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Some thoughts and an update

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Learning:
Hi Portia,

It is just now sinking in.  Self indulgence is the opposite of self denial.  Looking it up in Oxford American...  Indulge is to allow one to have what she wishes...to deny is to say a thing is not true or doesn't exist...

ok I keep getting interrupted...I've sort of lost my train of thought...let's see...allow versus does not exist...close enough for me.  That is an awesome perspective Portia.  Your right ,denying oneself is a bad thing.  I just hope you all don't get sick of me indulging.  :)

Thanks for the hug in the ramble thread.  Here is one for you (((((((Portia)))))).

Learning

bunny:

--- Quote from: Learning ---I'm working on grasping the difference between putting on a mask and being shallow.  I talked it over with H and he said that I am really a deep pool but that I only let people swim in the shallow end.   I feel that is right but there is this strong urge to deny it cuz I don't feel I have the right to hold such a high opinion of myself.
--- End quote ---


Your husband is a pretty smart fellow!  :D  You know, being a deep pool doesn't mean you're superior, and if you agree with that, you have an obnoxiously high opinion of yourself. It's just an observation. Your H probably meant it as a compliment, but it's still merely an observation of reality. And if you choose to diminish this observation, it just annoys people who don't like their observations of reality messed with.  :D

Don't worry about the meds, I just thought they'd help. It doesn't say anything about you as a person. Just tells me you'd prefer not to take meds. No biggie.

more hugs,
bunny

Learning:
Hi Bunny,

I agree with you as usual.  I am now thinking "deeper" about why I feel wierd about thinking that I am deep.  Lots here about that I guess.  I mean really I think everyone is deep, although some folks seem to keep themselves out of their own deepness.  I don't think it is superior to be deep...but maybe it is just that I feel it adds to me being "different" from other people...which is a feeling I have had my whole life.  My rational side says that I am not that different from others...but the core of me says that I am.  My sisters and mother have often reminded me that I am different and I think part of it has to do with how I look at things.  And I know I should take what they say with a grain (or maybe a truckload  :D ) of salt, but still it is part of my upbringing.  Even here at the board, I feel like I have so much in common with people, yet I still feel so out of place.  Aargghhh!  I am getting lost in my own thinking about this.  I need a break. :?  :)

Lots of love,
Learning

Learning:
Hi Bunny,

I'm back.  Looking over everything I have said on this topic, it doesn't  make sense to me.  All my thoughts.  I wrote everything down and tried to connect the dots (that's the engineer in me, I guess) and it just doesn't seem to add up.  I find that so frustrating, when I don't make sense to myself.  Definetly something here, just don't know what.  

By the way, thanks for the reassurance about the meds topic.   :)

Big hugs,
Learning

P.S.  I think H is pretty smart too (for many reasons)!  I respect his opinion very much.

Anonymous:
What did your  mother and sister tell you? My mom and older sister told me I was 'different' implying that I was strange, eccentric, impractical, and illogical. And I believed them for a long time. Then I realized that it's simply not the case. I'm not those things. I still feel 'different' but not by their definition. It's by my own definition.


bunny

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