AA Thread

[Certain Hope]

 The additional question I asked was how big a part do others guess alcoholism and other drug addictions play in the posts on VESMB in general and reactions as a whole to various and sundry posts. 

Dear tt,

When I drank excessively, I was also heavily involved in online chat (ironically/sickeningly, Christian chatrooms).
Under the effects of alcohol, my emotions were extremely forceful - both on the *loving* side and on the *I'm not taking any crud* side.
Cruel? No. Blunt? Definitely. Rude, but not crude. A sort of dogged approach, with no intent whatsoever to harm, but an interesting twist -
I was certain that my intuitions about others were correct - and often they were! However - I also fell for NPD-ex-husband during that period, so - quite clearly, the alcohol was dulling my senses considerably more than it was heightening them.

Short answer - I think that drinking/addictions enable folks to say/do alot of stuff on message boards that they wouldn't while in their "right minds", but not necessarily to be cruel. What comes out under the influence is only what is already there in the heart of that person, imo.

Love,
Carolyn

[seasons]

(((Beth and Carolyn)))

Thank you for sharing. With care and love seasons

[Hopalong]

What comes out under the influence is only what is already there in the heart of that person

I agree, Carolyn.

I was thinking, TT, about the first part of your question. I think when my mother wants something, that for most of my life it was like an insect in my brain. I could not make it still without leaping to calm her. Now, I more often simply tell her Yes, No, or Later ... and focus on calming myself.

I think the wiggling of the insect truly feels like a craving for a fix, to silence that noise and discomfort. I didn't always recognize it as painful, but it truly was, because her demands were endless and her nature insatiable. Nerves always on edge, concentration trashed because she could never leave me alone, incredible tension carried in my body. Living with her I began behaving like an abused cat that flows around doorways and skulks from one place to another. (Now I just walk in the door. Take care of myself. Fix her food if she needs it, bring her pills, and say goodnight. Her diminished power is a blessing, though that seems evil to say.)

Obeying her, keeping her first and foremost in my mind, was definitely like getting a fix. (Meanwhile, all the insect did was grow until it was big as a June bug.)

Like Beth says though, in sobriety from the codependent compulsions, I am not free of brainbugs. They're just my own, not from an external source. So I still have to deal with them. (Right now, I suppose I have an ant farm up there. Not all bad...) 

love and thanks for letting this thread "spread", Beth...
Hops

[teartracks]

Hi Hops,

Dittos, dittos, dittos!

My mom is at my brothers and I'm with my daughter for at least Christmas.  I know exactly how you feel.  Thank goodness we can still feel!

tt

[teartracks]

Thanks Bones, Bella, Beth, Certain Hope, Seasons, and Hops.

All of what y'all say is sinking in.  I so appreciate your input.  I never thought I'd be asking these questions mainly because I come from the generation that didn't do drugs.  My parents were not drinkers and I was shielded from people who did.  That's why I am so naive about it all.

tt

[tayana]

I think the wiggling of the insect truly feels like a craving for a fix, to silence that noise and discomfort. I didn't always recognize it as painful, but it truly was, because her demands were endless and her nature insatiable. Nerves always on edge, concentration trashed because she could never leave me alone, incredible tension carried in my body. Living with her I began behaving like an abused cat that flows around doorways and skulks from one place to another. (Now I just walk in the door. Take care of myself. Fix her food if she needs it, bring her pills, and say goodnight. Her diminished power is a blessing, though that seems evil to say.)

Hops, I understand this feeling completely.  That's how I often feel around my mother, like there's all this tension, and I just can't escape it.

I don't think I could live with her anymore.  It is something like an addiction because for so long, I concentrated on making her feel good and not upsetting her.  Somehow I got lost in the mix.