a ministry partner sent this to me to lighten the mood:
HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can
trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 & your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number
to press.
If you are clincally depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will
make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, leave a message after the beep, before the beep or after the beep.
Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up as our operators are too busy to talk with
you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You
won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering
to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.....
(Well, my job is done .....Your turn)
