Welcome aboard Train! I've been riding these rails for a few weeks now and almost feel like an old-timer. A number of people have recommended some good books on this whole subject - Amazon.com has lots of good offerings on Narcissism. I must confess I haven't ordered them yet because I keep learning so much from the posts. So anything I have to say is gut instinct, not particularly educated at this point.
I think when Who you are, Who you REALLY are, is not seen, not recognized, not validated for whatever reason -in your case, your mother's need to bask in the reflected glory of her fantasy child... then the impact on the child/person is probably one of voicelessness as the Board suggests. Finding your true voice is the issue. Your inability to make decisions based on what you want, establish healthy boundaries with others, worrying excessively about what other people want (the template for that being created with your mother) -all this is so familiar and I relate 100% to it all. (and there is no doubt that my mother was a SuperN if there is such a condition)
Is your mother an N?I would say probably but I don't have the credentials yet! Do I think you could learn a lot from reading the posts, Dr. Grossman's personal story and essays- absolutely.
I know Bunny will be along shortly to help you out but to borrow something from her I believe she told me (approx)
[Decide on some boundaries and start reinforcing them] - you have every right to do this. I did and man it has made a tremendous difference to me
I understand this need to please, rarely asserting what it is you want. Part of the challenge is learning what it is you ACTUALLY want. Pay attention to yourself, your body, your feelings. They are yours alone, unique and should be expressed in the world. All voices should be heard. Why be anything other than who you are. We are here to develop and expand this gift of life. I say to myself, well, I'm alive, I'm a life form so I guess I should respect myself at least as much as I respect anyone else. And there is no one else around but me to express who I really am so that's my job too!
Well that's a start. Good luck Train 13. I think I can I think I can......!
Les (formerly known as Less)