Empathy - Interesting Abstract

[Gabben]

Hey Lise -

if I had happy news and actually FELT happy, I'd be all the over the place looking for people to share with.

What I was trying to say, is what happens if I AM happy... and no one cares enough to nod, smile, congratulate me - what Daily Mail was saying about the negative situation: a witness, a nod, understanding is still important. I do need "empathy" for happiness or I feel invisible, unimportant; like I don't exist. I feel invalidated if someone doesn't say - "That's nice". My mom was absolutely famous for this type of invalidation.

Being happy - and wanting to include others in that happiness or wanting someone to notice, isn't Nish.

Oh, yes, agreed. Thanks for the clarity.

Are empathy and praise the same for you?

And for me, who came from a home with lack of praise, I have had at times in my life and excessive need for praise which I can confuse with needing empathy.

I have to be careful. I think if I was to get engaged or enjoy some common success that I know others would enjoy I would share it with them. But rarely do I share much of my joy or successes unless it will benefit others in a good way.

N saint was so good at acting the humble person that it made me feel ashamed for ever needing empathy for sharing my lifes good news. It was if she projected that everytime I shared something good I was only doing it for  Npraise or Ncknowledgement. It felt icky.

But yes, we do need empathy for our joy.

[DailyMail]

I think loving parents can instill a child's sense of power and capability and PRIDE without using praise, but they'd have to be very good at it.

[Leah]

I agree, as is my view in life -- Empathy is to Walk in the Other Peson's Shoes:


Empathy : of Joy and Sorrow


   Join with someone in empathy with their Joy and happiness, state of inner bliss.

   Join with someone in empathy with their Sorrow and sadness, state of inner despair.


Which seems to me to be a healthy balance of mutual empathy -- and respectful validation.

Leah x


quote:  "empathy is a powerful communication skill that is often misunderstood and underused"

[DailyMail]

validation?

Hmm, I'm not sure my need for connection is about validation.  I feel valid.  I just feel better when I'm not alone or "so odd" in my experiences.

[Gabben]

Daily ------------I can empathize

It sure takes the edge off life for me when I hear that others are real and human and struggle too with life's issues.

Life CAN be hard at times, that is a fact.

Good people and friends help to make it better.

Hugs.

[Leah]

I truly appreciate this .....

Whether people are beautiful and friendly or unattractive and disruptive, ultimately they are human beings, just like oneself. Like oneself, they want happiness and do not want suffering.

Furthermore, their right to overcome suffering and be happy is equal to one's own. Now, when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it, you automatically feel empathy and closeness for them.

Through accustoming your mind to this sense of universal altruism, you develop a feeling of responsibility for others: the wish to help them actively overcome their problems. Nor is this wish selective; it equally applies to all.

~  Dalai Lama

[Certain Hope]

Hey Lise -

if I had happy news and actually FELT happy, I'd be all the over the place looking for people to share with.

What I was trying to say, is what happens if I AM happy... and no one cares enough to nod, smile, congratulate me - what Daily Mail was saying about the negative situation: a witness, a nod, understanding is still important. I do need "empathy" for happiness or I feel invisible, unimportant; like I don't exist. I feel invalidated if someone doesn't say - "That's nice". My mom was absolutely famous for this type of invalidation.

Being happy - and wanting to include others in that happiness or wanting someone to notice, isn't Nish.

Dear Amber,

That's how I feel, too. Thanks for putting it into words.

Love,
Carolyn

[Certain Hope]

I think it's just as damaging, if not more for us particular folk - those recovering from voicelessness.

Bean, I agree with you. I think it's just as damaging and equally as valid an indicator of true empathy.

And CONGRATULATIONS on being selected for an award !!

Love,
Carolyn