Invalidation

[Leah]

Invalidation

Most of us wonder why the populations in the world who seem to have the greatest mobility and most material possessions are suffering from the yoke of despair and depression. One of the biggest causes is invalidation. As human beings we need to be both independent and interdependent. We need to feel a sense of love and of contribution. If either are missing we are sad, we are defeated, we are joyless.

Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, control or diminish someone's feelings. Constant invalidation may be one of the most significant reasons a person with high innate emotional intelligence suffers from unmet emotional needs later in life. A sensitive child who is repeatedly invalidated becomes confused and begins to distrust his own emotions. He fails to develop confidence in and healthy use of his emotions. The working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted. The emotional processes which worked as a defense for him when a child will probably work against him as an adult.

Invalidation kills confidence, creativity, individuality... and if we do not find a way to re-empower our individual and collective lives and to connect with our humanity it will slowly erode all that we have built into a tower of sand.

The solution that we seek in our lives, in our work and in our world does not lie outside us but within us. We each have the power to move past invalidation by igniting the power of our heart, to touch our mind and infuse our life, and the lives of others, with validation and joy.


Love, Peace & Joy  (((( Everyone ))))

Leah

[sunblue]

Gosh, so much truth to your post!  Invalidation is exactly it.  I know I have felt greatly invaildated and always seem to strive to get validated by those who simply won't do it---Nmom, co-D dad and others.

My question is what kinds of things can you do to get past it?  It so affects your life...every aspect of it.  How do you find that confidence, creativity, individuality that has been snuffed out from the time you were a child?

[Ami]

So many people have "seen" me and "touched "me since last week, when Scott died. I feel  validated. In turn, I need to develop my ability to validate other(love others).
 I see that love is the "currency" that flows  between human beings.
  I made a decision to allow love in and I took in  the warmth  that others gave me.
  In turn, I need to develop the capacity to love others, more fully.
   Thanks for the thread, Leah.    Love   Ami

[Lupita]

Lea, sometimes I get confused. Because I agree with your post but still I am confused.

For example, the Maslow piramid says thet you first satisfy you physiological needs. For example if you need to go to the bathroom and you cannot you will not be able to enjoy the most beautiful concert. Then your other needs, food, roof, etc. Then your socual needs and on the top is the validation thing, I called it the thing.

That means that we are not hungry, we are not cold, we have computers, we do not have war, we have a job, we have a car, we have legs, eyes, taste, ears, hear music, we can talk, write to each other, but that is not enough. Oh no, we need the stupid validation.

Who said that we need validation?

We did.

Well, we dont.

WEll, I dont know.

In the cave age, they were happy if they got a mamuth to eat. A cave to live and they held their wives by the hair. Did they have depression?

IN countries where they are hungry they have less depression because they have to survive and cant think in validation "thing".

The thing.    THE THING   

I dont know what I want to say. IN my country I never had AC. Now after ten years in USA I would dye with out AC.

I dont know what I want to say. If you can translate it for me, it is OK.

[Hopalong]

The good rhythm of living as a human animal, with a well-defined purpose, in a well-anchored community...
don't leave time for navel-gazing.

Then again, it's navel-gazing that produces art, music, literature. That deep listening, deep expressing.

When the two strands cross it becomes navel-gazing about living as a human animal, and no beauty gets created.

(My philosophy for this Friday night.)

xo
Hops

[Lupita]

Again, you cannot create art if you are hungry. So, once you are feed you start creating art and then you start needing the 'THING'
and getting deprssed.

The worst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   The most beautiful pieces of art have been created in the deepest depresssion states.

The Requiem by Mozart

Chopin and his "Marcha Funebre" I do not know how to say Marcah Funebre in English, Hermes might know.

HOw about Van Goh who even cut his own ear?

And I can mention one thousand.

Then who creates? The one who needs validation. And keep creating to get validation, as long as he odes not get it he keeps creating.

Those who are validated become lazy because they do not need to do anything, they have what they need.

I mean metaphorically, So, dont hang me.

[Hermes]

Yes, Lupita. You are right.

Hermes

[Lupita]

Nobody gets validation. Nobody.

Mozart was never ricognized during his life.

Beethoven was never recognized during his life.

Bach was known two hundred years after his death.

Chopin died with out getting his dream to go to Italy. Also, never recieved what he deserved.

Martir L K was killed.

My studens get a lot of validation from their parents. Some of them are spolied bratt.

If our parents give us validation we would be lazy. My sister is very lazy.

Life is difficult then you die.

[Lupita]

Loll do you think that cave women needed validation? Mamuth hunters?
Have you had this situation in where you really want to go to the bathroom and ofr X or Y you cant, and when you finally get to the bathroom, you feel an enormous satisfaction?

Do you feel that enormous satisfaction if you have accessible bathroom at any time?

[Certain Hope]

umm...  I'm not convinced that relief is the same as satisfaction.

In the bathroom-needs example, there'd be considerable relief, indeed, but also potential damage due to hyper extension of the bladder? Seems to me that the genuine satisfaction would be achieved by preventing the urgent need for relief.

 

[Lupita]

How do you know if you did not have the need?

How do you know how well you are until you are sick?

How do you know what is a head ache until you feel it?

[Hermes]

Lollie and Lupita:

You are both right.  People raised by toxic parents in a dysfunctional environment are, understandbly low in self-confidence, low in everything, because they have been made to feel worthless.  A child does not understand why he or she is being made to feel that way, and it is a terrible abuse.

Lupita:  I know what you mean about what is called too much self-esteem, where kids are spoilt, indulged, which in a way is also an abuse.  Good parenting has to try to find the happy medium, discipline with justice, firm kindness, and good example.

Hermes

[Lupita]

Well, I tell my students, how do you know that we are so privileged to be able to live in a developed country when you have never lived in an underdeveloped country?
Where people have to go to a well to get a buket of water? Where many people have intestinal parasites? Where the only air condition you know is the one when you go to the bank, nd you wish the teller does not take care of you in a long time just to stay inside the bank?

So, how do you know that what you have is good until you compare it?

How do you know that you are tall if nobody is short around you?

I am a short person here, but where I come from, people are much shorter. I was considered tall. So??????

If you talk to a woman of three hundred years ago, validation did not exist. So???? I am still confused.

I dont even know what I am talking about.

[Hermes]

LOL Lupita.  You are OK!

Problem is that in our developed world people do not know how well off they are....

Hermes

[Lupita]

Daer moderator, you are killing my curiosity, and you know, they say the curiosity killed the cat!!!!!!!!!!

At least give another clue.