what about mpd/did?

[reallyME]

Have any of your parents or the narcissists in your lives, been diagnosed with mpd/did?

I've been reading a book called SWITCHING TIME, about a lady named Karen Overhill, written by her own psychiatrist, after about 8 or so years of therapy.  Karen was a true case of mpd, discovered when she went to the psychiatrist for help with depressive/anxiety symptoms.

At the point I'm at in the book, Karen's alters are now integrating, and, for the first time, Karen is having to feel the pain, psychologically, of the physical torture she was put there from babyhood up till years later.  She is also meeting the in-person friends of her alters...people SHE actually didn't know, because her alters were the ones who befriended them.  Karen is having to learn who SHE is, because she never truly was the one living her own life.  Karen was shielded from the pain by all these personalities living inside her.

Karen had to contend with learning her own spiritual beliefs, sexual tendencies (one of her alters was a lesbian, because it was men who tortured Karen).  Karen had to come to a place of new trust about talking to ministers and going to church, because she was tortured in a church, by priests.

It is a fascinating book, a true story, and it really gave me new compassion for dysfunctional people.

I'm just wondering if any of you here, have met an mpd person or if the N's in your life, also had this disorder?  I think it would be really confusing for a person with mpd to have one of his/her personalities be the narcissistic type.  I wonder if that's possible or common.

Any thoughts on this topic, appreciated.

~Laura

[Hopalong]

I knew a man who married a woman with dissociative identity disorder.
He told me he believed one of her identities was an angel. 
(He was a kind of renegade psychologist.)

Here on the board, I miss Bloopsy very much. She has DID
and was living through some very frightening things, with inadquate
resources. She was loving and vulnerable and taking a lot of risks.

Anyone who "split off" from early abuse might relate. The most severe cases,
as I understand it, don't realize they are multiple, becaue the personalities
are walled off from each other. So it's a very confusing and frightening
disorder to have. Like "blackouts" -- not having full awareness of times
when somebody else was in charge.

Bless the therapists who can do the wonderful work of helping someone
with DID integrate their selves into one whole self.

Hops

[reallyME]

Hops: Anyone who "split off" from early abuse might relate. The most severe cases,
as I understand it, don't realize they are multiple, becaue the personalities
are walled off from each other. So it's a very confusing and frightening
disorder to have. Like "blackouts" -- not having full awareness of times
when somebody else was in charge.

I can remember an incident where my step father threw me down on the bed, began punching me in the stomach, and I kicked him between the legs.  When he recovered the shock, he grabbed me by the arm and flung me into the wall of my bedroom.  My nose was broken.

While I was kicking him, I was screaming, "go ahead and kill me! you know you WANT to! I will go get the knife for ya!  I don't care if you punch me.  I don't feel ANYTHING!"  It was a form of dissociation and it was one that I used regularly during beatings by him.

~Laura

[sea storm]

How terrible for you Laura. Dissociation or splitting is a blessing for children who have been abused.
I dont know what to say except I am glad that you are able to talk about that painful experience with peoplle who care. If I was there and saw him do that I would call the cops and tell him what a pathetic bully he was. I would hold you and tell you that you did not deserve it, no one does. Hopefully, those loving voices are in your head now. New voices.

Much love to you,
Sea storm

[SallyingForth]

Have any of your parents or the narcissists in your lives, been diagnosed with mpd/did?

No, but I am! I am not N.

I've been reading a book called SWITCHING TIME, about a lady named Karen Overhill, written by her own psychiatrist, after about 8 or so years of therapy.  Karen was a true case of mpd, discovered when she went to the psychiatrist for help with depressive/anxiety symptoms.

I've read every book on it so this must be a new one. I'll have to check it out.

At the point I'm at in the book, Karen's alters are now integrating, and, for the first time, Karen is having to feel the pain, psychologically, of the physical torture she was put there from babyhood up till years later.  She is also meeting the in-person friends of her alters...people SHE actually didn't know, because her alters were the ones who befriended them.  Karen is having to learn who SHE is, because she never truly was the one living her own life.  Karen was shielded from the pain by all these personalities living inside her.

Actually every person with mpd/did is different. Some people are aware of the pain and are not shielded from it. That's how it is in my case. As I write my book, I literally go through the memories and the emotions connected with each memory.

Karen had to contend with learning her own spiritual beliefs, sexual tendencies (one of her alters was a lesbian, because it was men who tortured Karen).

For me, it is having a gay male alter. I am female. It's been a strange journey.  

It is a fascinating book, a true story, and it really gave me new compassion for dysfunctional people.

On the contrary, I am, as are most mpd/did'ers, high functioning, especially considering what I've been through. I consider my mpd/did, which I don't see as a disorder [neither does my therapist], a gift from God to survive the unthinkable and unconscionable. I am far from dysfunctional, having lived in a family where my mother, father, oldest and youngest brother are all N and/or have OCPD, I survived unscathed, without any personality disorders and mental illnesses. In addition, I survived the torture, rapes, and abuse which my psychopathic/N/sadomasochistic bio-father and his boyfriend perpetrated upon me.

I'm just wondering if any of you here, have met an mpd person or if the N's in your life, also had this disorder?  I think it would be really confusing for a person with mpd to have one of his/her personalities be the narcissistic type.  I wonder if that's possible or common.

~Laura

It's most likely that during integration any N tendencies would be addressed and resolved. However, I would imagine that most people with mpd/did are not N's unless they are psychopaths.

If you're a psychopath you're automatically a N.

[SallyingForth]

I expect when my therapist said I was disconnected from my feelings, she meant something like this---as though I refused to feel the pain of my father's razor strap beatings, and to my recollection I never fought back with words (lost my voice away back then?) just tried to protect--what? my face, eyes, arms, legs--while being beaten.

Then everyone sits down to a family dinner and the elephant sat in the house for--well the last beating I remember was my next eldest sister at age 17. I watched, did nothing. We were all that way. I've read that it is just as traumatic to a child to watch a beating. I'd be 22 months younger

and I now have a family that will not admit to the dysfunction????

So I live 2000 miles away from them and put them over on the toxic side of the fence!

I like your picture of the fence. Mine is taller, about 7 feet high with a locked gate and no spaces between the boards. That's the one between any N's and me.

My entire family acts as if nothing ever happened to me, even though they know that stuff did happen. One brother sort of, kind of admits "you were treated different." That the only truth I've ever heard. Oh except my mother admitting that I was born earlier than I should have been. Well sort of admitting that. She said, "I planned each child two years apart." Hm. OOOOOOPPPPPPPSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Dissociation is a continuum. On the one end it's driving down the road and not remembering the journey. One step up or so, it's leaving your body when being whipped. On the extreme other end it is mpd/did with poly-fragmentation [many, many fragments]. Some where in between is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

[reallyME]

VERY GOOD DESCRIPTION, Sally:

Dissociation is a continuum. On the one end it's driving down the road and not remembering the journey. One step up or so, it's leaving your body when being whipped. On the extreme other end it is mpd/did with poly-fragmentation [many, many fragments]. Some where in between is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I am so sorry for all of your pain, Sally, Izzy, all.  Abuse is awful no matter what form it comes in, and, although I consider mpd and disociation a gift from God while it was happening, I can't agree that it remains a gift years later.  I believe it can often keep people in a perpetual state that is not healthy or balanced, and integration needs to eventually take place (my view).

In my case, calling my step father a bully, would not have phased him; in fact, he'd look at you, confused and not understanding why you'd call him that.  To him, I needed discipline and he was giving it.  He was paranoid-shizophrenic and ocd, ocpd and a bunch of other things,due to his own abuse and brain disorders.  I honestly have a lot of compassion for the man, though he is deceased.  He and I were on good terms, the last time that we were together and he was somewhat sane.

~Laura

[SallyingForth]

VERY GOOD DESCRIPTION, Sally:

Dissociation is a continuum. On the one end it's driving down the road and not remembering the journey. One step up or so, it's leaving your body when being whipped. On the extreme other end it is mpd/did with poly-fragmentation [many, many fragments]. Some where in between is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I am so sorry for all of your pain, Sally, Izzy, all.  Abuse is awful no matter what form it comes in, and, although I consider mpd and disociation a gift from God while it was happening, I can't agree that it remains a gift years later.  I believe it can often keep people in a perpetual state that is not healthy or balanced, and integration needs to eventually take place (my view).
~Laura

I agree with you 100%, although many of those with mpd/did don't. I even had a Christian friend who said integration wasn't necessary to heal. I don't believe is true.

Dissociation was a marvelous tool when the abuse was occuring, to escape the pain and compartmentalize the memories. I am nearly integrated, down from being poly-fragmented at one time. I think the timing will be finishing my book at least that's the message I get from God.

[Ami]

I have never been diagnosed with anything(I don't go--lol), but I think that I have PTSD from reading the website. I feel "out of it" alot and "underwater". As I reclaim my core(emotions), I have times when I feel whole. . I think that the connection with my emotions will be the key to get rid of the numbness.
  It seems that I got "out of it" b/c I could not face my M. As I face it and reclaim the part of myself that I threw away(emotions) , I think that I will be well.  I need to take back what I threw away,as I see it.         Ami

[SallyingForth]

I have never been diagnosed with anything(I don't go--lol), but I think that I have PTSD from reading the website. I feel "out of it" alot and "underwater". As I reclaim my core(emotions), I have times when I feel whole. . I think that the connection with my emotions will be the key to get rid of the numbness.
  It seems that I got "out of it" b/c I could not face my M. As I face it and reclaim the part of myself that I threw away(emotions) , I think that I will be well.  I need to take back what I threw away,as I see it.         Ami

Yes, Ami, that is the way it has worked for me. As I write my novel, the memories come and I relive the trauma and grieve the loss. Then I reclaim more and more of myself.

[sea storm]

 That is an amazing undertaking. Let us know where to get a copy of your book.

I don't know much about MPD.  I know that people definately have different parts and different roles but distinct and independent personalities working independently and operating in the world?    I don't think I have ever really come across. that. It could account for some behaviour but I don't think the average person can cope with it all.

I could say that I have alters and diferent people in me because I can imagine this but it is not much more than that. It must be frightening to have forces out of one's control creating these multiple personalities.

One thing I know. It is ok to talk about it with safe people and I would be willing to hear about it and try to understand.