ACN's: When did you realize your Nparent was...well, CRAZY?

[gratitude28]

Anastasia,
I often feel guilty for complaining when I read others' stores. Yes, my mother did not like/love me. I was not abused physically... I am not sure why, but that was one line she would not cross. I think she feared my father. I can remember lots of times when she would say that she would tell my father to spank me. Mostly he did not. I wonder if she disliked me enough not to even want to touch me? I think it must have been a fear of my father knowing how she truly felt...
Love to all of you.
Beth

[hardtotrust]

Nan99, what you suffered is extremely abusive!

Beth, it doesn't matter if there are people who suffered more than you. Your pain is legitimate and deserves to be recognized.

Hugs.

[gratitude28]

Thank you, hardtotrust. I often have to remind myself of this, even as I say the same words to others.
I do hope that all here know that despite our differing levels of *abuse* (I don't know what to call it, but I guess sucky childhood or marriage might fit between the asterisks as well), we all have an understanding of each other's situation. I am grateful we are here so we can share and compare... and find out where to go next...
Love, Beth

[nan99]

Beth wrote:

. I can remember lots of times when she would say that she would tell my father to spank me. Mostly he did not. I wonder if she disliked me enough not to even want to touch me? I think it must have been a fear of my father knowing how she truly felt...

Beth, maybe this is true with your mom, too, but with my mom wanting my father to do the spanking, I always saw it like she was jealous because dad and I got along well, and she wanted me to hate him for spanking me, and wanted him to hate me so she kept telling him how bad I was; or maybe it was her way of trying to punish us for not being as miserable as she was or she was trying to make us as miserable like her.  Just my take on it. 

(PS: My mom didn't touch me much either, and when she did it was never in a nurturing way; always felt she disliked me. When I look back on it, I think it was because she disliked herself so much and never felt loved by her parents -- I think she treated me just the way her mom treated her. It somehow helps me to think on those terms - that it wasn't "me" she disliked, but the "her" she saw in me.)