Managing Other People's Emotions

[Ami]

I have a new "emotional" program  .
When I feel feelings(or stomach aches which hold feelings), I go IN to them and see what they are trying to tell me ,rather than just run away. I realized ,yesterday,I did not value what I felt.
 Now, I have to be willing to go forward and look within to discover what IS there and what is  false and destructive. Then,I will bring it to light. Usually,just facing it ,is enough. However,if I need more help, I will get it.
  Today,I had a fascinating experience. I knew a guy ,from  the gym . We had some deep talks b/c one day I was crying (reading Vaknin, on the bike- lol) . He came to see what was wrong and I told him about my M and H.
  So, over the past few months, we got to know each other quite well. I introduced him to my sons when they would go to the gym ,with me.
 Since Scott died, I would see him around,but not close enough to talk . He would see my car ,at the gym, or even walk by the window and see me ,inside, but never came in to talk.
  Today, I saw him, again, outside the window. I got a stomach ache. It  was anger that he did not have enough "heart ' to   express some sentiment about Scott, to me.
  Today, he came in and he was almost breaking down. He told me that he felt such deep emotions of sorrow for me that he could not even come in to see me. He was brokenheated, for me ,to such a degree that he could just NOW  bring himself to talk to me.
 I took  an outside circumstance and got upset. In this case, I was totally wrong. However,I need to STOP trying to manage people's emotions, whether I am right or wrong. The point is that it is a futile and destructive exercise.
      Thanks for listening!                                                      Ami
 

 

[Gabben]

I was totally wrong.

(((Ami))) -- are you beating yourself up or are you admitting this in a constructive way? I can't hear your voice or see you, the board is in the way 

One thing I love about you is your ability to look at yourself and admit shortcomings, that is a sign of good character.

However,I need to STOP trying to manage people's emotions, whether I am right or wrong. The point is that it is a futile and destructive exercise.

Good insight Ami -- I wonder myself why I do that too. Perhaps hearing others emotions sets something off in me, perhaps my emotions, the ones I do not want to feel?

What do you think?

Love you monkey.

[Ami]

You are so sweet,Lise.
  I am NOT beating myself up. I am commited to looking within and owning and valuing myself, rather than run away from my emotions.
  Thanks for your beautiful post.          Love,  Ami

[Bella_French]

However,I need to STOP trying to manage people's emotions, whether I am right or wrong.

Dear Ami,

After reading your post, I could honestly see no evidence of you trying to manage your friends emotions. You did nothing `controlling' at all; you just had some  `feelings' about his behaviour, without trying to interfere with his feelings. And I think its Ok to be disappointed when we feel let down by a friend ! Even if it turns out that they had their reasons.

I am glad that things worked out.

X Bella

 

 

[Ami]

Bella,
  I was not clear about my point,I don't think. *I* was angry and got a stomach ache b/c I thought he was "ignoring" me. I reacted based on what I thought "he" was thinking. My point was that I do not want to guess what other people are thinking and THEN react.
The incident was an example of a general principle I am trying to learn.
  No matter what played out on this situation, I am trying to learn to own myself and my own emotions. Is that easier to understand,now, Bella?     Love   Ami

[Bella_French]

Yes that makes sense, Ami. We are not mind-readers, lol.

X Bella