I had a big realization with my sister's latest visit - I really do not count in the family. Not one bit. I have been written off (doubtless long ago) as the different one, the hard-to-deal-with-one, or the one who chose to move away. Whatever the justificatons, they are there. As a child, I always felt I was in some sort of competiition - which child would be the 'successful' one. I know now that my parents decided long ago that my sister 'won' the contest and I could do just about anything in the universe and it would not count for much. I would get some 'points' if I somehow brought them money or attention, but it still would never make them like ME. When my sister was here, she said that my parents tell everyone that I lived in Italy and Japan, speak languages, yada, yada, yada. I said to her that bragging about that has nothing to do with me and her reply was that they are one and the same.
I could not believe that when my sister came to visit, my mother called and texted repeatedly. She hardly EVER calls and has texted twice ever... and when she called, she never even asked to talk to my kids.
I know I sound like a broken record from my years on here... I go through all this every bunch of months... ugh. It just truly amazes me now that I realize that I am such a 'third wheel.' I am considered less attractive, less intelligent, less interesting, less everything. How can someone do this to their kids and then make excuses for it with no pang of guilt? And (SunBlue, my dear) I feel my dad is just as guilty... he is as damaging and cruel.
Thanks for reading if you could bear to listen to it all again.
Love, Beth
