Dear Nan,
I'm so relieved to know that your H isn't violent! On the other hand, I never really thought that mine could be, either... until after I learned about npd and he caught on to the fact that his mask had slipped. That's when it got really sticky.
When he saw his control over me diminishing and realized that I was gaining more independence, that's when he grew really dangerous. The day he physically threatened me, I was preparing to head out the door to return some job applications.
It was as though he had some sort of psychotic break that day... and from then on, there was no going back.
Just before that, he also went through a withdrawal period... and I feel that could have gone on indefinitely, if he hadn't known that I'd been researching npd and was preparing myself to fend for myself. So please, just be very cautious.
My isolation during our brief marriage was complete. I was (and still am) 1,000 miles away from family, unemployed, no friends here, and absolutely no energy to even think about creating a support system. If it hadn't been for our local domestic violence counselor and shelter... well, I hate to even think about it.
But even before those most desperate times, there was just such an aura of shame clinging to me... or that's how I felt.
Being such a timid little mouse, I figured that everyone who looked at me could surely see how contaminated I was by him... that life-consumer. It was sheer survival instinct which propelled me out of that living death, really... and I surely hope that it never gets to that point with you. Please take extra good care of yourself and know that you are such a valuable, precious woman who deserves to live in peace and joy.
Love,
Carolyn
