Hi D. CG here
How are you going?
I found out there is an Ashtanga Yoga class in my neighborhood. I hear it is more physical than Hatha or Iyengar (the other types I've tried) so I am gonna go for it. The pain is getting manageable as I've allowed myself to feel. But the anger is coming up now and it seems to be harder for me to deal with.
Yoga is totally excellent dude! What's Ashtanga Yoga? I do/did/do
Yoga (not as often as I'd like, spank myself with a feather
). I found with so much to do I can't get to classes. So I bought a set of videos a few years ago put them on when I can duh uh
remember. Meditation and relaxation techniques calm the spirit/soul/mind/psyche/innards/gutbrain/whatever
Greatly!
You said above,
but the anger is coming. I've read here and elsewhere some good stuff about the purpose of anger, it's all part of the healing process. And anger can, yes
can be positive. And, oh boy, but
it's such a yukky stage that needs to be worked through.
So people often shut out/down at this stage because it's so awful. Who likes feeling angry?
And it's such a very delicate stage, it's important to not let it completely control us so that we do things to make our matters worse and give ourselves more headaches to deal with and mess to clean up.
I was talking to myself there D.
Sitting in anger
That's what happens with some people who've gone back to their old workplace after being fired, and with a gun.
They go into those huge depressions, followed by massive anger and then just sit in the anger till TILT!
That's extreme analogizing, but you know what I mean.
A friend in my early teen years (Mavis) had an awfully litle shrunken raging alcoholic mother who'd come home drunk and wake her up and abuse her late at night.
In know cause I slept there a few times. Scarey. Mavis would be constantly in this cycle of depression and anger. All depressed and crying one day, then raging the next. And she'd be so angry at her mum,
and sad for her mum, and loved her mum, and looked aftere her mum, but couldn't show her anger to her mum. It was because cause her mum scared her. hell, she scared me.
So then because Mavis couldn't get angry at her mother, she would find relief by cutting herself. And round and round it'd go again. Us, her friends would be there banging on the bathroom door because she was in there with a razor. She never did really big cuts. But lot's of surface ones though. Lot's of blood. Enough to get her admitted to hospital for a day or 2, and out of home for while. Then she'd seem okay for a while, and it would build up again. Extremely stressful stuff. Anyway, I'm kinda of topic now ans using an extreme analogy again, but the stuff I'm about to type out helped me (recently) work out why Mavis used to do it.
I was reading this recently from someone. A bit long but it's good stuff. About the healing process. I've sort of just taken a bit out of the middle for you, and you too P
. It's really good to understand the healing process in such simple easy to understand form.
Hey P
over here, it's CG, talking to D.
hahahahahahah
Here goes and forgive any typo's everybody. 'Typo' is my middle name.
Shock and Depression.If all this is shocking to you, that's great because
shock is the beginning of grief . After shock comes depression and then denial. Denial kicks our ego defenses back in.
It usually comes in the form of bargaining. We say "Well, it really wasn't
that bad. I had 3 square meals a day and a roof over my head."
Please believe me: It
was really bad.
To be spiritually wounded, for your parents not to let you be who you are, is the worst thing that can happen to you. I'll bet when you got angry you were told, "Don't you ever raise your voice to me again."
From this you learned that it wasn't okay to be yourself, and it certainly wasn't okay to be angry. The same with fear sadness and joy. It wasn't okay to touch your vagina or penis, even thought it felt great.
It wasn't okay to dislike the Reverend Herkimer, Rabbi Kradow, or Father Walch. It wasn't okay to think what you were thinking, to want what you wanted, to feel what you feel, or to imagine what you imagined.
At times it wasn't okay to see what you saw, or to smell what you smelled. It wasn't okay to
be differnet or to be you To accept and understand what I'm saying is to validate and legitimize your spiritual wound, which is what lies at the core of every wounded inner child.
AngerThe next feeling that usually comes up in grieving is anger. It's a legitimate response to the spiritual wound. While your parents probably did the best they could,
in original pain work your parents intentions are never relevant. What is relevant is
what actually happened.
(D & P , that line above cured me of the constant 'whying' I was always driving myself nuts with. Why why why why why? I'd nearly drive myself nuts with all those questions that I could/would never get a straight answer to.)Imagine that they were backing out of the driveaway and accidentally ran over your leg. You've been limping for all these years and you've never known why.
Do you have a right to know what happened to you? Do you have a right to be hurt and in pain over it? The answer to both questions is an unequivocal yes. It's okay to be angry, even if what was done to you was unjintentional.
In fact, you have to be angry if you want to heal your wounded inner child. I don't mean you need to scream and holler (althought you might). It's just okay to be mad about a dirty deal
. I don't even hold my parents responsible for what ahppened to me. I know they did the best that 2 wounded adult children could do. But I'm also aware that I was deeply wounded spiritually and that it has had life-long damaging consequences for me. Personally, I hold us all accountable. What that means is that I hold us all responsible to stop what we're doing to ourselves and to others. I will not tolerate the outright dysfunction and abuse that dominated my family system.
Hurt and Sadness.After anger comes hurt and sadness. If we were victimized, we must grieve that betrayal. We must also grieve what might have been - our dreams our aspirations. We must grieve our unfulfilled developmental needs.
RemorseHurt and sabnes are often followed by remorse. We say "If only things had been different, maybe I could have done something diferent. "Maybe if I had loved my dad more and told him how I needed him, he would not have left me".
When I counseled incest and physical-abuse victims, I could hardly believe that
they felt guilt and remorse about their violation, as if they were in some way responsible for it.
When we grieve for someone who has died, remorse is sometimes more relevant; for instance, perhaps we wish we had spent more time with the deceased person. But in grieving childhood abandonment you must help you wounded inner child see that there was s
nothing he could have done differently. His/Her pain is about what happened to him/her it is not
about him/her.
The end of for the moment D.
With anger, we aren't meant to stay there, but we are meant to pass through it, have to to heal. And we're not meant to withdraw into denial and shame for feeling it. Sometimes our anger can frighten us. I know mine can.
It can be so intense an scarey. That is a very good measure/indicator to use actually.
We can use it to assess the level of inner pain we are
really in as a result of the spirtual wounding we suffered in our childhood. And
therein lies the challenge. Hahahaha. Got to use
therein already. Oh, and so sooon too!
Nope, it was stolen while I was euphoric on the swing. Think there is a hidden msg in that incident. I ended up buying a new one. Then, I lost the keys for a few days (yes, both key still on the same ring) but found them yesterday so could go unlock the new one. 
[/quote] Yeah, I read recently a recommendation not to jog or walk or cycle with a walkman on. Seems the baddies target people who can't hear them coming. Sad.
Just best to have lot's of people around and swing in a busy place if you wanna swing and listen to your favourite music.
And yeah, rememeber, always chain your bike up D.
Or it could get quite expensive replacing them all the time. hahahahahaha Yep, spare key on the same ring. hahahahahahahahaahhahaah.
((((((D))))))))
CG
