Accepting friends how they are is not voiceless.

[Lupita]

Acceptance is not voiceless. I accept the fact that some friends jump in to help me and give me support when I am desperately asking for advice. And I also accept that some friends who help so much in advice, do not find my “intellectual discussions” very interesting and do not engage in that. That does not mean they are undermining me.
I have a friend who enjoys going to the movies with me and another friend who goes dancing and another to the gym. If one does not want to do the three things with me does not mean that I am voiceless.
When I am desperate and  just waiting for a response from some friends who are so good to give comfort, I am grateful for that. The same way I am grateful for those friends who discuss with me my philosophical points. So, I will not ask anymore to a movie friend to come dancing or vice verse.
Hope that somebody relates to this.

[Leah]

Dear Lupita,

I very much relate to what you are saying, and in hindsight, I ought to have added Acceptance to my previous post on your other wonderful thread.

Tolerance, Diversity, Respect = Acceptance.  (or something like that)    As we are all individual people, yet, equal   

Acceptance births Inclusion, with is life enhancing.

Your thread is both inspiring and interesting, it resonates healthy maturity, thank you.

Love, Leah

[lighter]

I see your point, I think.....  we're better off adjusting our expectations so we're not dissapointed or blaming someone else for our feelings?

We can't be all things to all people just like our friends and loved one's can't fill our every need.

When we take things personally..... we might be losing out on a relationship that may still have something to share or teach?

Yes?

I think becoming voiceless is about being demeaned and punished for not accepting and validating a false reality (that costs too much to challenge, for whatever reason.)  

 

[Lupita]

Thank you Lea. Validation is invaluable.

I have many good friends here who give me wonderful advice and I desperately look for their responses when I feel desperate.
But I sadly noticed that they do not engage in my general topics. They only engage if I talk about my personal life. I need to be grateful for those good people who give so wonderful advice and accept that they do not wish to discuss other things with me. They are good. So, I do not want to feel hurt when I see them posting around and not interested in my topics. They are not being mean or anything. They are good at advising desperate people. I have to be grateful for that.
If I try to change people I am obligating them to drink coffee with cream. I don't want that.
Just to be happy for what we have, not cry fro what we do not have.
I am trying.
Did not go to work today. Just planning day. I already turned in grades. So, class tomorrow. Enjoying posting all day like many people do.
The problem is when we post a lot, more expossure, more risk for problems.
Good that I will go to work tomorrow, no time to breath. No time to post either. So, if somebody attackes me I will not even know.
LOL.

[Ami]

Good that I will go to work tomorrow, no time to breath. No time to post either. So, if somebody attackes me I will not even know.
LOL.
[/quote]


 That's the attitude,kid(lol)  !                              Ami

[Lupita]

Lighter, thank you so much.
What is the definition fo taking something personal?
Like if somebody is rude, it is not a problem with us. Cutting pass in front of a car on the high way. I understand that. Or an employee who is mean to one client and smiles to another.
But here, among friends. What is to take personal?
Why no just accept the person and ignore the error which is not accepting the belief.
Like correcting someone who does not want to be corrected.
Lighter, thank you for jumping in here. I really appreciate it.

[Leah]

Dear Lupita,

Acceptance in healthy situations is somewhat different to unhealthy situations.

Also, of course, it goes without saying, that one would have ones own healthy boundaries in place, along with, ones voice, so that

should an occasion of 'abusiveness' of any form, unfortunately arise, then one would be deal with that situation with respectful tact

and consideration etc.  Hopefully, with resolutution, which is possible.

For example:  Since I have worked through to where I am now, I have lost some 'friends' ....... who did not like the new Leah.

BUT, I have gained more friends who are healthy mature people, who have a voice, respect and consideration, and boundaries

just the same as mine!!!   Honestly, life just lately has amazed me  

My new friends have different hobbies and outlooks on life, and that is so enriching for my life; as I accept them, as they accept me.

Sometimes, I have to pinch myself (not literally)

Love, Leah


PS >  And in exactly the same way, healthy boundaries need apply here too, with acceptance, tolerance and respect.  Wonderful life

[Lupita]

Mayeutica. It is to bring somebody to a conclusion through discussion. At the smea time of being open if by serendipity you both end up somewhere else, or the conclusion  is the opposite of what you wanted to prove in the discussion.


I am in the process of making new friends. One of my purposes of new year. Reach out for friends. Yeah right, after coming back home from sixth period class. No energy.

[CB123]

The same way I am grateful for those friends who discuss with me my philosophical points. So, I will not ask anymore to a movie friend to come dancing or vice verse.


Brava, Lupita! 

I have found that this is the only way to really enjoy all the different kinds of people I am friends with.  (It's also a really good skill to have when dating--don't ask a guy to do girlfriend things!  )

Love
CB

[Leah]

The same way I am grateful for those friends who discuss with me my philosophical points. So, I will not ask anymore to a movie friend to come dancing or vice verse.


Brava, Lupita! 

I have found that this is the only way to really enjoy all the different kinds of people I am friends with.  (It's also a really good skill to have when dating--don't ask a guy to do girlfriend things!  )

Love
CB

Thanks, CB,

I will bear that in mind, when and if, I have a date, at some point in the future   

Love, Leah

[lighter]

Lighter, thank you so much.
What is the definition fo taking something personal?

Assuming someone is doing something just to bother of us or bc of us..... is making it personal, as it relates to us.

You've already cleared up that expecting a dancing friend to enjoy movies with you isn't realistic or about you.  It's about enjoying something mutually enjoyable together.  Not just forcing someone to pretend to enjoy it bc we're going to get upset if they don't do what we would enjoy.

Anyway, I really liked your post about bringing someone to an outcome through discussion, perhaps coming to a different outcome than we first set out to make.

I used to have a German buddy named Heiner..... he'd argue a point till 2am then flip around and argue the point you just conceeded till 5am, lol. 

He adored meandering down different lanes of discussion, just for the pleasure of the debate, turning facts over and observing them through other people's eyes, seeing how his words d influenced the world.  I enjoyed his company very much and we never name called, raised our voices or got went over the smarty pants line while doing it, lol. 

[axa]

Lupita,

I loved your first post on the thread............so smart IMO.

xxxxxxxx

Axa

[Lupita]

Thank you Axa. I was speaking metaphorically, about not feeling bad for friends that help you when you are sad but not discuss other stuff with you. So, I appreciate the advises from friends who like to do that and the discussion from friends who like that instead of wishing to all do all.
Hope that I make sense.
Just very tired.