Does Fear Just Overwhelm you---At times ?

[Ami]

Does fear come to sit on your shoulders and hold you with a death"grip"?
Just wanted to hear other people's experience ,if  you care to share about it.                     Thanks   Ami

[Overcomer]

I agree with the plane thing especially after my last flying experience.  Going on road trips with my mom-in fact ANY vacation with her-it ALWAYS does up with her shutting down and pouting over someones wrong move.  I am fearful of dying young and leaving my children before they are grown.

[SallyingForth]

Recently, I experienced the worst physical pain in my life. I would have to say my fear is this illness returning again. It's a B•••• and I never want to go through that pain again. Definitely a 10 on pain scale!

Other than that I have no fears.

[Ami]

I 'wish" I could say that I was afraid of tangible things like Bean,Kelly and Sally. I didn't even want to answer yesterday b/c I was embarrassed. My fear IS of tangible things but also of "nothing"
 I am simply afraid much of the time of what could happen and that  I would not be able to handle it--- that I would become "unglued"
 I am writing about it as a way to face it and then heal it.
             Love   Ami


(((((((((((Bean, Kelly, Sally))))))))))))))))


PS --Sally, Could you explain how you don't have fears.if you care to. It is so "different" and "strange to me to hear your  comment, Sally.

[towrite]

Like you, Ami, my fears are not so much of tangible things, like flying or floods. I am so fearful of people who mean me harm, are toxic to me, and of being a failure. My fear paralyzes me. People used to say to go run or work out and work the anxiety out of you. I never could do that b/c literally any extra physical movement would ramp up my fear. It also ruins my concentration - I can't read, can't stand bright light, and can't stand for long periods.

I've had to face some pretty large fears in therapy. With a therapist I trusted, I could regress and allow all the screams and howls to come out that I had had to hold in as a child. That took a lot of pressure off. And then I could talk about the fears. Some of them were damned amazing 'cus I had absolutely no idea they were in there, so deeply buried. When I could talk, I described them. My therapist was so understanding, so smart, and always "got it" the first time. I felt accepted and understood and many of the fears diminished, if not outright disappeared. I think being afraid we will fall to pieces if we face a fear is more common than we know. I remember my T saying that's why lots of people don't grow or heal - they don't have the courage. Do you have someone you trust who can sit with you as a "bodyguard" while you test the waters?

One thing I know about myself was that I had a "fear of the fear" - I had been programmed to be terrified if I ever talked to anyone about it/them. I had been threatened with all sorts of punishment and humiliation if I ever breathed a word. That made it harder, but my T helped me with that by barring the door to my (figurative) parents. She made me feel safe and IMO that's the key.

Let me know how it goes. I'd come any day and sit with you if I could.

Kate

[Ami]

Like you, Ami, my fears are not so much of tangible things, like flying or floods. I am so fearful of people who mean me harm, are toxic to me, and of being a failure. My fear paralyzes me. People used to say to go run or work out and work the anxiety out of you. I never could do that b/c literally any extra physical movement would ramp up my fear. It also ruins my concentration - I can't read, can't stand bright light, and can't stand for long periods.

I've had to face some pretty large fears in therapy. With a therapist I trusted, I could regress and allow all the screams and howls to come out that I had had to hold in as a child. That took a lot of pressure off. And then I could talk about the fears. Some of them were damned amazing 'cus I had absolutely no idea they were in there, so deeply buried. When I could talk, I described them. My therapist was so understanding, so smart, and always "got it" the first time. I felt accepted and understood and many of the fears diminished, if not outright disappeared. I think being afraid we will fall to pieces if we face a fear is more common than we know. I remember my T saying that's why lots of people don't grow or heal - they don't have the courage. Do you have someone you trust who can sit with you as a "bodyguard" while you test the waters?

One thing I know about myself was that I had a "fear of the fear" - I had been programmed to be terrified if I ever talked to anyone about it/them. I had been threatened with all sorts of punishment and humiliation if I ever breathed a word. That made it harder, but my T helped me with that by barring the door to my (figurative) parents. She made me feel safe and IMO that's the key.

Let me know how it goes. I'd come any day and sit with you if I could.

Kate

Dear Kate,
  That was so sweet that you would come and sit with me. It warmed my heart to read those words. God DID send s/one to help me. I think that I will be allright.
Many of my fears are from crazy N thinking.For example, I must be approved of or I will 'die"----bleh. I have so many "stupid" beliefs about life that they could fill a library(LOL). Gotta start dumping them out and replacing them with the truth which is that all people are the 'same' and that shame is all a damn  lie. It is a lie that will destroy .. All it is is a ghost when you face it.
  Thanks so much for your response, towrite.Keep sharing,as it is always helpful            Love   Ami

[Ami]

Hi Ami & towrite,

I do understand the fear of becoming unglued - of not being able to control myself in a tough situation (like while having contact with my FOO).

This fear/anxiety is what ultimately drove me into therapy.  At first, I thought my therapist would berate me for it, but she was totally understanding and said it is simply a sign of being abused.  Irrational fear is nothing to fear, in other words.  I am so glad I worked through that because it was horribly uncomfortable, so I do understand.


((((((Ami))))))))  (((((((((((towrite))))))))))))

bean

Dear Bean,
  What you were talking about is what I meant. I always expect to be berated for "fear" ( and most other emotions,too). I  am surprised when s/one handles my emotions,kindly. I am not used to it. I WANT to get used to it though,(lol)
Bean, could you explain in more specifics the way that you came OUT of fear(irrational fear). I would love you to do so, if you could.               Thanks so much, Bean           Love   Ami

[Ami]

Dear Kate,
  I have the same question for you. Could you explain,in more specifics, the steps and processes of coming out of fear(with your therapist)or on your own.            Thanks so much, Kate          Love   Ami

[reallyME]

Generally, no.  I don't have gripping fear like I did before I had been on my medicine.  What you have been describing, Ami, seems like anxiety to me and might need medical attention possibly.  Are you on meds for anxiety already?  I don't remember if you have ever said anything about it on the group.

One of the things I often tell my mother, who happens to be severely paranoid, is "I refuse to live my life in fear, Mom."  Now, do I feel apprehensive once in a while about something?  Yes.  All I have to do is watch the news about Iraq, and that pretty much starts the cycle for me, therefore, as a habit, I don't watch the news.  "Head in the sand?" Probably, but I intend to keep it there as often as I can, to avoid having someone lop it off!

My daughter is afraid of me dying and herself dying one day.  Death is not a nice topic for us, but I am just honest with her, that I'm not dying any time soon that I know of, but if I did, God would send someone to be her special friend and walk with her through life.

I do not talk much about eternity yet with my children, because my honest thought about it, is, we will know when we get there, but for now, as Christians, we trust in a place that is peaceful, beautiful and with God, that we know as heaven.

~Laura

[Ami]

Dear Laura,
  I am not on medication. . I am trying to use my fear as an impetus to push me to health. The Bible says that "Perfect love casts out fear.". I take this to be God's love . The antidote to fear is to realize HOW much God loves you. Is this how you read it,Laura?
                                                   Ami

[reallyME]

Yes, perfect love does cast out fear, however, have people that were raised by narcissists, ever experienced perfect love?  I highly doubt it.

As I said, yes I have a relationship with God, and no, I'm no longer impulsive like I used to be, but I credit medication that God led me to, for bringing about any calmness and healing that I've experienced.

I'm serious, Ami, if you are very fearful and anxious, it may not be something you can just overcome by quoting the Bible.  Medication may be a way to go.

I have a very dear friend who is a prophetic minister.  She had problems with depression and anxiety and sleep disorder.  She finally got on antidepressants, even after she tried quoting the Bible, praying, and pleading with God, and because of that medicine, the chemicals in her brain are now balanced and she can sleep, cope, and is happy.

It's just a suggestion, but I've seen how anxious you have gotten on some posts, sis, and it might be worth looking into.  I'm not trying to diagnose, just hoping to give an option here.  Please consider.  You deserve to live a life of freedom no matter how you achieve it.  God wants that for you, Ami

~Laura

[Ami]

 just a suggestion, but I've seen how anxious you have gotten on some posts, sis,



Dear Laura,
  YOU are so cute--the master of understatement! LOL                                         Love    Ami

[Overcomer]

And if you go on anti depressants you will probably gain some weight Am and you could use it.  Also there is a book called THE LIES WE BELIEVE by Backus.  I suggest this book for anyone who has problems with having to look perfect etc.

[Ami]

Are you on them,Kelly?

[reallyME]

Ok, I'm going to say this, but please realize I am not directing it to anyone to attack them...

One of the main problems I have seen on this group in some people, is the tendency of being very "touchy" quickly, even about some things that were not directed at them in an assaultive way.

Antidepressants and Anti-anxiety meds could help those people with those tendencies, and make everyone around them a lot happier.  Sometimes we are quick to think that everyone is "out to get me" when actually, it's about you being overly touchy, triggered or impulsive.  There is no amount of willpower that can correct a brain dysfunction, sorry. 

~Laura