A Fine Romance

[Ami]

I did not read the whole book, "A Fine Romance"(Hops book suggestion)but on the last page ,there were some suggestions that were very profound.
 It says that you don't need to have a perfect partner,or be perfect yourself. You will need to
                               Take a risk,confront a fear
                                Love a real person instead of a fantasy
                               Be good to yourself in the process
 If you are able to do all three, you are guarenteed a fine romance.


I thought these words were very simple,but full of wisdom.
I would love to hear people's comments and experience(following or NOT following  suggestions ,such as these)                                         Ami
PS   They can be modified to fit any relationship,IMO.

[Gabben]

 It says that you don't need to have a perfect partner,or be perfect yourself. You will need to
                               Take a risk,confront a fear
                                Love a real person instead of a fantasy
                               Be good to yourself in the process
 If you are able to do all three, you are guarenteed a fine romance.

This is helpful -- Does this make sense AMI??? I get that I don't have to be perfect, I can make mistakes and even be reactionary. I can make mistakes but it is not up to my partner to accept me the way I am it is up to me to accept me the way I am and if my partner can't handle my past and my imperfections then perhaps it is T time or time to do some more work together or away from each other.

The more I can accept me with all of my imperfections, the more I will attract healthy relationships and the unhealthy people seem to just fall to the way side.



 human flawed and imperfect

[Ami]

Dear Lise,
  If you were trying to make another point, you will have to spell it out more,in a PM or here, b/c  I am a little dense,right now(lol)
  I do want to understand, though.           Love   Ami

[Gabben]

Ami -- I getcha...no prob.

I'll try to spell it out in a PM -- or next time we talk, if OK.

[Ami]

That would be great ,Lise.                                                                                         Love,         Ami

[Ami]

Dear CB,
  I appreciate your post, very much. As I was reading it,it hit me that the hardest part of an authentic relationship may be MY being authentic,  connected to myself, willing to share myself,'knowing myself, even.
  However, the fruits of intimacy are so wonderfully sweet that any pain is worth it.                   Ami
                                                                                                             

[alone48]

Ami,

I use to wonder "why can't someone just love ME", but then I realized I never let anyone close enough to know the real me. That isn't totally true, I am very  open with my friends, but in a relationship I'm guarded and try to only show the good side. Why wouldn't I be surprised when the person sees another side of me, later in the relationship, and is thrown for a loop? I'll have to get the book.

[Ami]

Dear Alone,
  You are making a profound point. I had an incident with a female friend,Olga.. I have known her for over 20 years. *I* ,always showed her the "sanitized" version of myself(lol) b/c *I* only KNEW the sanitized version. I was not 'real" with myself, let alone her or anyone else.
A few days ago, I was really hurting and needed to talk to s/one. I called her and told her that I wa going to be really "real". We had a great talk and I realized that I DID have to practice being the "real" me, not the "cleaned up version".
  IF s/one could not handle the real me, I would deal with it. There could be many reasons for it.However,it will not kill me. The board always has people who DO understand ,if I have a hard 3D experience.
 Alone, I think that the hardest step of all is "intimacy" with ourselves. After that, the rest will be relatively easy, I think.  Love    Ami

[alone48]

YES, I agree. I once had a friend that told me " I never thought you needed anyone, you are always so strong" . So why should I be surprised when no one is there for me. I portray an image that isn't so.

[Ami]

Dear Alone,
  I think that you summed up our problem ,well(lol)
  I am trying to be more "real" b/c I want to feel "real", after all this time.
  I am trying to practice being connected to myself, which is new. 
                                     Love   Ami