(((Hops)))
Let me tell you about the day I took my 3yo to her
first school 'observation', lol.
You wouldn't believe how naked I felt in sandals,and sparkley pink toenails,in a room full sweaty desperate parents dressed in suits, power ties and
really ugly (closed toed) shoes.
AND.... I had a baby on my colorful silk skirt clad hip: /
They must have been horrified for me, lol.
Truly.
When Baby J began babbling happily during the forced parent inprisonment chat (with the admissions director.....) she usually babbled during hyms at church, no doubt she thought that's where we were...... I found the pleasant little noise truly a blessing in that uptight scary room full of fear.
Everyone else managed to stiffen up another notch, something I would have thought impossible but nooooo.....
so I hushed her. No big deal, right?
GOD it was such a needlessly abusive little chat he gave!
He managed to upset all the parents by about 300% and
kill my ignorent blissful serenity, pronto.
Later, the mommy sitting next to me told me she was so relieved that my baby was so well behaved. Her little boy would have been bouncing off the walls and she had been fearful for me.
She was fearful bc the admissions people have a lot of power over us..... they can arbitrarily set standards for the children then ignore everything they said they judge them on, which they did in our case. God help the people who's tots melted down during the testing..... or pooped their pants (yes, that happened to my youngest, but that story another time.)
I now understand that it is indeed about
politics. We're all a prisoner of it, at times, Lupita.
You can feed 25 orphans through the church orphanage in Haiti.... you can bring food to sick elderly people in the hospital every day but...... participate heavily during every clothing and food drive, provide Christmas for 3 children off the church Christmas tree but you aint worth nuthin if you aren't chairing a committee or sucking up in the right way to the right people.... preferably with a 20K check in hand.
I wouldn't know how to present a bribe like that and not screw it up, btw: /
That GOLDEN TICKET, bought to any school in the STATE if you're child is accepted into the 3yo program at this school, (the only game in town Mr. admissions told us) is a huge money maker for the school.
I had no idea about any of this when I chose the church and the school.
Ah hem.
We were wait listed.....
and everyone in my circle was S H O C K E D.
My book club members at church, my neighbor, other Mother Morning out mommies who sought out my child for playdates to help socialize their widdle puddins.
Waitlisted. ::nodding::
I remember comically falling to my knees,in a flower bed,the day I read the letter.
I yelled "NUHOOOOOOOOOO" in an overtly dramatic fashion (robably had the neighbors thinking I'd lost someone dear to me.)
The truth was..... I hadn't applied anywhere else.
Holy crap.... what was I going to do NOW? Pre school was upon us! I didn't even go to pre school btw. I don't know why I was so freaked out bc L already knew everything they were going to be going over: /
But I was and so.....
I'd been rejected by a marginal school,and I really didn't know that every high mucky muck richy rich was applying their child too.
I wanted community not a snobby environment.....
this is a wonderful example of not applying the important lessons I took away from secondary education.
90% research.
10% execution.
I didn't know how to play the game.
I come from self employed creative thinkers who avoid this type of situation throughout our entire lives. Pretty much at all costs.
I've never voted a straight ticket, to make matters worse, lol.
I don't even obviously belong to
any GROUP of people attending these institutions.
That ex head master sneered that people who go to the different schools "don't live in the same communities" they wouldn't possibly end up with their children at the same schools.
Like I was stupid, lol... I suppose I was in that arena.
What an eye opener.
So much for searching for schools with teaching philosophies that suit individual children. ::shaking head::
And they're all
so different.
Children really could benefit from careful consideration in that area, IMO.
So far.... this entire subject's been carefully crafted around excluding peopole...... not about embracing a child/or steering them towards a place where they'll flourish.
The word "elitism" comes to mind.
The word "child" doesn't.
It's about status for the parents, comfort for the parents..... social entertainment. Not what's best for Jr.
The end to that particular story was a good one.
We ended up at a school with twice the program for half the money and they had a very good flexible after school program and activities. Very small school.... very small classes. It was all good: )
Overcomer... they forbid giving teachers gifts at our current school now bc parents were giving trips and hugely expensive things and expecting things from the teachers in return. Like getting their children leads in school plays, etc.
Right now.... the demanding parents who get in the teacher's faces are the one's who's little darlings get what they want.
Lupita... when I had some trouble communicating with a PreK teacher.... I felt completely abused by her and unable to be heard. She made assumptions and did what she wanted to my child. I was afraid to even question her bc of what she'd do to my dd.
I considered taking her out of the school rather than address the trouble, which I eventually resolved bc of information I got from my daughter.
The teacher was actually defensive when I solved the problems
she was having with my daughter, without any help from her... only sabotage. She had labled my child in her head and was creating power struggles then complaining to me about the problems without giving me any information surrounding them.
It was maddening bc we'd just had a magical year where her teacher said I didn't have to attend parent teacher meetings, my "L was doing so well... just keep doing what I was doing, L was her heart."
THe next teacher said she was roiling in class and could I please tell her about my home so she could help me fix my child? She refused to answer any questions about the class and denied that the new class, peers or teachers could be any small part of the problems so she refused to consider them. That was frustrating since it turned out that her inconsistency with discipline was causing L to go bonkers and try to control the class. Once I explained that it was the teacher's job... to only concern herself with her own business... thing cleared up like magic. She stopped paying attention tounruly little boys and became the lteacher's pet, just like she'd been the year before.
I'd started dreading carpool bc the teacher would come and heft her ass into my car, in front of everyone, and put L on the spot. "Are you going to tell your mother what happened today.... or am I?"
No info about what happened before the incident, just complaints and plans to change my child completely over a number of years.
It had taken me so many years to ruin her.... so it stood to reason it would take so many years to completely re train her, yes? It was nuts! And that's what prompted me to go see the ex head master guy in the first place. I thought the learning environment was killing my child's spirit and love of school. All the sudden she no longer wanted to go 7 days a week with joy and light in her eyes. I had to drag her into school!
The teacher never admitted that she was wrong. She was, however, sitting in a booth next to mine the day I told a phychologist about my husband choking me when I caught him in an affair.... how he'd been financially terrorizing me. She got up and walked past me with a little smile on her face.
Of all the Vegan joints in all of the city..... we had to end up sitting in the same one, back to back, within hearing distance. And my T was becoming hard of hearing to boot so it wasn't a terribly low murmbered conversation either: /
There are icky people everywhere, teachers, parents, kids, clergy members, parishoners, peers..... it's a matter of coping and problem solving.
I see that more clearly lately.
Developing coping strategies and problem solving skills that work for us is very important.
Not becoming overwhelmed or even better, learning how to right our boats when do become overwhelmed. Getting back on track and moving forward.
