I have a new "emotional" program .
When I feel feelings(or stomach aches which hold feelings), I go IN to them and see what they are trying to tell me ,rather than just run away. I realized ,yesterday,I did not value what I felt.
Now, I have to be willing to go forward and look within to discover what IS there and what is false and destructive. Then,I will bring it to light. Usually,just facing it ,is enough. However,if I need more help, I will get it.
Today,I had a fascinating experience. I knew a guy ,from the gym . We had some deep talks b/c one day I was crying (reading Vaknin, on the bike- lol) . He came to see what was wrong and I told him about my M and H.
So, over the past few months, we got to know each other quite well. I introduced him to my sons when they would go to the gym ,with me.
Since Scott died, I would see him around,but not close enough to talk . He would see my car ,at the gym, or even walk by the window and see me ,inside, but never came in to talk.
Today, I saw him, again, outside the window. I got a stomach ache. It was anger that he did not have enough "heart ' to express some sentiment about Scott, to me.
Today, he came in and he was almost breaking down. He told me that he felt such deep emotions of sorrow for me that he could not even come in to see me. He was brokenheated, for me ,to such a degree that he could just NOW bring himself to talk to me.
I took an outside circumstance and got upset. In this case, I was totally wrong. However,I need to STOP trying to manage people's emotions, whether I am right or wrong. The point is that it is a futile and destructive exercise.
Thanks for listening! Ami