This Bothers Me

[Violet]

Here’s something that I have a hard time with.  My Nmom sees herself as very good and very religious, she has never admitted to any responsibility for anything, and sees herself as the perfect mother of the perfect family, never mind my siblings have all had multiple substance abuse issues and there are at least 3 different suicide attempts in our family, lots of other horror stories, etc.  Her “Jesus” is one of her main sources of Nsupply.  She believes people are hurting, poor, or sick because a) they don’t have enough faith to claim their “blessing” (money, health, perfect life, whatever) and/or b) there is secret “sin” in their lives.  She lives in a senior retirement home and stays away from people who are sick, scared or hurting.  She boasts about this within a religious context, meaning she feels that this type of individual can somehow contaminate her and "destroy her faith" if she is around them.  I do not understand the theological basis for her beliefs, never mind that Jesus Christ spent His time on earth in the dusty streets, helping the hurting, stinking, poor, heartbroken masses.  She flaunts her health, wealth and other temporal blessings and boastfully takes credit for them, since she is on “Jesus’ ” A list.

People like me, the broken-hearted, maimed, financially struggling, goofball, nobodies are getting what they deserve; her “God” sees them as powerless and not worth blessing.

This makes my head  and my heart hurt!  My older sister is just like her.  They don’t know what pain or struggles are…. 
Violet

[Leah]

Hi Violet,

Basically, she follows, as you illustrate, a different "Jesus"

not, Jesus Christ as in the Bible.

I have met with Christians, in a spiritually abusive church, that I was a member of, years ago now, who followed this version of "Jesus"

Hence, anyone who was sick, lost a job, or any mishap in life, was labelled, as having "sin in their life!"

Narcissists go to church too!!!

Spiritual Abuse thread thay may be of interest to you:  http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=6371.0


My sincere empathy and understanding (also have an NPD mother).

Love, Leah

[Ami]

That is really pitiful, Violet. I would rather have the N, who is "out there" strutting their N stuff than your type of N. That is probably the worse type of N( and the hardest to detect). It must be really hard, Violet.I am so sorry.            Ami                   

[Gabben]

Dear Violet ,

I hear your frustration. Underneath the self-rightness religious indignation of your mom and sister is fear, insecurity, and envy.

Sure, they are not thieves in the normal sense but they are stealer's of integrity, charity and attention. They uses their faith as a defense to protect themselves.

The worst is a person who pretends to be perfect and without flaws....anyone who acts too holy or too saintly is a person to be careful of. I have learned this lesson in my own Catholic community. I am amazed at the people who act saintly and perfect yet treat others with disdain because deep down they are insecure and envious.

If you ever get a chance, study envy, if you have already done so, restudy it. Envy is at the root of a lot of behaviors, especially those in the church -- however, if I was to post this without admitting my own sense of envy at times or jealously I would be a hypocrite. For the most part I find joy in others gifts and successes, but if my own sense of self esteem is down, or as in the past, I have tied my sense of worth to achievements, then I am apt to be prone to feelings of envy at others successes.

The thing about looking down on others who are down, your mom and sister do that because it gives them a sense of feeling superior to compensate for deep down feeling inferior.

Thanks for your post.

Gab

[Certain Hope]

Hi again, Violet,

I agree 100 percent with Gabben's post re: envy.

The false "prosperity gospel" teaching which is so popular today has caused alot of pain to many folks, but my religious mother doesn't buy into that... yet she sounds exactly like your mom when it comes to her view of the downtrodden.
Basically, she seems to think that if they would only straighten up and be as good as she is, they'd be fine.
For those with whom she can't find any particular fault (especially women... and they are very few), she blames their troubles on their spouse.

Carolyn

[Leah]

hi again, Violet

Envy sits deep at the root, regarding the "Postive Confession" ~ "Prosperity Gospel"

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=6197.msg111734#msg111734

again, from personal experience in the spiritually abusive chuch, some years ago, now.

Hope this is of a help to you.

Love, Leah

[Gabben]

"Postive Confession"

Leah,

Can you please explain what you mean by "positive confession" and envy at root of it? I have never heard this before...interesting.

Lise

[Leah]

Dear Lise,

I have to go to bed shortly, should have gone ages ago, but, to answer your question, as above,

Positive Confession is NOT Catholic, so don't panic!!!

It's part of the Prosperity Gospel.

Which was in the church that I was a member of, some years ago now, and, managed to escape from.

My story is in the "Spiritual Abuse" thread.   

There is a book by a guy "From the other side of the River" which is an excellent true life account etc etc.

Hope that helps clarify for you.

Honestly, the Spiritual Abuse was the WORST, believe me, for me, and the 400 other people in the church, who were broken people after, they too had escaped.

God Bless You.

"Goodnight"

Love, Leah


PS >>>  Lise, you mentioned ENVY so that's why i posted, as did Carolyn too,

i.e. .........  Underneath the self-rightness religious indignation of your mom and sister is fear, insecurity, and envy.

[Gabben]

No worries, Leah, I was not even thinking that "positive confession" WAS Catholic --- I have just never heard the term and since it is written by you here with vagueness, I just wanted clarity as to what exactly it means. BTW - you still evaded my question, I know that you are tired, sleep well and when you get a chance please fill me in on what positive confession means, thanks.

Lise

Hi Violet - sorry to embark on a conversation with Leah here on your thread - just want clarity on this issue.

Peace~

[Leah]

Thanks Lise, I am tired and really must go, as I have worked too long and hard today, to meet a deadline, and my eyes are watery.

But, I need to work to eat!

Catch up tomorrow, I never ever evade anyone or their questions, rather, I labour away trying to explain, clarify, etc. 

and try my best to be helpful.

Leah aka  Miss Understood   


PS >>> Rather than wait for me tomorrow,,,,,,, why not simply google in "positive confession" "prosperity gospel"

[Gabben]

Good idea, thank you Leah!

[Hopalong]

What an amazing insight, Violet:

Her “Jesus” is one of her main sources of Nsupply.

Thank you for this...it has really flashed in my mind, illuminating a lot of old painful confusing things.

Glad you're here...I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Hops

[Hermes]

Yes, indeed, envy.  It is so corrosive and eats into people.

Last night a friend called me (someone I have known quite a long time in fact).  She could hardly get over the pleasantries quick enough to tell me their next door neighbours had purchased a holiday apartment in another country (overseas).  (Good for them, I think!  and besides the couple in question can afford it, because they both work hard).  So she says: "I think they are crazy!"  So I say: "Oh well there are some lovely places over there where they have bought the apartment etc. etc. "  She says: "It is too far away for them, etc. etc." too long a flight and so on and so forth".  I think to myself, but do not say:" Well, it is their own business even if they buy an apartment sitting on the north pole". 
Point is, she is almost ill with envy at their being able to buy that place, and I began to just feel tired of the conversation.  I cannot understand that kind of thinking. 
I love the idea that the couple in question are now going to do something different in their lives, their kids are grown up and flown the nest, so why not?
People are strange......

Best to all
Hermes

[Leah]

Exactly Hermes,

Have listened to similiar, with my inner thoughts, of just let them be.

Envy and Falseness, are my "bother me"

Love,

Leah

[Hermes]

You are so right, Leah.  No point in talking. 
I shall however, make a point of congratulating the couple in question on their new endeavour if I get a chance to see them sometime.

People who pull you down, psychically speaking, are to be avoided.  I swear I groan when I see that this particular friend is telephoning me me LOL. 

All the best
Hermes