Hi
Probably most of you would not remember me. I found this board probably about 4 years ago, or so when I was in an awful, abusive marriage with a narcissist. I was totally isolated and these firends provided a lot of support... but then the board got toxic and I left. I have checked in one or two times since then.
Here I am again, divorced (and happy) (mostly). I just finished my masters degree program and on the job trail. I have learned so much about how I wound up married to a narcissist in the first place.
Now I am about to travel several thousand miles to be with family because my grandmother is dying. My grandmother has always been the compassion and stability in my life. Nobody has ever loved me as much as she does.
My parents.... I don't know if they were narcissists, but they are aloof self absorbed in my experience. I keep trying to tell myself that they do the best they can, but I am just feeling these profound feelings of abandonment from them. Especailly my mother.
I do love being single, and really don't believe in "love" but now that I am loosing grany, I am afraid I am going to feel mad at my parents (when I am trying to accept them for who they are and realize they are not going to change and just be thankful I had her.) I obviously can't express my feelings to my parents because they are self-absorbed or super fragile and don't get it. SO, I am just feeling so profoundly unloved and unimportant and alone.
I am trying to figure out how to deal with these feelings gracefully as I go home and deal with the same cast of characters with the same scripts (after I have worked so hard at changing my script).
help! SJ
