dream of n

[seasons]

I had a dream last night about my middle sisN. I went to her and brought printed information about Narcissism from this board. She acted like a victim before I even shared the information with her.

I woke up sad. She is in my mind, get her out!

I think I am feeling a bit weird because this Christmas we didn't see eachother. Other sister and I made plans with her several times but because of my dog is sick and dying (lasting longer than I thought) I put her off.

I did drop of a gift basket, well DH did before work. I never heard from her, no call, no card, no email. VERY unlike her.

Right now she is in Cinderella Land because she has a new boyfriend and is sharing all the glamour and love and attention she is getting with everyone she comes in contact with. No surprise.

What do you think?
Should I not wonder or care?
Is this a statement from her?

Also in the next few weeks a sibling dinner will be planned, annual to celebrate our mothers birthday (she has passed). I have not gone to many, should I go to this one?
It will be all about her not our mother.
I feel like the rest of my siblings are in a clique with her, and fall all over her. Bleh!!!

This may also be a reason why she is on my mind...............
I'm going to add another to my list. I did receive an email from my cousin. My cousins have a female get together every three of four months. I have also not attended any in over a year. The last two I have been sent pictures of the event. First one I saw my sister and emailed her on her weight loss this summer, she replied back then it was the end. I thought I was being polite.
A few weeks ago I get more pictures from my cousin. First one I see is my sister at the door all alone. Second picture she is now facing the door having her picture taken of her rear end view. She has lost a lot of weight but what I saw was everyone look a ME> and they do.
Then her holding a blouse, next her putting it on over a jersey posing with hands on hips. BLEH!!!!!!!!!!
It was a blouse she wore or was wearing for her new boyfriend. Look at me I am so beautiful is all I saw.
Then my other sister said middle sis was scared they (cousins) were mad at her for talking about herself the whole day. I can't even imagine what she put them through.
Even though they would never admit it, or see it. I saw the same old same old behaviour, a trigger. I did not send her another email congratulating her on her weight loss. She asked my other sister if I saw the pictures of her. HER HER HER........boring..........



 Thank you for listening to me babble. seasons

[Leah]

I woke up sad. She is in my mind, get her out!

Dear Seasons,

It's okay to feel sad, and the reason is, maybe, you feel hurt and dismissed, and bewildered, puzzled, of your Nsis not having acknowledged or thanked you, for the gift you thoughtfully sent to her.  I would be feeling and thinking the same, as I have done in the past, re: my NS.

The very real feeling of being 'Dismissed' and 'Outside in the Cold' looking in, truly, I can so very much identity with, having had to deal with that.

Love, Leah

[seasons]

 I would be feeling and thinking the same, as I have done in the past, re: my NS.

The very real feeling of being 'Dismissed' and 'Outside in the Cold' looking in, truly, I can so very much identity with, having had to deal with that.

Love, Leah

Thank you Leah. Your words ring so true. I have a hard time finding them, thank you for expressing them so well.

A bit more to work on this year. Deciding to have barely no contact will leave me out of the circle. I need to except that and all that goes with it.

With gratitude, seasons

[Leah]

Dear Seasons,

Thank you for your encouraging validation, very much appreciated.

Truly, I had to painstakingly work through the very real aspect of No Contact and/or Limited Contact

and the 'Outside in the Cold looking in'

that comes with " Separation and Loss " ...  it's so very real.   but, in the longterm, it has been the best thing for my life.

All the very best to you.

Love, Leah

[axa]

seasons

I think kids in Nfamailies are always trying to "get in " if you know what I mean.  We are so fragile that a slight pierces directly to our hearts.  About your sister.  I think you could sit with it for a while.........how about thinking about what YOU want and what is realistically possible......would going to a dinner make YOU feel better or worse........can you think about YOU.

xxxxx

Axa

[Gabben]

What do you think?
Should I not wonder or care?
Is this a statement from her?

Hi Seasons,

Thank you for sharing your dream. Dreams are so powerful and can be so revealing. I have a question for you. Is your middle sister younger or older than you?

I do not know what to think of the dream yet.

You are wondering and caring and there is nothing wrong with that - you want to be loved and accepted by family, even if they are N's.

If she is in lala land with boyfriend then she could be too self-centered to being thinking about acknowledging you and expressing thanks for  your gift.

Dear Seasons -- hugs and love to you as you navigate your way here. I'm sorry that I am not too much help.

Lise

[seasons]

I think kids in Nfamailies are always trying to "get in " if you know what I mean.  We are so fragile that a slight pierces directly to our hearts.  About your sister.  I think you could sit with it for a while.........how about thinking about what YOU want and what is realistically possible......would going to a dinner make YOU feel better or worse........can you think about YOU.

xxxxx

Axa

Thank you Axa. I thought I was past trying to get in. I also so agree we are so fragile, thank you for showing me that which I know is true.
Because I probably wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes I think by her not acknowledging my gift ( It's just not like her) I'm thinking she is MAD at me.
Made me feel vulnerable, I think.
I may just leave going to dinner out there and if that day I feel like joining them I will. Letting it go may help.
much thanks to you (Axa) seasons

[seasons]

Hi Seasons,

Thank you for sharing your dream. Dreams are so powerful and can be so revealing. I have a question for you. Is your middle sister younger or older than you?

I do not know what to think of the dream yet.

You are wondering and caring and there is nothing wrong with that - you want to be loved and accepted by family, even if they are N's.

If she is in lala land with boyfriend then she could be too self-centered to being thinking about acknowledging you and expressing thanks for  your gift.

Dear Seasons -- hugs and love to you as you navigate your way here. I'm sorry that I am not too much help.

Lise

Hi Lise,

          Thanks for reading. My dream, well I think in real life to me she is very large, strong, confident, popular, saintly (people falling for all of her) sharp with her tongue. Yet in my dream when I wanted to confront her with N information she crumbled, I saw a face that was broken down, how could you put me through this etc. Opposite of real life, even though she has played the sympathy card more as she has gotten older. I would say she is better at convincing you she is right, loving most giving and so on. She's good.

Also getting those emails of pictures of her, knowing she is eating all the attention up as NO ONE SEES her for what she is. I think rattled my cage. Have to let go of that!

She is 15 years older than me.

Lise you were very helpful especially since most of this is babbling. Your very kind to try and read between the lines. You have a good point about her being in la la land, thank you!

I did not dream of her last night...............feeling much better.   seasons