useful or useless?

[Certain Hope]

Thanks, tt... I did know what you meant... (((((((tt))))))

Carolyn

[Hopalong]

Hi TT--
I appreciate your saying things that remind me of a sense of purpose, the bigger picture here.
(However it's defined, I know it's a good one.)

love,
Hops

[Certain Hope]

Dear Hops,

I recognize that I am not at a place in my own growth/healing to give first priority to the bigger picture/ sense of purpose of this message board. Thank you for helping me to see that... and thanks to tt, as well.

I feel and acknowledge that deep sense of purpose within my own home and family, but not here. My thought is that this is too diverse a group to accept a few individuals' definition of what that purpose is or should be.

I wonder whether I ever will... or even should strive for that... and I'm not sure.

Love,
Carolyn

[Hopalong]

Hi ((((((((((Carolyn))))))))))))

I didn't mean that I think a certain general subject needs to be agreed upon.

What I was thinking was that TT's posts to me represented an effort to get a bigger picture, maybe serve as a way of "regathering" toward a loving purpose.

It was the sense of purpose I gained after reading TT's posts, not a specific one.

I'm happy with almost any subject matter. It's tone and voice that affect me most.

I learn a lot just hearing a diversity of voices, stories, and ways of thinking...

(As I've learned so much from you.)

love to you,
Hops

[Certain Hope]

((((((((((Hops)))))))))) thank you. Guess I should have just asked, "What in the heck are you saying?"   

Clearly I am not quite beyond whatever it is about this whole deal that's bugging me, but I really appreciate your receptivity to me, despite my contrariness.... lol.
oy, I hope it's over soon.

Love,
Carolyn

[gratitude28]

I don't believe the board can exist entirely without conflict, and an occasional bit of conflict is no doubt necessary in order to test our strength at dealing with life issues. I know that my ability to react to situations here has helped my ability to react to 3D conflict. However, the prolonged conflict seems to be people screaming for attention. I have chosen not to add to those posts that are inflammatory, even when, I have to admit, they have triggered irritation, and even anger, in me.
I prefer to come and focus on the threads that ask questions which help one or many here. There are many. If you have been here a while and don't see a new topic on the first page, dig further back. I am sure worthy topics have gotten buried.
I also think there is nothing "politically correct" in responding kindly to people's stories. Part of the reason we come here is to have others commiserate with us. I do not have people who would understand my situation in my 3D life. And, as the focus of this board is Narcissim, I come here to talk about that. I trust that my story will ring a bell with someone else and possibly give them an idea how to deal with their N.
Thank you to all of you who come here and allow me to tell my story and be part of a group who understands.
Love, Beth

[Hopalong]

Wise perspective, Miz Beth.

love,
Hops

[Ami]

I may be wrong,but I think that the board is the same as any real life group. If you read Social Psycholgy, any real life group (that consists of people-lol) is NOT "pretty",all  of the time.
  I am just learning(re-learning) the lesson of personal power. You need it.It is essential.People may say,"We need to act above board" and we DO need to try to act with integrity, to the best of our ability. However, when there is a group of people, with many different egos,pains, needs, and hurts, things just don't stay "nice"all of the time. I think that it is 'fairy land " thinking to expect it.
   I am trying to face the truth about myself and life. I think that a group of people staying "nice'all the time is NOT accepting reality(IMO)         Ami

[Ami]

For the people who think the board is going 'bad", why don't they start new and useful topics? I want to note that some people are doing this.        Ami

[lighter]

CB wrote: "Both of us would have defined voiceless as not being able to talk the other person into meeting our needs.  When the real solution should have been to talk long enough to know that the other person didnt want to meet our needs, and then parting in a civil way to find someone who did."

Of all the things you said.... and you said a lot in that last post.... I really identify with that statement.

I can accept a lot of things.... good bad and indifferent.... but I want them to  be genuine and I'll respect whomever and whatever for their honesty.   Remaining civil and doing whatever needs to be done, with as little emotional bloodshed as possible.... is something my heart yearns for.  

What's so hard to take is trying to make sense, myself, in the midst other people's negative realities I can't escape.  

I no longer care to even think about why they have them.... it's just so hard to be able to talk in a straight line when I feel I must veer off, constantly, in order to accomodate someone elses very skewed (imo) reality that's beeing forced on others, esp me.

ACK!

Aheam.... Everything you said about trying to discuss things on the board and not have to meander back to the N lable makes sense too.

I also know the self protective feeling of sheilding something new and wonderful from outside static and dysfunction.  

You only have so much energy..... spending it growing something healthier.... seems like a wonderful option, to me.

[Leah]

I hesitate to put my concerns out for help because I sense that every situation will be evaluated and examined for evidence of narcissism.  I'm too new in my healing to handle all my own issues and other people's too.  So, my relationship and the things I struggle with are kept close to my heart.


1.  I pulled my childhood life story thread OFF the main board ~~ I was grateful to JanetLG for her time and support to each tentative posting therein.

2.  I regretted posting my childhood life story ~~ as it was used against me, then, at that time, in a most horrendous way.

3.  I will never again post my childhood life story.

4.  Because I choose not, to in order to remain in my new shoes.

That is the truth, crystal clear.

Thank you, CB, for your valued and very much appreciated, lengthy post, as always, I have gleaned and gained so much.

Love, Leah


in a million years: in this relationship, disagreements have always ended with MORE connection, not less.  We feel CLOSER, not more estranged.  We both feel HEARD, even if we both retain our viewpoint.

That to me is 'normal' healthy adult reciprocal living, of which I enjoy in real life, in various social settings and none.

Leah

[CB123]

I regretted posting my childhood life story ~~ as it was used against me, then, at that time, in a most horrendous way.

I'm sorry, Leah.  I've had stuff I posted used against me, too, and it's a pretty hard experience.

I am just learning to hold those things that are truly precious to me closer to my heart.  Which is probably where they belong anyway...

Love
CB

[Leah]

I regretted posting my childhood life story ~~ as it was used against me, then, at that time, in a most horrendous way.

I'm sorry, Leah.  I've had stuff I posted used against me, too, and it's a pretty hard experience.

I am just learning to hold those things that are truly precious to me closer to my heart.  Which is probably where they belong anyway...

Love
CB

Me too ((( CB )))

Love and good wishes,

Leah

[gratitude28]

As you all know, I had my alcoholism thrown in my face. The truth is, I don't feel bad one bit about it. I saw a problem in myself and I fixed it. I also am not rserved about posting about my life, because I did not cause myself that pain. Anyone who is insensitive enough to use your pain against you is obviously suffering from many problems still. Of course, if it makes you feel safer to keep personal items from the public, you should do so.
Thank you all for accepting me as I am.
Love, Beth

[Leah]

Thing to remember is that we are all each of us, different, individual people.

Do you remember my childhood life story and what was done to me as a child, Beth ?

Love, Leah