.  Pretty much anyone would be upset when they see a friend being kind to someone who just attacked them.  My gosh!

i am not one to stay quiet when someone accuses me of things I haven't thought, felt or said nor when they "Should" me.  if I'm guilty, then FINE, I will/have admitted that on posts many times.  I've shared my own shortcomings regarding parenting my daughter.  I am not absolved from admitting fault of my own.

CB:

(I ran across a journal of my husbands that outlined all that he thought about me and wanted to do to me--he felt that writing it and not doing it was okay.

Actually, someone writing in a journal IS ok.  It was not written for you to read.  Some might say that was a violation of his privacy.  I have read my daughter's journal, therefore, I do not agree that it is a violation of privacy at all times, personally.  I will say however, something someone once told me.  "If you are going to eavesdrop on someone's convo, read their private thoughts, don't be surprised if you find out they are saying negative things about you."  In other words, when we read someone's private journal, it makes no sense that we'd be shocked at what we see about us there.

Ya know, in a very real way, this Voicelessness board is a journal of a sort.  If any N's in our lives ever came and read this, they'd be SHOCKED at what they read too, I'm certain.  it's just how it is.

As far as Isabella's story, I think I expressed how deeply hurt I felt for her.  As far as being presumptuous in sharing my own story, similar to hers, that was a matter of opinion.  I had already clarified to her that i was not trying to diminish her pain, but only identifying with it, so that she felt that I understood.

That's all for now, CB, but whether or not you/I like what the other one says, with me, you still have a voice.

~Laura

[changing]

Hi CB-

I hope all is well with you! You have always been so fair, just and kind with everyone and I appreciate how you communicated acceptance when I posted,especially the posts that were tough to send. I hope that you have a lovely week!

Love and Thanks,

Changing

[isittoolate]

Hi everyone, including changing, alone and reallyMe

Of Course! Definitely, changing, I will teach you how to insert those Snazzy Pictures that are usually referred to as .gifs (JIFFS) or .jpgs (JAYPEGS) They are the formats that use the least space over some other forms of icons (pictures)

I had my cast off today and it's a bit scary as I still am now allowed to bear weight on that leg. The Dr. wanted that then I go back in a week for an x-ray. I took a picture and it shows my right leg slathered with ointment that Dave gave me. It has been on for an hour now and is just beginning to sink into my skin, There is a sore on my heal so that is bandaged. Now I have to worry about a shoe as Dave had to 'force' my shoe on today, and snow is forecast for tonight/tomorrow. No way can I force my snowboot on that foot.

alone, I felt so bad for you with the memories of your mother. I couldn't quite figure out if your father showed you love and attention after your mother's sad death. Nobody gets out of this life alive, eh? and I think no one gets through this life without something heartbreaking along the way. However, we know that we get our weird/odd/familial traits/etc., from our parents, from the day we are born, and some people say this can happen in the womb, too. Therefore we know what we can pass on to our children, good or bad.

reallyMe I experienced much as a little girl, but I still think, because I am disconnected, that that is what saved me from feeling the oh so painful happenings and the disconnection still saves from the memories. I know in my head but do not feel in my heart and I don't want the pain, at my age! I think when I am cremated there will be a 'black box' of feelings that won't burn, as in aircraft!

So if you read all of this, I am attaching a picture--still swelling after one week short of 3 months.

Love Izzy



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