confidence pill?

[Dawning]

Hi everyone.  I came back from an evening with a new therapist.  He is alot different from the other one (he is an M.D. , the former one had an Ed.D) and is keen to prescribe meds.  Unfortunately, my insurance is not going to pay for any of this but that's another story.  In the 45 minutes we talked, he decided I should take 5 mgs of Prozac to start out with and build up the dosage.  To tell you the truth, I really don't like the idea of taking anti-depressants unless they are going to help me build my confidence.  

I know I have confidence issues.  I know that I need to learn to value myself even in the face of bullying and disrespect.  If taking a pill would help with this, I would definitely be game but maybe there is another way.

Also, I am afraid these meds will stifle my creativity.  I am starting to share my creativity with others, getting over stage fright and the fear of condemnation and I don't want these meds to make me anti-social.  I want the confidence to go out and meet new people.  I don't want to learn to be happily anti-social on these drugs or develop a dependence on them.  

I just kissed my father-figure of 6 years goodbye last week.  And was told recently by someone else that he will "never fall in love with me" but wants me to stay put and not leave the city.  

So, enough is enough I said to myself.  I put myself in these situations because I don't have confidence in what I need and how to go about getting my needs met.  Then, when I get close to feeling confident, I pull back and question myself, doubt myself.

Ideally, I'd like a confidence pill that I take only for a short period of time, get my confidence back and carry on.  And if that pill can help me get over one person in particular and make me not *miss* him so much then I would gladly hand over a large portion of my savings.  

Any comments on the topic of how to *get* confidence back?  Is there one type of med that is better for this than others?  I would also be interested in hearing any stories on the topic of confidence or lack of it due to Nparents.  It is like I don't feel a right to have confidence in myself and I hate that program but it is hard one to uninstall.  

Funnily, since my emotional separation from my N family began in earnest at the end of March, I feel I've made alot of progress.  But now I am stuck in a place and I think that if I had more confidence in myself and my future, I could get unstuck more easily.  Anyway,  I am smoking too many ciggies and thinking too much about the past and mistakes I've made.  I'm obsessing over my mistakes to the point where I cannot clean my flat.  Yikes!  Or eat properly.  

I know this post is all over the place.  I'm sorry if it is hard to follow.

[Anonymous]

Hi Dawning,

The struggle with finding the right doctor and/or the right meds can be so stressful.  It is hard because you trust them as an authority on the subject, and yet you may be the only one who knows whats best for you.   Some docs are perscription happy, and others try to avoid it.  I have struggled to find where I stand on the continuum.  Personally I am open to meds, but I fear becoming dependant on them too.
I am not chornically depressed.  But sometimes circumstances in my life have made it necessary for me to be on something temporarily.  Then there are gray areas, when I could go either way. There is always the worry of side effects.  When I have started something, I wonder if what I am feeling is a side effect of just part of my own problem.  It can be so confusing and scary.  I don't have any great advice.  Just saying you are not alone.  I can empathize.

It sounds like you are grieving a loss right now.  That is bound to cause some depression and lack of confidence.  I bet you will gradually heal.  But, depending on the depression, meds might help for the time being.

Lack of confidence is a problem sometimes linked with depression.  So, a drug might help a little.  But in the end, I think it is the self imposed therapy of continually pushing what you think are the limits to your abilities.  N parenting can cause depression and lack of confidence.  I have certainly experienced this.  My parents have always been so overprotective. They struggle with self esteem themselves.  Of course, it must be hard to give your kids what you don't have yourself.  The other day my dad told me that my uncle was impressed with me (intellectually).  Then dad laughed.  I couldn't tell if he was proud or if he was thinking "you got him fooled!"   Maybe a bit of both.  This time I didn't internalize the negative message.  I grew up not thinking I was smart, and I really wound up selling myself short.  The good news, I guess, is that I am slowly discovering my potential, and slowly gaining confidence.

Good luck on your journey... I hope you find clarity and healing.
peace!

[Anonymous]

You might get some confidence if you tell this therapist that you aren't going to take Prozac.

I take meds and for me they are great. They don't stifle any creativity. But I wouldn't like a therapist immediately telling me to take them, especially if they aren't covered by my insurance! This therapist sounds like a bit of a loose cannon to me.

bunny

[BlueTopaz]

Hi Dawning,

I relate to many things you wrote.  I agree with both guest and Bunny.

Guest mentions that a break-up can cause a lot of lack of confidence.   Very true.   When I broke up with my N partner about a year ago, I plummeted emotionally.    I already had some confidence/esteem issues, and this magnified them all.  I thought I was going to have a complete breakdown, something I never would have dreamed would happen to me in my life.  

Just like you, I felt if I had more confidence I could get unstuck easier.  But then I kind of realized that these kinds of big turning point experiences (loss of a big relationship) completely floor even those who are very confident.    It is just a very difficult time- period, especially if you are not good with big change (I don't like it), but no matter what.  

Hoping you will not beat yourself in thinking that you "should" be able to get more confident and "get on with things".    That truly makes sense as a goal to have, but there is genuine grieving you are entitled to go through, and the path to getting more confident is a up-down-hilly one, too.    

I'm on that very path of trying to build confidence/esteem now, and it  feels really scary, hopeless, and overwhelming sometimes.   I know that is not helping    but what I want to finish with, is that in-between all of that, somehow growth is happening, hope is getting renewed, and the self is getting rebuilt.    

Even as hard as things are right now, I do believe that.

I've had the medication dilemma as well, so many times in the past years.   I haven't ever taken any yet, but came close to taking either an anti-anx. or anti-dep. at the end of my break-up with xN a year ago.  

I have that nagging once again now (to maybe try xanax) because of the job thing, but I think I am just too much of a chicken to do it.  

I agree with Bunny that the prescrip. offering of prozac seemed premature.  

You could always decline for now if you like, continue to do non med. therapy with this person, and take things as they come.   You could also begin doing your own research re. meds, online, and join some depression and/or anti anx. groups to read the archives (and participate if you wanted).   They often discuss meds (efficacy, side effects, etc.) in these groups.

Wishing you well...

[Dawning]

Thanks for these replies.

Guest wrote:

When I have started something, I wonder if what I am feeling is a side effect of just part of my own problem. It can be so confusing and scary.

I wonder that too and worried that they might effect the potential for increased self-awareness in a negative rather than positive way.  I don't want to end up like a somnambulist.  But, at this point, I need a push to clean my apt. and stop obsessing over my mistakes.  I feel like I am in a
flood of some sort now and - while I am not drowning - I do want to be more in control of my life.  Thank you for your empathy.

But in the end, I think it is the self imposed therapy of continually pushing what you think are the limits to your abilities.

 
Yes, the *pushing* analogy.  But in order to push myself, I need more self-control and motivation to do things even when I don't want to do them.  Yes, the break-up, yes...the grieving over a loss...that is the part that seems to be getting me stuck over and over again.

Bunny wrote:

But I wouldn't like a therapist immediately telling me to take them, especially if they aren't covered by my insurance! This therapist sounds like a bit of a loose cannon to me.

Hi Bunny.  He is very well-qualified.  However, sessions are expensive, last 45 minutes and not covered by my insurance.  I told him yesterday that I've been having trouble cleaning my apt, eating and sleeping properly and I've been smoking too many ciggies.  He wrote out a prescription for tranquilizers, prozac and a nicotine patch.  

He might be a loose cannon but  at least he is aggressive and takes action.  I wish I had found him 5 years ago - or someone as aggressive - cause the woman I stayed with in pychotherapy did absolutely nothing except give me some strategies for dealing with my Nmom.  I've learned more on this board since the beginning of April than I learned in the 4 years with the former therapist.  She seemed like she was going to die or fall asleep in her chair whereas this guy seems really umm.....energetic.  Maybe a little too trigger happy with the meds though.

I'm glad to hear they don't stifle your creativity.  Thanks, Bunny.  

But, if my insurance is not going to cover any of this stuff, then I might have to do without just out of financial concerns.

Hi BT!  

Hoping you will not beat yourself in thinking that you "should" be able to get more confident and "get on with things". That truly makes sense as a goal to have, but there is genuine grieving you are entitled to go through, and the path to getting more confident is a up-down-hilly one, too.

Thanks for this.  I know that I want immediate results.  I feel as though I haven't trusted the right people all my life and now I don't have time to mess around with incompetents, charlatans masquerading as who-knows-what.  HA.  But I need a little support right now - hence my desire for a confidence pill.  Wishful thinking.

somehow growth is happening, hope is getting renewed, and the self is getting rebuilt.

I look at it as a lizard growing a new tail.  HAHAHA.

and join some depression and/or anti anx. groups to read the archives (and participate if you wanted). They often discuss meds (efficacy, side effects, etc.) in these groups.

I would like to know where some of these groups might be located or what words to google if anyone feels comfortable sharing this information.

We'll see how it goes in the next week.  Thanks for your support.

[lynn as guest]

I had a friend explain anti-dep meds to me once.  She is a ob-gyn.  But for me she is just a good friend.  She said,

It's kind of like when you get very cold, to a point your body can generate heat, you come out of the cold and you warm up pretty quickly.  But on rare occassions, people get very cold.  So cold in fact, that their body can no longer generate enough heat to rewarm them.  In this situation, warm blankets, warm water etc must be utilized to help the body get back to an equilibrium.  It takes an outside effect to bring the body warmth back.

She continued by drawing the analogy, when you body gets low on seritonin, it can usually regenerate what it needs.  But in some situations you have stressed youself so much that you cannot re-fill that "bucket" of seritonin.  Anit-dep drugs, can help you to get back on top of things.  Help your body to get back to an equilibrium so that you can "warm" yourself naturally.

I don't know if this is helpful, but is one way to consider anti-depressants.

[BlueTopaz]

Hi Dawning:

This group (below) is a very warm, welcoming bunch of people.   You can ask any medication questions there.   Someone I know has been a member for years, and speaks very highly of it.

If you want, you can search the group archives for former discussions regarding medications.   Though it is is called "anxiety-L" it is also a group for depression.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Anxiety-L/

------------------------------------
For this one, scroll down to the heading “Depression and Anxiety Medications”....

http://depressionforums.com/forum/ikonboard.cgi

------------------------------------
This is an active one, discussing depression & anxiety medications

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/depression-anxiety/

-----------------------------------

In general, you can google with keywords like:  medications for depression (or anxiety if that is what you'd like), depression forums (groups, mailing lists), the name of a specific drug only, the drug plus "side effects" (i.e. Prozac side effects), the drug+ forums (i.e. prozac discussion forums), the drug plus "pros and cons".   Any combos you can think of, related to specifically what you'd like to know.

Hope it helps a little.

BT  

[Dawning]

Thanks for the links, Blue Topaz.    I went to a few discussion boards too.  Prozac/anti-deps sound like a hassle.  Maybe I'll try power-yoga.     If my insurance paid for any percentage of it, it would be different but no...

Guest wrote:

But sometimes circumstances in my life have made it necessary for me to be on something temporarily.

This is the ideal situation for me.  I only want to be on something temporarily.  I wonder about getting on/getting off anti-deps     And whether I  could do it by myself or would I need a doctor's assistance....  and could I just try them out for a month or would it take longer to see the results  

If anyone feels comfortable answering, I would be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Hi Dawning   CG here. CG, like those initially do you? Makes ya' think of cigareete doesn't it? It does me. hahahahhahahaha    I gotta say, " I don't know about meds in the first instance!" Maybe the good doctor is good!    How do you know?   Wannatrytalkinaboutinsteadfirst?

That's always been my first port of call. Talkin my head off. flop, there. It just rolled over the floor. I've never been on meds, so what do I know!  But, hahah I probbbbbbbabbbbbly shoulda been.    

Anyway, the offers there Dawning. I'm sure a lotta people here with a lot more experience than me would wanna talk to ya'. (((((((((((D))))))))))))

Regardless D   , thinking about you with warmth   , and so sorry    that you're in this dilemna. Life doesn't always have to suck this bad you know. It can be okay if we let it be, and if we're happy to just be us regardless of the consequences. Oh shutup CG   . Stop philosophising now . This minute, or you're out of here.  Oh., um,  Okay   !


CG  

[Anonymous]

Dawning,

I'm glad the therapist is active rather than a wet blanket. I can now understand his quick writing of prescriptions. That's what MDs do. I hope he also talked to you as a therapist, even about your feelings of apprehension on medicine dependency.

To get off meds, you absolutely need medical supervision. Most of these meds have withdrawal symptoms. But with a doctor's supervision, you can avoid withdrawal. And yes, you can try it for a while and stop. But the doctor has to help you. It's not a big deal, I've done it. I've even stopped on my own and had withdrawal (I don't recommend it).

Anyway, good luck with this therapist.

The main way to get confidence is to take reasonable action (as opposed to impulsive action) when you're usually passive and let things happen to you.

bunny

[BlueTopaz]

This is the ideal situation for me. I only want to be on something temporarily. I wonder about getting on/getting off anti-deps  And whether I could do it by myself or would I need a doctor's assistance....  and could I just try them out for a month or would it take longer to see the results

------------

Dawning,

Several AD's take roughly between 2 & 6 weeks to work, and you need to taper (slowly reduce dosage) under Dr. supervision, when you want to stop taking them.

You might want to consider that if the drug is wrong for you and you are having difficult side effects, you still have to keep taking the taper doses for some weeks.  

I am not against those meds. by any means but if thankfully, though things are really difficult, you are not completely  debilitated by the dep., and  are not very seriously at the risk of suicide, I would say that if you want to try the power yoga or anything else you can think of first, it might be a way to go.      

You will know in your mind that AD's will always be there as an option.

I was so struck by the responses when I'd ask advice whether I should try a med. in forums with those already taking them.  By far, I was told that unless I absolutely had to (my life was in danger if I didn't), don't.   And this advice was from people who were very successfully taking them.   Where the AD's were working for them.

If you decide to read more about meds., you will come to know more about what is involved with taking them.   There are many things to consider.

Hope you have a good day, and are maybe able to do at least a little a bit of house cleaning.  I have felt like that too, and in hindsight I could see it was a step in the healing/processing of something very emotionally challenging for me (the ending of my relationship with xN).  I needed to go through a period of obsessive thinking in order to process things and be able to sum them up in some kind of way that would help me move on.  

It felt like I was getting stuck there too, but I saw that so many other people went through the identical thing (communicated via discussion boards) and were concerned they were stuck too, but they were just processing during that time.  They all never thought they'd come out of it, but did.    I thought the exact same, and came out of it, too.

After about 2 & 1/2 weeks, though I was far from finished with   obsessive thinking bouts (more spaced out & shorter after),  I was able to clean up this darn place!      And boy, at that point, did I ever have my work cut out for me.  

Take care...

BT

[Anonymous]

Hi,
(this is guest from the first response)

I just want to echo Bunny.  The first time I got off something, I had help tapering.  I went in after a week and reduced it, then went in again, and reduced again.  Even though I had pills left, the doc had to call in a new perscription for a lower number of miligrams to take every other day... It had to be very gradual.  Every medicine is different.
 
THe second time I did it myself.  I was not near a doc, and I knew the side effects were not worth the help.  I was already on a low dose and  thankfully, I knew to tapper.  So, I reduced the dosage over two weeks.  It worked out, but I feel much better about it under the supervision of a doc.

I have confidence you will find your way through this.  In the end you won't be dependant on drugs.  You know, people fear that.  I have feared that, for sure.  But I tell myself, that if I am dependant on drugs for the rest of my life, and the quality of my life is better, than I am glad I have them.  If the quality of life is not better over time, you always have the choice of a new approach.

Peace

[phoenix]

bye

[phoenix]

bye

[CG]

Hi D.    Just my thoughts.    And then chuck them out if you wanna.    My intentions are good.    Hope not to ofend anyone here on your thread Dawning.  

I'm kinda opposed to the idea of a pill for everything. Somethings, to me anyway, are just life.    And very sad truths of life.    And to me, pills are for sickness.

Expecting to get shot it the head about now.    Oh well, too bad, I'll recover. But I wanted to say......

Anti-depressants. Oh boy. I've seen a lot. And the problems are still there, mostly, at the end of the day. Yeah, I've read about new brain cell and  the brain regeneration theory. But the point is, aren't you emotionally depressed. And doesn't this have to do with childhood issues? And what worries me is that if you charge yourself up on pills and and slide over the rainbow to that beautiful pill-powered world, what happens when you have to return in a month or two. And come down. And the childhood issues are still there.    Oh well, you may have clean and painted flat, but what then? Aren't the messy flat, ciggies, and poor diet  just a reflection of your internals and issues? Telling you how you really feel? Why reject that? It's all bbout your 'lot' that you're unhappy with, isn't it? otherwise you wouldn't feel like this.  Well isn't it the 'lot' that has to change and should take a pill? Fix the 'lot' and the others will follow.

It's taken how long for these problems to accumulate and surface? Can it be fixed in a month on pills?

What happens if you're  'other-personed' on pills, in hyper-denial about your 'lot'. Then what when you have to go off them?

I remember that funny Cheech and Chong skit.

"I was so hungry and stoned and there was no food in the fridge.
And when I came down the fridge was gone."
 
Just my thoughts D. Seeing as it's been sparked by a love issue, and not a psychotic or shizophrenic  or delusional one.

Not knockin' anyone on meds. Pleeeeease. Just talkin' to D.  

Hey, did you get your bike back? ((((((((((((D))))))))))))))

CG