How the board is the same

[Overcomer]

I remember signing up on this forum when I had finally realized my mom was an N.  It was so validating to hear that other people understood what I was going through.  I look at my personal messages from people who have since came and went.  I remember being VERY dismayed when huge fights would break out and people would storm off.  It has happened over and over again with many wonderful safe times imbetween.  I have seen where one or two people stir the pot and leave us all to pick up the pieces

[Overcomer]

I do not think this is a new phenomenon here-yes it is not fun but it is also not something new.  I do think some people start to take over the board and this changes the dynamics in that it becomes about one or two people and not the group as a whole.  AND there are so many new topics popping up that it is impossible to fully engage in each one.  Sometimes I think we should have a private chat room where people can go and visit.

[Leah]

I do think some people start to take over the board and this changes the dynamics in that it becomes about one or two people and not the group as a whole.

I have posted on Laura's thread.  Lots of folks have been looking back at old threads 2006 - 2005 - 2004.  So I have been clicking on them and reading them.

There is one particular trend -- " Battle for Control of the Board "  for what underlying reason, not sure.    "Controller / Controlling" maybe??

Having a Voice in any community does not mean it has to be an authority and have the "Lastworditis"

Team Players with mutual and reciprocal acceptance works in any community, real life, or none, is my personal thought.

Sharing with a sense of belonging in a community in being accepted is the basis of healthy interactions -- and healing, recovery and growth.

If one cannot feel accepted or a sense of belonging in an Emotional Survival Community of sharing experiences and insight with support -- then ??

Leah x

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
  For me, the way that I navigate the board is to realize that I would have to deal with ALL types of people ,in every day situations. S/times you are "stuck" with s/one you don't like. Then, you have to find the part of you that can deal with it.
 The board is the same. Some people I love, many I like and a few I can't stand. Then,I am challenged to deal with the one's I can't stand ,as I would be in real life.                   Love   Ami

[reallyME]

on the issue of "battle for control of the board" I have a comment.  Thanks Leah, for pointing that out.

When I have posted things in the past that were misconstrued, and I've tried to explain, it seems that there are always one or two people (maybe trolls), who insist that I had sinister motives in those explanations.  At that point I begin falling over myself to PROVE that my motives were pure. 

Frankly, I have really worn myself out in defending not only my original posts but also my reasons for posting.  I'm still trying to figure out how much is even worth it anymore.  SHould I even DARE to post or just sit and lurk and read and say nothing.

For being a "reclaim your voice" board, it often makes me want to BE voiceless here.  I'm not sure there is much of a solution based on the types of situations people have come from and the lenses they view life/comments/people through until they heal.

~Laura

[Certain Hope]

Hi, Kelly,

I'm like Ami in this... feeling like this board is pretty much a slice of life. When someone rubs me the wrong way, I know that I need to look within myself to discover why. And if I feel like someone is trying to control the board dynamics - I may simply not post to her/him.
If there's anything we all can learn here, I believe it's that each one of us can only control her/him-self. There's room for everyone... and those who want to rule the roost will eventually either grow up or leave.

Good to hear your observations, Kelly!

Carolyn

[reallyME]

Carolyn: There's room for everyone... and those who want to rule the roost will eventually either grow up or leave.

No, Carolyn.  there is not room for everyone at all.  There is room for people who come here to tell how awful their life has been (most with good reason), but there is not room for people who are here to tell that there is VICTORY that can be won over things.

It's like people want permission to stay stuck.

For instance, is their room for people who became N's or ill as a result of N's?  I guarantee there are N's right on this very board.  Is there room for "everyone" no.

[Overcomer]

All I am saying is that this happens quite often.  It is not a new dynamic here.  Everyone is welcome but people get frustrated with some people some times and they sometimes call people on it.

[Overcomer]

I have been called on things a few times and my first impulse is to lash out.  Every single time I do that it has gotten me into trouble.  Now I try to hear the intent-ask questions-and try to give it some time.  I always appreciate it when someone else asks an attacker if they meant to say what they did?  I like what Leah suggested.  To go back and read some old posts.  Look for locked threads.  If you want the good old days it will happen again and then get hot again.

[Ami]

Dear Laura,
  The way I look at it is that until Dr G kicks you off, you have a place here.If people dont like you, that is THEIR problem. Let them leave.         Ami

[DailyMail]

I would hope there is room for everyone, even people who have become N's because of the abuse they suffered at another N's hands, as long as we're all mutually respectful of one another.  That's the only real need I have here.

I'd actually be quite interested in discussing things with a N who is respectful and SOMEWHAT honest.  Do they exist?  Are there any here?

And I know not everyone feels the same way I do about this part, but it is true for me, I respect people who can express their discomfort respectfully and honestly.  I'd rather that than a perpetual honeymoon phase because I find people more poignantly beautiful when they reveal their shortcomings and flaws.  But then I find faces weathered beautfiully by life to be more interesting than models.

I'm also a newbie, who hasn't really yet earned my stake in this group, but "I'm just sayin"  

I'm actually looking forward to getting to know all the characters in this "ensemble cast".

[Overcomer]

That is true.  If you treat people the way you would want to be treated.

[DailyMail]

I like it!

Especially since I'm not always respectful of myself.

I've also learned over the years, how I treat others, as I would like to be treated doesn't always sit well with others who have different ideas of how to be treated.

I've seen that come up here briefly a few times in the last few days.  And it's true of me too.  What I find respectful and growthful is considered too aggressive by others.

[reallyME]

Here is a thought for Daily Mail and anyone else.

What about those of us who are "faith" people who are taught and choose to believe, that we are not to speak about our flaws, but instead talk about who GOD says we are.

For instance, if a person comes and says "i'm victorious" or "i'm the righteousness of God in Christ, the head and not the tail, above and not beneath.  I'm not ill, I'm healed because jesus took my pain on the cross," etc...

Are we wrong because we come to the board and speak victory vs defeat? 

Daily mail, you mentioned that you have respect for those who admit their flaws.  What if we're taught that we are NOT TO admit flaws, but to confess faith.

When I've spoken positively here, it's because of that very belief.  I don't alway stick to it, but I've been doing a bit better.  That's how i believe in my "relationship with God"..."whatsoever things are good, honorable, pure, virtuous, of good report, praiseworthy...THINK/SPEAK on these things"

There was  a time and still are sometimes, when I admit to struggling with things, but for the most part, I find that it does me no good.  It gets some sympathy but it doesn't get me on a healthy path.

[Certain Hope]

Daily mail, you mentioned that you have respect for those who admit their flaws.  What if we're taught that we are NOT TO admit flaws, but to confess faith.

I have respect for people who admit their flaws, too... and I am a "faith person". There's a huge difference between admitting flaws and focusing on them, thereby magnifying them. In my opinion, confessing faith and admitting flaws are not mutually exclusive.

Carolyn