Dear Lollie,
You have such a "sweet" voice. I can picture you as soft and gentle. It seems that you have had great courage to move forward,instead of giving up(which is often the "easier" option).
I can relate to much of your story.I clung to my F( the good parent).
I knew that my M was off. I tried to make up for it by looking "good".* I* had to have a good image so she would look good..
I have tried to please therapists(many times) and lost what *I* needed ,in the therapy.
The board ,for me, provided the most healing. As I face the truth,I heal. My journey is simply to face what IS and to separate the lies from the truth. the truth is that we ARE worth s/thing. That basic truth will take us a long way to health(IMO)
I am so glad that you are here and working on issues, which is the reason for the board's existence.
Love Ami
((((((((((Lollie)))))))))))))))