How the board is the same

[Gabben]

Carolyn: There's room for everyone... and those who want to rule the roost will eventually either grow up or leave.

No, Carolyn.  there is not room for everyone at all.  There is room for people who come here to tell how awful their life has been (most with good reason), but there is not room for people who are here to tell that there is VICTORY that can be won over things.

It's like people want permission to stay stuck.

For instance, is their room for people who became N's or ill as a result of N's?  I guarantee there are N's right on this very board.  Is there room for "everyone" no.

I think there is room for everyone.

I used to not feel that way but by making a commitment to myself to not abandon the board, work through MY issues, not others people's issues, I can learn and grow to accept everyone. That does not mean I will like them but I CAN live peacefully with them.

Just like Ami and Carolyn said if I find myself being brushed the wrong way by someone here then perhaps it is something in me that I need to look at.

The more I heal and embrace my pain as well as humble myself and admit my ego/pride and weak areas the more strength I have to accept others regardless of their glaring N traits or personality, or subtly destructive behaviors.

Lately, I can read posts and watch stuff go by that could be a slight to me or a subtle passive jab and it does not hurt or strike a negative chord with me....................... finally!! That was my goal.

It is not so much the world that needs to be changed as me and my attitudes. That is not an easy thing.

Last week I was overreactive, fed up, exhausted and wrung out emotionally (I sound like my dear friend Ami) but sometimes THAT is what it takes some of us to heal.

This week I have a wonderful sense of peace and for the first time in a long time I actually can see the light at the end of the tunnel of all of my pain.

This morning I woke up with Joy and peace in my heart.

I have no desire to fight anyone (Can you believe it?) It is just gone. YES, there is room for everyone here and for those who do not believe so or feel that there is not room, well, I think they will be the first to leave.

Gab

[Gabben]

I have respect for people who admit their flaws, too... and I am a "faith person". There's a huge difference between admitting flaws and focusing on them, thereby magnifying them. In my opinion, confessing faith and admitting flaws are not mutually exclusive.

Me too.

When we see ourselves, or the parts of ourselves that we hide from ourselves, then those parts can no longer have power over us. Admitting our faults is a matter of stepping into the light.

Gab

[Certain Hope]

((((((((Lise))))))))) it's good to read you.... and especially wonderful to hear of this settled joy and peace you're experiencing!

Me, too  .... tired, but peaceful and joy-filled!

And I've missed you the past couple days... hope you have a great week.

Love,
Carolyn

[Overcomer]

And my whole point is to say that the board cycles.  Fights.  Calm times.  Always seems like one person freaks out and storms off-never fails.  Then there is an equalization.  I predict that things will settle down and there will be some calm before the next storm.

[Gabben]

And I've missed you the past couple days... hope you have a great week.

Hi Carolyn,

I've missed you too.

I needed time away to nurture myself. I had another awakening on Saturday about my self-hating behavior and it created a psychological shift in me that was huge. I was able to get in touch with that part of self that has been split off, the part of self that hates me because my N mom hated herself and that was the only reality of love that I knew as a child.

Over the years I have learned self acceptance and  to love myself but it was this last layer of seeing what felt like the last remnants of self-hatred finally making their way up and out of me.

The darkest hour is just before the dawn.


Love,
Lise

[Certain Hope]

That's so awesome, Lise... if you are able to put more of this process into words, as time goes by, I'm eager to hear.

My own little milestone came when I picked up the mail on Friday and opened the most recent envelope from my parents without a pang.  Okay, so maybe I'm just plain panged out... but it was a relief. And I even read their notes.

Arise, shine, for your Light has come 

Hugs and love,
Carolyn

[Overcomer]

Laura-I know you are mad at me and I am not going to convince you not to be.  Also I am not going to say anything negative as per Dr Gs request and because you do not deserve it.  I wish you love joy patience peace goodness kindness long suffering and self control-I know you have these fruits and I ask for a blessing so big you will not have room to contain it.  Peace be with you.

[Hopalong]

AFTER having discovered what NPD is, AFTER reading Vaknin's book and feeling like the sun suddenly started shedding reality on my newfound madhouse existence, AFTER breaking up with Mr Vampire, AFTER a few years of intensive therapy in which I revealed all the secrets of my Nrelationship I carried immense shame and guilt over, I came to notice, my dramatics diminished exponentially, I didnt feel this intense urge to scramble around to people to get life-or-death empathy, support, attention, I also didn't feel an urge to preach about what was wrong and what people needed to do to save themselves, I didn't need to convince others I was right in order to save myself from annihilation, the whole world started to slow down and become quieter, and my survival/existence was no longer predicated on connecting with others in order to avoid emotional meltdown.  I became far less narcissistic because 'getting from others" wasn't my lifeline anymore.

DailyMail,
I found this so evocative, a brilliant description.

thank you,
Hops

[lighter]

I'm really gonna miss DM.

I was hoping she'd provide thte URL's and stick around.

[Hopalong]

Jeez. I missed it. Daily Mail left?
I am confused ... what happened?

Darn.
I got a PM but didn't recognize it as a goodbye.

Phooey.

Hops

[Hopalong]

maybe I'm just plain panged out...

CH,
I love this, and hope it stays true for you.
How about a sign like Brinks Security:

PANGS-PROTECTED

Love,
Hops

[Gaining Strength]

Jeez. I missed it. Daily Mail left?
I am confused ... what happened?

Yup.  Asked to leave by Dr. G.  Not sure exactly why but I'm sure Dr. G had a very good reason.

[Overcomer]

I do not think he asked her to leave-he wanted her to state who what and where and she would not so then she left.  Still confused about the whole thing.

[Certain Hope]

maybe I'm just plain panged out...

CH,
I love this, and hope it stays true for you.
How about a sign like Brinks Security:

PANGS-PROTECTED

Love,
Hops

lol  ((((((((((((Hops))))))))))).....    indeed!

Zero exposure to pang creators, now. Only reading those whom I love.
Like you.

Take good care, sweet Hops.

Carolyn

[Leah]

SHE wrote like one, then wrote like a HE,

Hi Izzy,

I can't * see * that, the writing like a "she" and then like a "he"


BTW please don't call me "Butch" again !!!      

Rest assured, I am a feminine woman, however, I don't do wearing pink .... as I prefer other color's, that match my eyes.  


Love, Ms Leah