Dating

[Leah]

I've felt really low all night tonight.

Of course, it could just be that I'm finally taking my doctor's advice and limiting my caffeine.  I have a terrible headache.

Hi Tayana,

Caffeine reduction can give headaches, and the feeling extra tired too. 

Did with me a while back.

Hope you and M have a lovely weekend. 

Leah

[Hopalong]

...get the dang book hon.

love to you,
Hops

[tayana]

I ordered it, Hops.  The dang library didn't have it.

[write]

I did it- I signed up with eharmony!

Decided that will be a way to cope at an emotional distance with the whole feeling a bit superficial/judged superficially aspect of the dating thing until i get the hang of it- what i am doing so far of attaching to someone before I know them properly isn't working. I'll just do loads of unrequited love affairs and repeat my ex-relationship or some aspects of it I think....

Anyway we'll see, maybe I just need to go out a few times and practise relaxing and being myself!

This is a step outside the usual for me, but I just read a book called 'Dealbreakers' and they recommend breaking habits and patterns- meet some different men than your usual pattern and see how it feels.

Hops recommended a book ages ago called 'Escape from Intimacy' which said the same.


I attach too easily...I make myself vulnerable to men who act out.
 

[tayana]

Good for you Write.  The best thing about the online dating thing is that you don't have to reply to anyone who emails you.  Just spend some time chatting and meet for coffee or something.  It can be fun.

Good luck!

[write]

thanks Tayana.
I hope I can step outside my usual pattern of relating to a man!
I think I'll need to change though, I was talking to my favourite guy friend yesterday, we'd been to a movie with another friend a few days ago and the topic was pretty heavy but the discussion afterwards I was really intense...we were saying it's part of our personality and maybe not 'first date' ( or any date ) appropriate.

Actually I am not quite sure if he and I aren't developing feelings beyond friendship, but he's really busy with his career, to the point he says he can't do a relationship right now. But he looks at me with such undisguised affection sometimes, reminds me what i am looking for eventually!

[write]

it's quite strange this eharmony thing, you send out questions and people either respond or blow you off- it's good practice at 'selection' without emotion anyway. The nice ones send a 'good luck' message when they end the communication.

It's triggering a little defensiveness and 'rejection reaction' but barely uncomfortable, and I am having a good sense of humour about it so far....

no date as yet but it's only been 4 days!

~W

[tayana]

Hey write.  I'm sorry I haven't replied.  I haven't been around much.

The online dating thing is a little weird, but it does let you communicate with people without getting too attached or triggered.  I was so nervous the few times I've replied to emails.  It can be fun.  Just keep a sense of humor and it'll be fine.

Just be careful.

[write]

The online dating thing is a little weird, but it does let you communicate with people without getting too attached or triggered.  I was so nervous the few times I've replied to emails.  It can be fun.  Just keep a sense of humor and it'll be fine.

thanks Tayana.
It's actually proving very useful, the structured nature of it.
The profile was MOST REVEALING, nothing I didn't know about myself, but uncanny how they knew 

It's all showing me a lot about my values too- and where I am letting my idealism become impractical- like saying I'll date anyone from any nationality when i know I will have cultural issues say with a person who believes in male dominated society etc

I'm enjoying it, no dates as yet but lots of matches and communications.

Love
~Write

[tayana]

Good for you.  One of my co-workers does the online thing pretty regularly.  That was why I tried it, although I was cheap and found a free place.  Not as many people, but I did find someone.

The structured nature is really nice, and so is the fact that you can talk and get to know each other before you actually meet.  At least you have something to talk about.

I'm so glad you're giving it a try.