HELP, I have left him again and I am dying!

[Overcomer]

This is the emotional roller coaster ride you will be on until you force the space.  If he is serious about counseling than watch him prove it to you.  It might be a ploy to win you back before you leave-thereby not giving you a chance to see If he is sincere.

[Elaine1966]

Thanks Kelly for your post.  I am having another bad day, everything from the weekend just messed with my head.  I hate this feeling!

Elaine

[Hopalong]

Elaine...

I just don't get what he is up too.

Yes, you do. Deep inside, you know exactly what he's up to.

He's manipulating you to try to get you back.
And he's invaded your privacy and manipulated your child while he's at it.

I suppose an invasive, manipulative Narcissist could be fun...

but. I think NO CONTACT would help you decide.

Decide for yourself. And for her.

The future is a long long time and your daughter
doesn't deserve an invasive, entitled, maniupulative, stepfather.

I did that to my child and will always, always regret it.

[alone48]

I know tha feeling of confusion so well, is it a state to keep you in so you don't have time to really thing about what you want? I was fortunate/or unfortunate whichever way you look at it, my N went totally nc with me. At first I just wanted to hear his voice, talk to him, whatever it took.

Honestly just from the way he is acting now, do you think he would honor any of the promises to change? It doesn't sound that way. Counseling would be great, but let him make the first move and start dealing with it at least then you would know he is sericous.

Six months later, I am better but still have moments that I miss what I thought it was.....! NC really is the only way to be objective. I had to have it beaten (not really) into my head before I got it. The moment there was any contact, the attack came out again.

[Elaine1966]

Thanks Hopalong and alone48, I know you are right.  I just miss him so much.  I miss the fun we have had, I miss his touch, etc..  I sit here today and it is taking every ounce of strength I have to not call him or text him. I keep trying to remember/think of all the negative things to keep me grounded.  Having him communicating with my daughter and then she "feels bad" for him, just kills me.  She doesn't want me to think she is "taking sides" but she has forgotten all the crap that we lived with while we were living together.  She is only focusing on how he has been since we split houses.  Their relationship has gotten better, but again, we don't live under the same roof.  It was a nightmare at one time and she had a lot of hate and anger towards him back then, only 6 months ago.  She just keeps telling me that he is the closest thing to a "father" she has.  Her father lives in another state and she does not think highly of him.  This confusion is almost unbearable at times.  Like you said, I need to see if he takes that first step and means what he says.

Thanks again,
Elaine

[alone48]

I also weakened at Xmas and texted N he chose to ignore me, but told everyone else how pitiful I was. Whenever I get weak now, I remember that I was only feeding into the Nism. Children are you resilient and tend to forget the bad. I too felt somewhat betrayed that my son wasn't as hurt as I, but only briefly until  I realized he was much healthier for it.