Thanks Iphi - I'm very surprised myself at my reaction, to be honest. Thinking about it, I feel that, really, I grieved more over the end of my relationship with Anne about ten years ago, soon after I stopped visiting her at her house. I remember sitting at home, feeling 'as if' she'd died, because I wasn't able to have contact with her any more. (This was about two years after going NC with my NMum and NSister - so I was much more confused about the motives for their behaviour, then). So, I think that I had 'got over' the lost relationship with her, pretty much, anyway.
But it's the contact from my NMum that I have always thought would panic me, and it just didn't. I have never even imagined that SHE would email me, because I know from my dad that she hasn't got a computer in her house (so it must have been sent from the 'boyfriend's' house). So, my guard was down, and I could have been even more shocked if I'd allowed myself to be.
I almost didn't post this topic, because it seems to be a 'non-topic' compared with other people's problems, but apart from the sadness I do feel, I think we sometimes don't actually talk about the progress we're making, just the crises.
I know I'm not completely where I want to be, though - I still have nightmares about my NMum, where I'm trying to reach her face to scratch at her, to stop her slagging me off, and when I touch her, her flesh falls off in chunks, as if she'd dead (any takers on what THAT means?!), but I know the feeling of pain at wondering what the rumour-mongering is doing to people who get told such lies by the N's. In the end, I suppose I just have to get on with my life and not let thoughts of possible conversations (between people I don't talk to) allow me to waste my life. Easier said than done, I know.
Janet
