Gaslighting/ video tapes

[Whistler]

Thanks for all of your responses and support. It is much worse than I thought, I moved out, filed for a divorce immediately- But thinking back, I am pretty sure that my wife had hidden video cameras around our house. She would bait me into arguments. Then she would start crying hysterically and doing this fake head jerking movement saying I had driven her to mental trauma. It was totally fake.  She dropped hints that she knew what I was doing in other rooms when she was in another part of the house. I asked her if she was video taping me or something- she said I was paranoid- that I had a mental illness.

My lawyer said it was legal for her to video tape me as long as there is no sound. My divorce attorney says I should just wait to see if she tries to do something with the tapes- then decide what to do. I thiink I shoud go and see a criminal defese attorney now and start a plan of action. How does one prove someone is purposely trying to drive you to violence?  I did call WEAVE about what to do about her gaslighting. They said it was a common tactic of those engaged in affairs/ cruel people. They just said to decide to stay and ignore it or get out.

Should I seek out a domestic violence lawyer? or a criminal law lawyer who can help me develop a tactic.  She was videotaping me for some reason.

[reallyME]

I would do whatever you feel strongly led to do.  Only you know just how much is too much.

Your situation reminds me of a situation I was in, where X had been recording all my phone calls while I stayed at her house.  She and her h had a deep fear that i was talking to people about what i saw and heard while visiting them.  Actually, what i did do, was tell my young daughter to "just pray that I can get OUT of here SOON, I'm SERIOUS...these people are really strange and I'm scared!"

~L

[sea storm]

It is so hard to try to put yourself in the mind of someone without much conscience. Basically, they just go throught the motions of civility and courtesy. They only thing you can go by is behaviour. I am still too much of a softy to really get this. And it is to my detriment.

If you feel these things, trust your instincts.

It seems that abusers call their spouses mentally ill and this is a sign to vamoose. They say you are mentlally ill when you catch on to their devious crapola.

The damage done after that is really aweful. The devaluing. And who needs that. The trauma channels in my brain will take years to heal.  If only I had of just walked away.

A year later I am on my own and getting better every day.  Good luck to you.  Keep posting and get it out there. People here can help.

Sea storm

[lighter]

Well, isn't that rich?

She cheats on you,

gaslights you (to within doubting your reality......)


then accuses you of mental cruelty.

Welcome to the party..... lets go over the rules again.

You're playing by the rules, she gets to cheat, lie and break the law.

That means you're position is one of stability and consistency.

Her's will be one of inconsistency and being caught in lies.

In the end, the court doesn't care much about either of you and you'll both be punished for taking up the court's time with a divorce and property dispute.

They don't like it.

Your attorneys and the Judge will try to force you into settling, which will be the best for everyone if you can get to that point.

Please stop any and all contact with your wife.  Please stop giving her any ammo.... you realize already that she'll be escalating the game and she has no qualms about lying.  

Distance.  Consistenency.  Stability.  Document.  Don't worry about convincing anyone, just try to get out quick and take your lumps.  Don't cut her any slack.  Do you have the grand it would take to depose Mr. Cheater?  Bring to bear all legal remedies and pressures you can so she'll feel more inclined to settle and get out too.

Good luck.