Author Topic: the comfort of a teddy bear  (Read 5097 times)

Lupita

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the comfort of a teddy bear
« on: January 27, 2008, 11:10:36 PM »
When little monkeys lose their mothers, scientists have prove that they can be given s stuffed animal and this would accomplish the emotional representation of a mother. The little monkey develops attachment to the stuffed animal. Having the presence of that piece of material give security to the baby monkey. That means, it is a very primitive feeling, not rational of course.
When there are traffic accidents, many police officers and paramedics, carry teddy bears, to give to children involved in the accident and that make the children feel a little less scared. Of course, primitive feeling and totally an irrational feeling.
Some women have a man in their life, living with them, many times the man does not make money, does not help, does not give love, but he is there. Many times, immature, needy, jealous, but he is there. Many times, behaves like a son, even causing problems, or using drugs, damaging children, or a drunk, you name it. But he is there. He is there. Occupying a space. A space that otherwise would be empty, but that is only material space. Like a stuffed animal. These kind of woman, have irrational feelings, and very primitive feelings, and the presence of that piece of material, gives them a sense of security, like the teddy bear to the children or to a little monkey who lost his momma. A very primitive feeling.   

Sorry I did not know how to spell teddy bear.

Certain Hope

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2008, 11:20:13 PM »
Well, that actually does just about sum it up, Lupita...  except I don't know that the feelings are all that irrational.

I do believe they're primitive feelings, though... in that I believe human beings were created by God for relationship with others. I mean, when God made Adam, He said, "It is not good that man should be alone."

I guess creation is about as primitive as it gets.
So, I figure that by divine design, everybody needs some version of a teddy bear.

I also have a stuffed caterpillar on my bed.

Carolyn

P.S.  lol... yes, you spelled it right!  :D

Lupita

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2008, 11:35:14 PM »
CH, you did not get my point,,,,,,,,,gggggggggrrrrrrrrr, why people do not understand me??????????

I am not talking about a woman who finds a god man and live a wonderful love, not prefect but good, with help for each other.

I am talking of a woman who has an idiot for husband and she keeps it no matter what, at all costs, and that is irrational primnitive. Self destructive.

Remember proverbs 1 vers 7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning og knowledege but foolish dispice discipline and wisdom. Stupids do not fear the Lord.

Plus, also says that if a christian woman marries a non believer she is setting her self for failure. Not saying to not predicate to the infidel, but not to marry them.

And I am giving my opinion, if a woman is completely happy having a drunk in her house, well, have fun with it. I am talking about those who are suffering with it and they do not leave him, just having the statue in ther couch is good anough for them, to give them something. Liek an inflatable doll.

CH you are displaying inflexible thoughts, IMO, you can disregard if you want. Ignore it if you want. That is just IMO. And I am wrong many times.

« Last Edit: January 27, 2008, 11:57:26 PM by Lupita »

Lupita

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2008, 11:41:04 PM »
I am talking about women who are constantly complaining about their husband but they do not leave him.

Some wome even get killed. Many pay insurance and kill them, Lacy Peterson, another Peterson whose husband is police officer, I can mention thousnd of women who appeared n the news who were killed by their husbnds, there is something.

CH you are explained that your husband is good, so, you do not fit in this thing.

I am talking about women who are unhappy, but they have something, they feel better with having that piece of junk having beer on her couch. Irrational, primitive feeling.

Lupita

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2008, 11:48:11 PM »
I have an aunt who lost her house after thirty years of payment because her husband was a gambler and she never left him. A house that she paid. He did not. And she lost it.

I have an acquaintance of mine that sent three thousand dollars to Kenya to have a man buy a ticket to come to see her, he kept the money and never came.

How many women here on the board are suffering because of the irrational believe that they are not worth it with out a man in the house. And the man does not serve for nothing. Sometimes they even are impotent. How many women put up with cheating after cheating.

It is like the teddy bear. It is an irrational feeling, normal for children, not for adults.


Lupita

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2008, 11:54:36 PM »
Even animals reject mates that hurt them they even reject mates that hurt their babies. Lionesses deffent theri babies with her life even aginst the father of the babies.

Only humans fall more than twice in the sema trap.

Bella_French

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2008, 03:13:58 AM »
That was beautifully said, Lupita. Thank you for putting those thoughts into words.

I had so many teddy bears as a toddler, i remember tucking them all into my bed at night (both ends) and then sleeping on the floor because there was no more room!

I've had the kinds of boyfriends you mentioned, and it felt better than being alone. But having a man is more complex haviing a teddy bear. A man will appeal to a woman's nurturing instinct, and man had needs much deeper than what a stuffed toy needs. Men will prey on our womanly nature, but we also get something back, because women do feel sincere joy in loving. Men do not alway relate to this. Women can feel the joy of loving & providing nuture, and that is its own reward. Its not something to be ashamed about, IMHO, but it is so often deemed t be `unhealthy', mostly by males, lol.

X bella

Hermes

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #7 on: January 28, 2008, 07:28:44 AM »
Dear Lupita:

I understand what you are talking about.
"I am talking of a woman who has an idiot for husband and she keeps it no matter what, at all costs, and that is irrational primnitive. Self destructive."""

I agree with what you are saying. Many many abused women stay with the abuser.  It is a complex matter. 

What you are describing is "The Stockholm Syndrome" aka "loving the abuser".  (see the article on Dr. Joe Carver's site).  I think the article describes the syndrome perfectly. 

I have read about women who left the abusive/alcoholic/crazy husband, and the social services got the women housed, got them a benefit, even helped them to find some kind of work.  And guess what? On checking up,  the social workers found that the women HAD GONE BACK to the abusive mate, even though there was no financial or other need for them to do so.

One could write reams about this topic. 

All the best
Hermes


Certain Hope

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #8 on: January 28, 2008, 07:48:30 AM »
Good Morning, Lupita,

You're right! I did not recognize that you were speaking of an abusive man being allowed to continue abusing in the home, just for the sake of keeping another warm body around!

I had the impression you were speaking of more common, ordinary immaturity - which, of course, is not exclusive to males.
Now I see.

Yes, I agree that it's irrational to remain in an abusive relationship.

Hope you have an excellent Monday, Lupita  :)

Carolyn



Hermes

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #9 on: January 28, 2008, 07:56:40 AM »
Hello Lupita:

""I have an acquaintance of mine that sent three thousand dollars to Kenya to have a man buy a ticket to come to see her, he kept the money and never came."" (Lupita)

That sure says a lot more about the woman than about that man!  It gives a whole new meaning to the word "desperation".   Amazing the number of women who are duped by these internet scams (a kind of version of the Nigerian scams). 

Lupita:  You express yourself very well in English. 
All the best.
Hermes



Ami

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #10 on: January 28, 2008, 08:57:12 AM »
IMO, you stay with an abusive man b/c you are so beaten down that you think you deserve it. You think the abuse is your fault. You think that if only you could be "better, he would be  better and love you and it would all go away.
  You do it b/c you are decieved about your own value.That is probably the answer----in one sentence.              Ami
   
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Hermes

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #11 on: January 28, 2008, 10:24:19 AM »
Hello Bella:

I agree with your post.  Now, it is good to be loving and kind.  It is not good to wear one"s heart on one"s sleeve, and men do not find it very attractive.  The more independent you are seen to be, with your own interests, friends, financial freedom and so on, the better you will do in a relationship.  And that does not mean one can be loving and kind also.  A wife is that, a wife to her husband, a woman in every sense, and the husband is a husband,  but not a sort of surrogate son. 

Here in Ireland there is a great expression (when referring to the motherwife).  "She even stirs his tea for him".  LOL


Hermes

Hermes

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #12 on: January 28, 2008, 04:00:32 PM »
Hello to all:

I have a teddy bear, quite old.  Funny thing is, exNH bought him for me one Christmas, all those years ago.  Teddy is in the spare room, on a shelf.  He has the same inquisitorial and rather cold stare as ex-NH.  LOL!  When I feel like it or when I notice, I simply put teddy face down, .  Heaven alone knows what kind of therapy you might call that.  LOL. 

All the best
Hermes

Bella_French

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #13 on: January 28, 2008, 05:09:20 PM »
Hello Bella:

I agree with your post.  Now, it is good to be loving and kind.  It is not good to wear one"s heart on one"s sleeve, and men do not find it very attractive.  The more independent you are seen to be, with your own interests, friends, financial freedom and so on, the better you will do in a relationship.  And that does not mean one can be loving and kind also.  A wife is that, a wife to her husband, a woman in every sense, and the husband is a husband,  but not a sort of surrogate son. 

Here in Ireland there is a great expression (when referring to the motherwife).  "She even stirs his tea for him".  LOL


Hermes


Its so true Hermes; thats how women have `had' to become....independent, financially free, taking care of ourselves, struggling to have equal power. But there was a time where it was normal for a woman to depend on her husband, and a mother's dependence on a man was not seen as undesirable or weak.

You are right, a lot of men run at the sight of a woman who they might have to care for and provide for. But I think these men are more likely to be the irresponsible ones who are looking for a `mother' and `provider' at the same time. In my own life, my independence has usually attracted the guys who don't want to be responsible, not the ones who want to pull their weight. The guys i attract want to be nurtured and loved,  provided for (or at least not have to provide themselves), and be free of responsibilities. The appeal is that they get the best of both worlds.

I liked my sister's approach, when she was divorced. She had a new baby and a toddler at foot, and she wanted to meet a wealthy, responsible man to look after them, and she didn't pretend otherwise. Her life was `messy' and she was poor, but she wanted to be a full-time mother, so she did that and scraped by on welfare.

Eventually she met my brother in law, who is an ideal husband in my opinion. I truly  doubt that he would have been attracted to her if he couldn't see a clear space in her life for him. I know his `type' and have been attracted to such men before, but they are not attracted to someone as independent as I am. I am not their type.

X bella


Hermes

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Re: the comfort of a teddy bear
« Reply #14 on: January 28, 2008, 05:14:22 PM »
Yes, Bella. 

And I like being financially free (though I am not by any means rich, far from it,) independent, taking care of myself.

My father insisted that women should have a career, purely from a practical viewpoint.  If a woman got widowed young, then she had to be in a position to be able to work.  Dad was very adamant on that point.  I so miss him!

Hermes