Dear Bella,
What you said rings very true to me. Thank you.
I am really hurting ,today. I had accepted having stomach aches, all the time, as normal. Now, I am trying to face the cause ,so I don't have to be plagued by them.
I think that I got to the root cause. It is shame: fear of ridicule and humiliation.
The shame is really deep . I feel like I will have to dig it out, the way that I did with facing my M. It took a year and a half of deep digging,as you know, in order to face that my M was an N.
I guess that emotional healing is a process and occurs slowly, as you can deal with facing the roots.
Yesterday,I realized a huge piece of the puzzle, thanks to my friend(smarter than "all get out").
Today,I am hurting ,again.This shame is s/thing that is INSIDE me. I may try to get the outside to be ok, so I don't have to face my internal shame, but it is only a stop-gap measure.
My buttons are on the inside, so no matter how much I GET the outside to affirm me, it won't work to heal the shame.
I saw this ,today. It is a big step .
Now,I see why addictions don't work. You are trying to treat the inside with the "outside"
No addiction will work,but the lie of it is that they do work ,temporarily, so you THINK that they really did.
I guess that I am embarking on a new journey,on the board--the journey to heal shame.
When I talked to my Aunt,yesterday,I asked her if she liked herself. She said that she was at peace with herself. I wish I could get there. However, my Aunt never found God the way that I did,so I would not really change places with her.
I just want to be at peace,too . Ami
