mental cruelty techniques taught

[Whistler]

One day when I came home, I heard my wife on the pohone talking to someone- she was saying "He's getting suspicious- what should I do?" Then she started whispering something- then got off the phone. When I came into the room , she immediately started accusing me of doing something wrong earlier.  It's like someone was guiding her on how to be mentally manipulative- it was like she ws following a technique.

Does anyone know anything about this?  I looked up on the internet about psychological warfare techniques and found some info. Any thoughts? Thanks

[changing]

Hi Whistler-

You might start a divorce journal. Write down what occurs in relation to the progress of your divorce daily, as well as any relevant thoughts or memories that you might follow up on with your lawyer. You may never figure everything in the past out though, and taking care of yourself and not being subjected to abuse is the most important thing. You are not living together and the divorce papers have been filed, so you can begin the process of building a happy new life free from abuse.
If you are going to counseling or a therapist, they may have some specific ideas as well as to what may have been going on, as well as its usefulness in approaching your present day challenges. If not, you might consider individual or group counseling , where skilled and experienced people may have knowledge about this issue. If your wife was cheating, she may well have thrown the accusations back onto you . The important thing now is to take care of yourself and involve yourself in the present and plant seeds of prosperity and fufilment for the future

Best,

Changing

[Lupita]

Please, read the book Nasty People by Carter. It explains a lot of that. According to him the victim is enabling the invalidator/manipulator in many cases.

[Ami]

Dear Whistler,
  I am so sorry. I think that you have entered a  new 'world" of pain and manipulation. I am so sorry. I can hear your shock and disbelief.
 You sound like you have lived your life in relative peace and civility up to this point. Now, you seemed to have stepped in to a nightmare for which you were unprepared.
  You sound like an honest and above board type of person. I guess that you are learning much more about deceit than you ever cared to know. I am sorry, Whistler. Keep reaching out,as you are. You are not alone. It is a small ,but hopefully some  comfort to you.                 Love    Ami

((((((((Whistler)))))))))))))

[Lupita]

The book is very interesting and talks about invalidator and invalidated. Also, about the many reasons why manipulators are what they are. Beg Ego and low self esteem.
It also says, if your spouse's way of living is manipulation, you might have no option but separate. Interesting book.

[lighter]

A good offense is a good defense.

If she makes you feel guilty while she's pulling your wings off..... then she's not listening to you accuse her, is se?

[Lupita]

Sorry, I meant Big ego, not beg ego.
So, it is Big Ego and Low Self Esteem.

These kind of people need to put down others in order to inflate them selves. Like Lighter says, your ouch, it hurts, does not count, they are deaf.

An example:

-Do you want cream in your coffee?
-No thanks. I do not like cream.
-Here you are, lots of cream, just like you (I) like.

Sorry if my English is not very good. I am trying hard.

I really hope you read this book. It will  help you understand the reasoning behind manipulation.

[Leah]

Dear Lupita,

I am so glad to * see * that you got a copy of the book "Nasty People"

For it truly does makes so much sense of all the tricks that the Nasty People use against us.

Life saver book.

Love, Leah

[Lupita]

Lea, thank you. I have to confess. I did not buy it. I am broke. I went to Borders and read it there in one hour and a half, only one hundred pages. Many people go there to read and I enjoy going out of my house with out money. Plus, many times, when I was in a better situation I have bought many books there. So, I feel guilty but not so guilty. I bought the cognitive therapy by Burns, work book and book. A total of $37.00. !!!!!!!!!!! So, I think I am a good client. Or so I think.

[Leah]

Dear Lupita,

Oh, I did think that you may have got a copy to read from the Library.

So very glad you have that valuable facility ...  there is nothing like that here ...... and please don't feel guilty at all .... it was meant to be, for you, at this time.  After all, you are an existing customer.

Love, Leah

[Ami]

Dear Lupita,
 IF my Spanish could EVER get as good as your English,I would be thrilled. Sorry for the hijack. This is too important a topic to derail. Just wanted to tell Lupita that she is doing very,very  well in another language.                            Ami

[Lupita]

Dear Whistler:

I am very sorry for your pain and your visicitudes. But I have a quastion. Do you ever read your responses?
Poeple put time and energy responding to you. You have never ever respond to so many nice people who write to you.
Here are several nice advises.

Please, read them. It mgiht help.

You are in my prayers.

God bless you.

[Izzy_*now*]

Good Question, Lupita

so many never answer or thank anyone, nor do they post on other threads to help and support others.

no wonder we are taking about liars and trolls.

Izzy

[Lupita]

LOL Izzy.

Love to you.

[changing]

Whistler-

If you have moved out and your wife and child remain in the home, there are often certain guidelines set up by the court, especially for the good of the minor child. If there has been physical violence there are also often more strictures on your activities in relation to visiting the premises, etc. You can often get information about your respective legal requirements from the local court as well as your attorney, on such topics as Domestic Violence Orders, Temporary Support Hearings, and property division rules. The more that you understand, the better it may be. It is imporatant that you get your legal advice from legitimate sources.
Here we can give you support and offer our own experience , but things vary so widely regionally and as to the specific facts as well. Hope you are taking care of yourself and that things are settled with a minimum of strife, for your sake.

Best Wishes,

Changing