Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
should I worry?
CG:
Hi Pandora, how ya' doin'? :D Long long time, so speak. But :D (Big Hug).
I've got a completely off the wall question for you. :D Have you seen 'Zen Boy's post/thread way way back on page 5? I dunno why, but I thought at the time (when we were all kicking his butt) that it may have been your H. :D I was worried about you even more after that. As I'm sure were other posters here.
Anyway, if it was the/your'H', I'm even gladder you're doing 'your' thing. And yes, I'd be very careful with this one. Take as many precautions as you can think of. And go to those web-sites the girls posted and learn a few more safety meaures. Take care Pandora.
CG
Lizbeth:
Onyx, no where in anything I said to you did I say that all men are narcissists or a%%holes, or women are bunny boilers, I'm married to a very nice man myself. However, domestic violence is not a funny subject, especially for the victims.
What I said was you are making light of a situation that is happening for Pandora of which you seem to lack background information. Maybe I hurt your feelings by disagreeing with you but I did it politely. You were pointed in the direction of reading about her past situation with her husband by another poster, and I thank them for that.
Non-empthatic narcissistic men can turn violent on a woman when they realize they are finally going to loose control and their supply, and Pandora's therapist told her that her husband was probably a Narcissist. He has made veiled threats, a smart person would be aware that he can act on them, it is in the nature of a narcissist to do so, regardless of how he behaved in the past. It would be far wiser for her to take precautions and come out alive than make the mistake so many women have in the past of thinking "oh, he'd never hurt me" and end up hurt or worse. There is hidden rage in every Narcissist that can come out when they realize "this is it."
Lizbeth
--- Quote from: Onyx ---OK
Are all men Narcissist?
Are all women bunny boilers?
Does the sun come up in the West and go down in the East?
If a man smiles at a women, is he a rapist?
When divorcing, is it normal for the people involved to be upset...are emotions going to run high?
Joking aside, I feel that it is easy to tar way too many people with the same brush strokes. I had a relationship with a girl who it has been suggested suffered with BPD. The shear anger and hatred that spilled forth from her mouth at times would scare most people. It wasn't pleasant and it was frequent. I was stretching my ability to cope to the limit. But she had good reason to be as she is. I'm going to standby her as she receives treatment....from a distance! She isn't a bad person.....just a girl who's in trouble right now! Believe it or not, she is a friend of mine and aren't we supposed to support our friends.......
Now I could transfer my anger and feelings over what I've experienced from this girl to other women. I could say that all women are nasty and bad. I could tell all my friends to avoid women like the plague. I could......burst a blood vessel when someone dissagreed with the above. Or then again I could treat it as an isolated experience and learn from it. Isn't that what life's all about.....learning?
I compared this thread to my situation and found her experience unpleasant, but not dangerous. I've also just read her update concerning the fact that he's never been violent toward her. Therefore what I wrote, is with some degree of balance. Balance is hard to achieve when some are soooo shut off to others views. Sometimes we feel that only our view counts when we feel so strongly about issues.
I'd agree that most men are penis driven and are idiots for being so (I'm one of them)! But that doesn't make me a rapist and violent wife beating sadistic bully. One sizes does not fit all (shoes) and I don't subscribe to the 'Hang em High' brigade in all circumstances. Balance is just that...!
Chill out Liz, not all men are total a..holes :-)
Onyx
--- End quote ---
pandora as guest:
Good morning!
I appreciate you speaking in my defense, Lisbeth.
Onyx, I also appreciate your input, and the caution against automatically labeling people as "N" or otherwise just because there is some conflict. We all behave badly and selfishly sometimes. And I certainly don't believe that all men are jerks! My X's actions only speak for him, not for all men.
And the truth is, I did not leave him because of some label, it was because I could not tolerate his actions and deceit. Does his behavior result from some personality disorder? - maybe and maybe not. It doesn't really matter. It is destructive to me and I needed to get away.
CG, your instincts are correct - the Zenboy poster was my STBXH. That was why I backed off posting for a while. Just did not seem safe. I suppose he could still be reading, but somehow the thought does not bother me as much now.
Have a great day everyone.
pandora
Lizbeth:
Thanks, Pandora, for saying that, I'm really not trying to step on anyones toes, your safety has been my only motivation for posting the way I did.
Lizbeth
--- Quote from: pandora as guest ---Good morning!
I appreciate you speaking in my defense, Lisbeth.
Onyx, I also appreciate your input, and the caution against automatically labeling people as "N" or otherwise just because there is some conflict. We all behave badly and selfishly sometimes. And I certainly don't believe that all men are jerks! My X's actions only speak for him, not for all men.
And the truth is, I did not leave him because of some label, it was because I could not tolerate his actions and deceit. Does his behavior result from some personality disorder? - maybe and maybe not. It doesn't really matter. It is destructive to me and I needed to get away.
CG, your instincts are correct - the Zenboy poster was my STBXH. That was why I backed off posting for a while. Just did not seem safe. I suppose he could still be reading, but somehow the thought does not bother me as much now.
Have a great day everyone.
pandora
--- End quote ---
Onyx:
White flag, I surrender :roll:
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