Yesterday, Ami posted on several threads that she had 'had a rejection' from a 'friend'.
I would like to set the record straight, as I am the 'friend' referred to, that is not how it seemed to me.
We had been sending PMs to each other for a while, but some of the PMs from Ami concerned an online 'affair' that she is having, and I was very unconfortable with being the secret-keeper concerning that relationship. Anyone who has read my story on the other part of the forum will know that a large part of the problem that I had with my N mother was that, when I was a child, my NMum had affairs that she confided to me, and she expected me to help her hide those from my Dad. Being a child, I had no choice but to go along with that, which caused me a lot of pain, and led to the relationship with my dad being distant for years.
When Ami first confided in me about her 'affair', I said to her that I felt 'triggered' by what she was telling me, and very uncomfortable with it. Being 'triggered' is forum-speak for 'very strong, and real, painful emotions towards something which I am experiencing now, which reminds me of an event from the past'. But she needed to keep confiding, so she took no notice.
On Monday, as the things she was telling me were escalating, I decided to set a boundary, and told her that I no longer wanted to hear any details at all of the relattionship she is having. She agreed to respect my boundary....and then in the very next sentence, stomped all over it, by saying 'I respect what you are saying about ****. I just want to ask you WHY you think it is doomed--just your opinion' (and other questions, which I don't want to list here).
I had to repeat to her that the boundary had ALREADY gone up, and I wasn't going to discuss it any more.
I then suggested that I thought it might be better if we only 'conversed' on the forum (not by PM) for a while. She replied by saying: "THAT is not friends and is not acceptable to me.. ... My answer is that I do not care to be friends."
So, who rejected who?
It's debatable, but I think the way Ami is describing it is a little economical with the truth. I had the right to establish a boundary, which Ami didn't want to adhere to. That's her choice. But she needs to realise that there are consequences to her decision. That isn't 'being rejected' by someone else, though, because saying you've simply 'been rejected' suggests that you were entirely innocent, which isn't the case here.
Janet
